Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WS is so annoying!
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone else found themselves more and more annoyed with their WS?

This last month, I have been on a huge diet (mostly trying to lose weight to fit into a bridesmaid dress for an upcoming wedding this summer I am in.). I have lost some weight, and it bought a treadmill.

I have tried to back off more, and just give my husband what he seems to want- freedom. Freedom to go to the bar with his friends without me getting mad. Freedom to attend a bachelor party. I don't ask why he is late coming home from work anymore.

I have put my efforts into taking care of and spending more time with DD, and cleaning on the weekends. And diet and exercise and work. And it has been fine- but the more time I spend bettering myself, the more disgusted, turned off, and completely annoyed I am by my WS.

Tonight, as an example. He got home before I did- I picked up DD and traffic was a nightmare. When we it home, he was wearing a dirty cutoff t-shirt, his underpants, and dirty socks. This is his normal evening, after work outfit, but it felt like, "come on, really? You can't put a pair of sweats, or pajama bottoms or something on?" I didn't say that, but that's how I have been feeling more and more lately. I'm annoyed that he has been procrastinating shaving his facial hair. Tonight, he hadn't even started dinner, despite the face that he got home over an hour before I did. He'd gotten home and just been sitting in his underpants for an hour. Normally, I wouldn't care. Today, I felt like, "gross."

I cooked dinner for DD, made him dinner as well (he would have made it himself if I had refused, but I was up and I offered). We bought the frozen movie for DD and all watched it before bed tonight.

I was SO FREAKING annoyed, because instead of watching it, WS started playing games on his iPhone, and then in the middle of the movie wanted to have a conversation and would not shut up about his childhood dog. Normally, I will listen to the same old stories and not care- but I was so annoyed. I told him to be quiet. I told him I wanted to see the movie. Nothing. It got to the point where I didn't want to sit next to him anymore. Has he always been this irritating?

Then, I put DD to bed, and went on he treadmill. He waited- he freaking WAITED until I had headphones in my ear to try to start another stupid, pointless conversation. I finally told him to just shut up, and that I had headphones in his ear so I couldn't really hear him talk anyway.

He got up, angerly shook the treadmill with me on it, and got in my face, so I shoved him out of the way. He got all butthurt, insisted that I had hit him, and stormed off to bed. Normally that is my que to freak out and cry and get all emotional. Honestly- I'm just annoyed that he's in my bed. I wish he'd slept upstairs, or in his truck.

Now, I'm off the treadmill and I can hear his loud ass snoring from the sofa. Snoring has never EVER bothered me before. For some reason, lately, I can't deal with his. Has he always been this annoying? Or am I just noticing it now because I am starting to drift away? Or maybe he has noticed less attention and is getting clingy all of a sudden?

I have no idea. All I know is that my couch never bothered me anyway, and next movie he is excited about seeing, I am going to blab about my childhood cat/dog/hamster during the whole damn thing!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're changing. Making positive changes with the walking and weight loss (kudos to you!) The veneer is starting to come off, that's why you're annoyed. I don't have any advice or wonderful words of wisdom. Hang in there and do what is right for you.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, me too. Everything he does makes my skin bristle. I dread when he pulls in the driveway. I always think, push.play, because he says the same thing at the same time everyday. Nothing new in conversations just the same stupid relentless shit that I can barely stand to listen too. When I'm cooking dinner he walks in.the kitchen trying to talk to me, something.has changed in me because I just feel irritation. I feel like he follows me around the house asking rhetorical questions. If I walk outside I hear, where ya going? If I'm vaccuming he will say loudly, what cha doin? Grrr. I used to want him to talk to me, now I.just want to be left the fuck alone. I want nothing from him, no words, no touch, nada. It's just too late. Then he gets the wounded puppy dog eyes if I don't act like I give a shit about another story about some dumb ass he works with. I prob sound bitter or bitchy, whatever, I can't help it. The only good thing, is this will make it easier when I leave. I guess detachment has taken place. I'm not angry, just no longer interested.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5142 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's my fear- I have no intention of leaving at this point. I don't know what to do to make me interested in him again though.

Seriously- who gongs on and on about their childhood dog in the middle of a movie that their spouse wants to watch? I respectfully told him that I wanted to watch the movie multiple times in the beginning, before ultimately just tuning him out. He (always has) goes on these rants, and it just snowballs. It never ever used to bother me, but now? Ugh, like nails on a chalkboard.

I slept on the sofa, and it was glorious. Maybe it's time to have separate bedrooms?

This is seriously marriage hell. Everyday, I feel like my house turns into a tiny box and DD and I are just STUCK in here with him. I'm trying so hard to be patient and see what I did before...nope. It's not there anymore.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that you are doing positive things for yourself and your DD and you are taking off the rose colored glasses you had for him.

Perhaps he's not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Perhaps you might feel that way in the future but for now it's just annoyance? Perhaps it's a phase and a few months down the line you'll feel differently about him?

What has HE been doing to heal the marriage? I'm wondering if your disgust really comes from his lack of motivation to improve his, and your situation. You know, the bigger issues behind, and the real cause of the "symptoms" that are annoying you.

Is his complacency an insult to you?

That has been the case in my situation. He's fine to let things stay as is, while I can't possibly live long term like this. My WH has no motivation to search out and get past all of his struggles. He's done some work and man that was harder than he wanted to exert himself, so that should be good enough right?

Not for me. The reason is because it's a symptom of a bigger problem. And if there is another A in the future, there is absolutely no chance I'm staying with a loser like that. I need to see no stone left unturned.

I'm making a trust investment in him for the future. I need to see a "business plan" in action to make me feel I'm not wasting my time, love, and trust, again.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but the more time I spend bettering myself, the more disgusted, turned off, and completely annoyed I am by my WS.
^^^This is called DETACHing! Believe it or not it's a good thing. The more time you spend focusing on you the more you see them for exactly who they are. The crazy part is this is who they ALWAYS were we just looked past all of these things because we loved them. Not sure if you are intentionally 180ing or not but what you are feeling is the same as if you were successfully implementing the 180.

You can't make him more interesting to you again. That's the point, he has to do the work on himself to figure out his own issues and then do the work to save the M if he chooses. You have put yourself on a sort of even playing field with him. If both of you want the M to work you BOTH have to put in work now. No more you chasing and doing all the work while he does nothing. If he wants to build a new M with you then he has to work his ass off for it. When you detach you see them for who they are and can make your plans accordingly. If you don't plan on leaving yet then keep working on your plan, you, and your kids and live your life until you are ready to make a decision.

ETA: If you haven't already felt them you may feel the following things as well: utter disgust, pity, anger, annoyance, and some other feelings as well. You may not feel all of them but annoyance was the first one I felt along my way to complete and total indifference.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:58 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ewww. He sounds like a repulsive, lazy neanderthal. No wonder you're disgusted by him, I would be too.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He got up, angerly shook the treadmill with me on it, and got in my face, so I shoved him out of the way. He got all butthurt, insisted that I had hit him, and stormed off to bed.

What the fuck? You aren't giving him the attention he thinks he deserves, so makes it physical.

Please watch for signs that this is going to escalate. Can you honestly think of a situation in which it would be reasonable for him to shake the treadmill and get in your face like that? He was trying to physically intimidate you. Since it didn't work, he may decide to do something a little more extreme next time.

Be careful.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2112 | Registered: Jan 2013
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have felt like this and as soon as he have me a little hope I went right back to the old, crying and getting my feeling hurt. I'm really working hard to detach from my WS. And the more I do the more "annoyed" I get with him. To be honest I think I'm losing the little bit of respect I had for him for being such a family man. He hasn't done any of the things I need and I'm starting to realize that when I see him not fighting for me or his family, I realize maybe he's not the man I truly believed he was. The man I love/loved would of done anything to fix this.


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 274 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
callmecrazy
♀ Member
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its good to get healthy for you, however, if your spouse does not grow it is likely that it will further weaken the relationship. That being said, we are only responsible for ourselves so GOOD JOB making positive changes for you!

Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's my fear- I have no intention of leaving at this point. I don't know what to do to make me interested in him again though.

This is seriously marriage hell. Everyday, I feel like my house turns into a tiny box and DD and I are just STUCK in here with him. I'm trying so hard to be patient and see what I did before...nope. It's not there anymore.

Why do you have to make yourself be interested in him? Why do you have to stay married to someone that you don't like?


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1215 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.