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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

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User Topic: Still struggling with this 10 mos out
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We decided not to out the OW to her BBF because we were worried what kind of crazy it might bring with them still working together. Unfortunately I have not been able to let go of the desire to do this.

Obviously I still want to do it because even though she isn't IN our life, I have a lot of anger that she feels she didn't do anything wrong and even threatened me after I sent her a simple text just telling her what I thought they did was wrong. My WH has so much rage for her because he has to see her prance about work like nothing ever happened. He's looking for a new job but hasn't been able to find one yet. We will never get to indifference while he is there.

The other thing is I have a lot of guilt that BBF doesn't know. He seems like a nice guy and I feel awful that she could be doing this to him now because she wasn't caught. God knows how many other guys she was texting/sexting while doing the same with WH.

I need to either let this go or do it so I'm reaching out to you all to help me make the decision.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Gman1
♂ Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to know. It is not your secret and your burden to hide or carry around every second of every day. I believe every BS deserves to know.

Posts: 257 | Registered: Oct 2013
sadinlex
♀ Member
Member # 32047
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^ absolutely.

I told the OBS 6 months after dday after much internal conflict but once it was done, I realized it was the right thing to do.

((((AML04))))


me - BW him - WH
Together 23 years, Married 21
2 children 14, 11
Dday - 4/11/2011 double betrayal
"After the A, being honest and being a bitch are pretty hard to tell apart." - Ladyogilvy

Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2011
Shayna71
♀ Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you were in his shoes, wouldn't you want to know? and wouldn't you be hurt or angry if you found out at some point that this kind of info had been kept from you?


Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would, definitely. I just struggle because even though he is a nice guy (seems very naive) I know they were messing around while she was still technically with her xBF. So he's not completely innocent either.

I guess what I'm struggling with is my main motivation is to hurt her not necessarily inform him even though that's part of it. Also I'll be bringing her back into our lives as I'm sure she won't just let it go.

Ugh!!!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you perhaps wait to inform him until your WH finds a new job? So he is able to be outside her sphere when it goes down? I think it's recent enough that he should know at some point.

His being naive is a pretty good reason to tell, IMO. It's no fun being ignorant and trusting when you've been betrayed.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out the bitch. If your husband is looking for another job anyway I wouldn't worry about it. You'll be doing a favor in the long run for her betrayed spouse. Maybe she will quit and your husband can stay. He deserves to know.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he or she leaves, it's on! I just have no idea when that might happen. She's pretty much an f up at work but nothing has happened yet and WH hasn't really had any luck with a new position.

I just went to visit WH for lunch and BBF was there visiting with OW. I was SOOO tempted to slip the letter I wrote him (yes I have it printed out and ready to send) in his sunroof. WH talked me out of it and I'm glad he did because she came out and sat in the car with him. If I do it I don't want her to be around when he reads it.

[This message edited by AML04 at 12:52 PM, March 20th (Thursday)]


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess what I'm struggling with is my main motivation is to hurt her not necessarily inform him

AML04, this ^^^is a healthy perspective to take.

I'll be bringing her back into our lives as I'm sure she won't just let it go.

You are correct in thinking that if you decide to contact the BBF be prepared for a strong reaction from OW.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 451 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Topic Posts: 9

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