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User Topic: Does Anger Affects Other Areas Of Life
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday while attending a group counseling session I lost my temper and exploded on a young lady. I have always had a bad temper but learned to keep my emotions in check by eating them. Yes, some serious FOO issues that displayed themselves as food issues. I have thought about what was said that made me SO VERY MAD. The young lady was sitting next to me and made a threatening comment which I rightly perceived as physical violence. Part of her threat was that she is to be feared because she is in anger management.

I was taken aback that she was cray cray enough to even come out of her face like that. Mostly, this person who is young enough to be my daughter said that she was having "a bad day...a lot of stress". Well, the top of my head flew off and I commenced to letting her have it. First, I don not take threats lightly. Secondly, she was having a "bad day...a lot of stress". Bitch, I have had decades of stress! I no longer have anger I have graduated to RAGE.

The threat, any threat coming from another woman is what set me off. How dare you or OW think that I should fear you. Are you better than me in some way? Do you possess some magical powers that can put an evil spell on me? Oh I am so scared that you are going to beat me up. On that note, I'll meet you on the playground at 3:00. Don't be late.

Part of the exercise in the group was to indicate on 2 separate figures (images of 2 bodies were handed out) what emotions people were feeling for that day. Surprisingly, after the encounter, the young lady indicated that although she was under stress she was at peace. On the other hand, both of my drawings showed anger and frustration. I honestly wanted to bash her head into the table and was frustrated that I could not.

IC has helped me to see how I can better handle and channel the emotions that I am feeling. I did not bash her head in nor did I go home and eat. What I did was to excuse myself from the group and call my H and tell him how I was feeling. This was a major break through for me. I would never have told him that I was weak and needed his help. Also, I would never have turned to total strangers and put my s--t out there for you all to comment on.

Have any of you had anger and or rage from the A infiltrate other areas of your life? If so, how have you handled those situations. Come on, give me the not so pretty ones too. Everything is a chance to learn.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 385 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Exclaimation  Posted: 7:25 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Praying for you TheBestMe. I am in anger management program and RAGE is the worst spot to be in the spectrum. After an Affair, your world is totally upside down, and you are going to have moments of anger, but the goal is to control it...

1. It is unhealthy, causes stress and more.
2. You seem to have a stuffer personality like me, which means you just hold back, hold back, hold back, BOOM! You explode.

I can honestly say, I have not had a moment of anger, other than dealing with the affair and the people involved. Doesn't mean I don't think about taking my anger out on them but but I have to run through a script to calm me down.

I have been working more on expressing my emotions instead of holding back.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 7:26 AM, March 21st (Friday)]


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I am angry, everybody knows it. Also, hurt and fear - of any kind - tend to manifest themselves as anger in my life. I have small children. My middle child is very active and very strong-willed. That poor child has been on the receiving end of my rage more than once. Not physically, but I have screamed and yelled and stomped over very small things more than I would like to admit. When I feel that coming on, I usually retreat (translation: hide in the bathroom) for a few minutes and have a chat with myself. Why did I react that way? Where is that anger coming from? What do I need to help me process it? If I can understand something, I'm usually in better control of it. Then, I always come back, calm, hold my child close and apologize for my behavior. I explain that I was feeling angry and that I chose to react poorly. He's two, so he doesn't respond much, but I also do the same for my 5 yr old and find that it helps her immensely (and me too, really).

Posts: 1010 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I never considered the possible pissing contest that could happen in a group anger management session but it makes sense.

I don't believe anger can be kept neatly tucked away for only the situation that generated it. I think some people can do that better than others but nobody can do it in totality.

Emotions don't work like that. They need to be expressed in some form and will find a crack to get through if not given a proper method of expression.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 770 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you for your responses. Everything that you shared has helped me.

@Betrayed Wife-

Wow I never considered the possible pissing contest that could happen in a group anger management session hank you all for your help.

The group that I belong to is the second stage of a 3 part program designed to help people in recovery with addictions. The vast majority of the participants are mandated by the courts for either DUI or drug possession, etc. I am a food addict and display the same behaviors as a person that abuses alcohol or drugs. Food addiction is not covered by insurance therefore, I pay out of pocket.

The anger management group is separate and distinct. The young lady is court mandated for that group as well as the recovery group.
I am learning that behind most of my destructive behavior is a lot of pain. Pain turned inward is sometimes displayed as anger/rage.

It is amazing what I am discovering about myself during this healing process.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 385 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad it's helping you. I did intensive outpatient for drugs. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Keep up the good work.

It's a shame there is no coverage for it because it's a food addiction. I bet that keeps many addicts out of treatment.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 12:11 PM, March 21st (Friday)]


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 770 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Goodness. I am mad at the world. What did I do to deserve this pain? It's affecting my relationships with everyone. They don't understand the pain we are in. No one understands unless they've been through it. I have always had a short fuse, but now...... Well, I don't have any kind of fuse at all. The best thing for me to do at this time is just stay away from everyone until I can get a better handle on my temper. I think I need to take anger management. Because I, honestly don't know how to keep myself under control. It is a little better than it was, but that's not saying much.

Posts: 924 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 7

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