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User Topic: Let me know
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make room for one more, I'm here too. You're going to be ok. I promise you. You are strong. You can do this. Just breathe in and out and know that we're all here. We'll catch you.

I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 878 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
♀ Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something I realized recently, and tell myself often, "Far weaker people than me have survived far worse." So I may not know what it looks like, but I know that no matter what happens, I will be fine.

Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surviving, and even thriving some days (its not infidelity that means I am not some days just health or other stuff)

I really don't agree with this quote " that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". It feels like rather an empty platitude (to me anyway) and rather a judgemental stick to beat people with. IMO

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5144 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could say more. I wish I could get your advice. But I can't. And right now I'm in need. I have no where to go. Please please please make this stop. I need a miracle but I just keep getting crapped on.

Me (BW): 32
WH: 34 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1731 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!!
It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!!
Hang in there.
It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!
Coming over for tea. Do you have any cookies?

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1372 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TCD, you've got to tell us what's going on so we can help.

And as hard as it is, you know you have to go through this; and you also know you will survive this.



BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6602 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there no one that you can speak to privately? Even on here ? someone who you trust to P.M.? or if you are religious, a clergy person? We are all routing for you!!!!!! You can get through it, and you will. You haven't gotten this far for nothing!

BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We're worried about you. I hope us just being here and caring makes it feel a little easier.

I wish I could take some of your pain away.

Arohanui xxx

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens

Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey girl. I imagine TTMU doesn't like SI, or especially me in particular all that much, because I think I can seem him for exactly who he is and because I am divorcing a man just like him. I'm trying to show you who I really think he is, his motives, and how you ABSOLUTELY don't deserve the treatment he dishes out at you.

I don't think the BS has to provide transparency, especially to an unremorseful spouse, so please, pretty please with a cherry on top, change your passwords and feel free to PM me anytime.

But honestly, I'm SOOOOO much more worried about you than TTMU. I want you to take some personal responsibility and stop letting his bullcrap give you excuses for your actions or how you feel. It sucks but YOU control YOU.

This could be out of line and have nothing to do with you, but I will admit I was not as focused on my kids as I should have been during in the beginning of this hell hole.. I was suffering my own turmoil, trying to fix my marriage, and trying to "fix" him, and my kids fell by the wayside. Please take a long hard look on how the children are being affected by all this crap. They learn by example, and I think the best example you can give them is how to treat someone like him. I try show my kids every day that I am honest, patient, responsible loving parent, who doesn't fly off the handle when she is mad or go into prolonged depressions. It was so very difficult to do that when dealing with my issues, but after leaving him, my relationship with my kids has increased exponentially. Please get them out of that hell hole.. They are learning the kind of treatment they can and should deserve from a future spouse RIGHT NOW.

I have extra rooms in my house in Florida, and I so wish I could bring you and the kiddos here. I can't keep feeding you fish, and not that I know how to fish all that great, but I can show you what I have learned already. I keep getting the feeling that you have all the classic signs of a battered woman, emotionally, physically, and sexually, and I bet you feel stuck, and it's so frustrating to convince battered women that it is NOT normal!! So many battered woman stay because they think they have no options, money, hope, etc., but you have so many options girl!! You just need to find them.


If you don't think you can post here, try taking some advice from Gonnabe. She has had some FABULOUS posts, knowing full well the Sultan might be reading them. You know why? Cause that guy has NO control over here. And guess what? TTMU has NO control over you.

What is the worst TTMU can do to you for posting here? Hurt you? Well then you get the police on speed dial and put a restraining order in place. Stop letting him bash you for your posts and isolate you from one of your places of healing. He has no control over SI... This is where NO CONTACT comes in. No matter what he says about your posts does NOT matter. He gets no control of your feelings anymore. (just maybe don't post anything illegal, lol)

The saddest part is I think you think he just might change one day. You have hope. You think if you do XYZ, things will get better and he will stop treating you the way he does and hurt you. You HAVE TO let this go. You MUST let this go. What you do or don't do is NOT going to fix this man. It is his choice whether to stop hurting you or not, and he needs to fix that himself. He waited over a year to even mention counseling? Well that tells me he doesn't give a shit about listening to your feelings and your need to express things, and OF COURSE there is nothing wrong with him that needs to be fixed (hence the gaslighting that something is wrong with YOU and not HIM).

Marriage counseling would be so very fucking far away from helpful right now. This starts with him going to IC and learning to respect people, which he has almost never done given your posts. When you give up the notion that you are somehow the cause of his disrespect, have deserved it any way, or have any control over it if you do things differently, you will be so much better off. Stop tying your self worth to how he treats you..

Please, anything I can do, let me. I worry about you girl. Maybe I'm projecting because I've been through this hell, but I want you to realize that you have no power over this guy, and I want you to embrace your own power.

I'm sending you the biggest strength and hugs that I can. Please, if you need anything, PM me... I don't mean to be a crazy stalker, but I love you to tears, and I wish to the high heavens I could give you some peace and trust in yourself

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2630 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^This. Every.Single.Word.^^^^^

As always, you can PM me too. Im really worried about you...we all are.

Are you safe,TCD?

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:01 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TTMU is still a member here. Please try to support TCD without attacking TTMU. It serves no purpose other than to push him away. SI does not condone attacking members or non members.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even six months ago, I wouldn't have believed that this could get better. know what? It has. I know that it is slow with plenty of bumps and set backs, but slowly, slowly, it has become better. And it will for you too, no matter what the outcome.

We are all together with you on this. feel it.

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 809 | Registered: Feb 2012
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey TCD. I just read this thread for the first time yesterday and I just want to say that I hope you are doing better. If you can't post any details here can you reach out through some PM's or e-mails with close friends IRL? Please take care of yourself. You deserve peace and your girls need their mom to be healthy.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3467 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
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