I really don't agree with this quote " that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". It feels like rather an empty platitude (to me anyway) and rather a judgemental stick to beat people with. IMO
And as hard as it is, you know you have to go through this; and you also know you will survive this.
We're worried about you. I hope us just being here and caring makes it feel a little easier.
I wish I could take some of your pain away.
I don't think the BS has to provide transparency, especially to an unremorseful spouse, so please, pretty please with a cherry on top, change your passwords and feel free to PM me anytime.
But honestly, I'm SOOOOO much more worried about you than TTMU. I want you to take some personal responsibility and stop letting his bullcrap give you excuses for your actions or how you feel. It sucks but YOU control YOU.
This could be out of line and have nothing to do with you, but I will admit I was not as focused on my kids as I should have been during in the beginning of this hell hole.. I was suffering my own turmoil, trying to fix my marriage, and trying to "fix" him, and my kids fell by the wayside. Please take a long hard look on how the children are being affected by all this crap. They learn by example, and I think the best example you can give them is how to treat someone like him. I try show my kids every day that I am honest, patient, responsible loving parent, who doesn't fly off the handle when she is mad or go into prolonged depressions. It was so very difficult to do that when dealing with my issues, but after leaving him, my relationship with my kids has increased exponentially. Please get them out of that hell hole.. They are learning the kind of treatment they can and should deserve from a future spouse RIGHT NOW.
I have extra rooms in my house in Florida, and I so wish I could bring you and the kiddos here. I can't keep feeding you fish, and not that I know how to fish all that great, but I can show you what I have learned already. I keep getting the feeling that you have all the classic signs of a battered woman, emotionally, physically, and sexually, and I bet you feel stuck, and it's so frustrating to convince battered women that it is NOT normal!! So many battered woman stay because they think they have no options, money, hope, etc., but you have so many options girl!! You just need to find them.
STOP LISTENING TO HIS BULLSHIT EXCUSES AND PROMISES TO CHANGE. HE IS ONLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU LONGER, AND YOUR LOVE AND CARING FOR HIM IS ALLOWING HIM TO DO IT!!!
If you don't think you can post here, try taking some advice from Gonnabe. She has had some FABULOUS posts, knowing full well the Sultan might be reading them. You know why? Cause that guy has NO control over here. And guess what? TTMU has NO control over you.
What is the worst TTMU can do to you for posting here? Hurt you? Well then you get the police on speed dial and put a restraining order in place. Stop letting him bash you for your posts and isolate you from one of your places of healing. He has no control over SI... This is where NO CONTACT comes in. No matter what he says about your posts does NOT matter. He gets no control of your feelings anymore. (just maybe don't post anything illegal, lol)
The saddest part is I think you think he just might change one day. You have hope. You think if you do XYZ, things will get better and he will stop treating you the way he does and hurt you. You HAVE TO let this go. You MUST let this go. What you do or don't do is NOT going to fix this man. It is his choice whether to stop hurting you or not, and he needs to fix that himself. He waited over a year to even mention counseling? Well that tells me he doesn't give a shit about listening to your feelings and your need to express things, and OF COURSE there is nothing wrong with him that needs to be fixed (hence the gaslighting that something is wrong with YOU and not HIM).
Marriage counseling would be so very fucking far away from helpful right now. This starts with him going to IC and learning to respect people, which he has almost never done given your posts. When you give up the notion that you are somehow the cause of his disrespect, have deserved it any way, or have any control over it if you do things differently, you will be so much better off. Stop tying your self worth to how he treats you..
Please, anything I can do, let me. I worry about you girl. Maybe I'm projecting because I've been through this hell, but I want you to realize that you have no power over this guy, and I want you to embrace your own power.
I'm sending you the biggest strength and hugs that I can. Please, if you need anything, PM me... I don't mean to be a crazy stalker, but I love you to tears, and I wish to the high heavens I could give you some peace and trust in yourself
As always, you can PM me too. Im really worried about you...we all are.
Are you safe,TCD?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
We are all together with you on this. feel it.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie