My question is during the last couple of weeks I saw things switch in him and I am now seeing remorse, that just makes me angry. So if he feels terrible about what he did and who he became then he gets a free pass? Am I just wasting both of our time and energy when I really believe 100% down deep in my soul that I can never get past this? Do these feelings change if I give it time?
My opinion is that after what he did he SHOULD pay the ultimate price. He shouldn't have the option of playing with the people that he loves and shattering their lives, and then just get to keep everything that they threw away without a second thought.
So am I rushing to a conclusion of this( I think divorce will be much easier than reconciliation). Should I give a set amount of time? I gave him 3 months and he spent six weeks of that underground with OW. I almost made it to the 3 month mark but just couldn't take it anymore.
If it is a deal breaker, can that opinion be changed? I just keep thinking this must be a deal breaker.
A friend of mine has asked me to come stay with her in a town five hours away to give myself some perspective and a break from crying, throwing up, and a love/hate relationship I have with food. That sounds great to me, but would be difficult as he works out of town and I take care of his dog and still do the books for his business.
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
It is fine if it is a deal breaker. Taking the A underground while renewing vows is a big, big betrayal and makes trusting again very hard.
It really will take time to see if he truly is remorseful now. And if you don't feel you have it in you to wait and monitor that remorse, that is okay. He risked losing you when he made the choices he did.
Go see your friend, focus on you, get some support and some distance, and see how you feel.
I thought it was a fabulous idea as soon as she brought it up.
Go take care of you.
his dog and still do the books for his business.
Key words in that phrase: HIS. He can deal with what is "his." You, take care of you.
Betrayal has levels and layers to it I think. A's all suck and cause pain but some cause more pain than others due to the circumstances.
First the Affair...ouch
Vow Renewal meant nothing to him...ouch
Left you on Anniversary night for her...ouch
False R for 6 weeks...ouch
Sex in your hotel room bed & you downstaris...ouch
I think you should take some time for yourself and go see your friend 5 hours away. Maybe he is truly remorseful now and maybe he is not. He has hurt you on so many levels. IMO, the 180 would help YOU. Forget about him (or pretend to) for a while.
Stay strong. Keep posting. You are not alone.
"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person
The sooner you pull the plug on your marriage the sooner you will start healing. No woman with a healthy dose of self-respect would ever be able to get over things your husband has done to you. At 41 you are still young enough to find someone better than him. At this point of your life you need to get selfish.... nothing wrong with it.
[This message edited by adriana1980 at 6:06 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]
We talked all night, we both cried, a lot. I am starting to get some understanding, but it's a process I know. I don't have any questions about remorse, he has never let himself be vulnerable enough to cry at all. He got up this morning and immediately made an IC appointment.
I see enough good things that I will stick with my promise to give him six months, I know I said 3 in the earlier post but I had changed it to 6 on my list of boundaries.We have been through hell and high water together, I can give him this opportunity for six months to prove himself.
My IC in our last session just laughed and asked me if I realized that we had been through more things than most couples even dream of and always came out ok...bruised, battered and scarred but ok. I told her no we have had a pretty normal life, again she laughed and said no you haven't.
I know I can leave whenever I want and I am going to. This time to visit my friend, after that....whatever I want.
Thank you all for you responses, they always mean the world to me.
[This message edited by Breezy150 at 2:24 PM, March 17th (Monday)]