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User Topic: Unbelievable!
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I was off to a sporting event this am with youngest DD. Walking past nice hotel on beach we bump into a gentleman coming out of the front door. I look up to apologise and recognise my friend's partner of 4 years.

It is 8.30am, it's the other side of town from where they live, it is not in his work location and he is inappropriately dressed for his job.

He looks very smartly dressed, but slightly dishevelled. he apologises, stammers, tries to make small talk and fails.

My friend was at work at this time, apparently he was at work on a late shift (!)

As far as I can see this is not a red flag this is a huge glowing neon sign

But what on earth do I tell her? Her other good, old friend(whom I do not know well) has just been taken into a hospice and she is now waiting for the call.

I am seeing her later. What should I do or say? I cannot and will not lie but I don't want to hurt her anymore. She has the right to know today.

I need your wisdom, folks xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell her you were surprised to run in to *partner* this morning, and then tell her where and when you saw him.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Say exactly what NIK said - that's perfect.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto NIK Tell her and let her draw her own conclusions, and answer whatever questions she asks of you. There is only one thing worse than having a S cheat on you while your friend is dying - and that would be finding out your other good friend knew and didn't tell you.

((Truly))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. What NIK said.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree she needs to be told this world is full of a holes what's up with that


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Shayna71
♀ Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell her what you would want her to tell you if the situations were reversed.


Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the rest here. You need to tell her about your encounter.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 413 | Registered: Dec 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you told her...


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
DragonBunker
♀ Member
Member # 42551
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Maybe ask if you've offended her hubby as he could barely bring himself to speak to you when you bumped into him. Then say when and where. Don't suggest any theories. She'll draw her own conclusions.


Never looking back with longing. Always looking forward with hope.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2014
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone!

I had time to read but not to respond before I went to visit.

I used your advice NIK. She was shocked, then sad...so sad.

Last night turned into a triggery night and has left me feeling very low this morning.

I am so disappointed in people.

Thank goodness there are men and women on here that just 'get it'.

Don't want to leave the house today...

Searching for peace today

Love to all
Truly
xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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