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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: understanding my dad
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Infidelity creeps it's fingers into every part of our lives. It reached far into mine last night.

My dad text me at 3am to he say he was listening to Ennio Morricone's soundtrack from the film The Mission, he was thinking of me and hoped I'd had a nice birthday.
My parent's had gone to see that film while my mum was pregnant with me. They had purchased the soundtrack and would listen to it at home, apparently when I was a tiny baby it helped settle me to sleep so it reminds them both of the new baby days with their first born.

On the face of it, this seems like a nice text to receive. But my dad's life was damaged by infidelity just eight years after I was born. My mum had an exit A and left him. My dad has not remarried and, to our knowledge, has not had another partner. He lives alone and for a long time he was an angry, bitter man. Only in recent years has he seemed to have healed, the birth of my children, his first two grandchildren, helped enormously with his healing.

So after I read the text from my dad I lay in bed thinking about the time in his life that he was remembering. His first child had just been born, his marriage was a happy one, they had good jobs and a lovely home. It must have been blissful. Just eight years later it was all stolen from him and the years afterwards filled with pain.

As a teenager/young woman, I could never understand my dad. He was angry at the world and I didn't know why. I resented my dad for letting his own issues interfere with my relationship with him. Now I get it. I can see that pain everyday in my BH. I have inflicted the same pain my dad felt onto my BH. I cried until I fell asleep.

No point to this post really. I'm just surprised at how it hits me sometimes and each time, I 'get it' a little bit more.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BrokenButTrying - As a teenager/young woman, I could never understand my dad. He was angry at the world and I didn't know why. I resented my dad for letting his own issues interfere with my relationship with him. Now I get it. I can see that pain everyday in my BH. I have inflicted the same pain my dad felt onto my BH. I cried until I fell asleep.

I totally get the "infidelity sticks its fingers into every part of your life" thinking. I think that while it may have been a sad and difficult thing for you to spend the night thinking of your dad, ultimately, the understanding and realizations will be helpful to you in your self-healing.

Early last month, near the anniversary of my dad's passing, I too overwhelmed by the bittersweet memories of my father. Its only natural, I guess.

However, tears are therapeutic and healing in nature and if helps, you can visualize that the act of crying and shedding tears is letting out the pain and hurt in a liquid form, so to speak and yes, it does help.

HUFI

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love - Washington Irving


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3230 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember your post about your dad, Hufi. Hope you're feeling better now?

Yes I think last night, although painful, was a step in the right direction for me.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 3

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