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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW delivered by baby
Expat2
♀ New Member
Member # 41987
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi

A little bit of a different take here.

YOU decide if you want to report her.What goes around comes around ANYWAY!Maybe,being kind to her kids and BS is just that,being kind.

Personally,I dont think it will make you feel better if you report her.Shoot,in my opinion,even killing the OW doesnt make us feel better.Only time and hard work does that,so unfair...lol.

So,you decide what the value is that you want to follow and you act upon it.

Double betrayel is the hardest.My ws's OW is a friend of 25 years!


Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you that commented ,
since the MC had said not to report her, I have been holding on to a huge amount of anger but now that I have decided to go ahead and report the OW , I have felt a huge amount of relief !
That fact that she was my mid wife and that I had trusted her with a incredibly personal experiance , and she breached that trust has been eating away at my soul
I know tho that I won't be able to do it alone, so I think I will enlist the support of another friend or a new MC

[This message edited by littleflower at 5:06 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by littleflower at 3:55 AM, March 8th (Saturday)]


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've only read through the one page. But I wanted to say your mc is right. The marriage comes first (if he's remorseful). The midwife area is seperate . So I am in agreence with the midwife being reported. I don't entirely agree she is a predator. Your wh already demonstrated loose boundaries and morals.

That said, it's his actions now that will determine how your marriage works out, if it's not a deal breaker for you. I wish you the best and feel free to PM me anytime

Best wishes


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Littleflower))
So sorry you are going through. My heart breaks for you as I read your story. You need to report her! SHE chose to put her family's financial stability in jeopardy for a piece of ass. It was not your choice. How could someone do this sort of thing? I am sure other women would not want this type of person delivering their baby. I am not sure if she is a preditor, but she obviously has questionable decision making skills. Who does this? Sex with, not only a client, but a best friend' s husband during what should be one of the most special times in their life? And has the nerve to go through with assisting in the birth when she knows she is doing what she can to destroy the family of this beautiful new life? There have got to be some sort of issues going on with her mentally. This needs to be reported and those who regulate this type of thing will make the ultimate decision whether she loses her licence, receives some sort of disciplinary action, or counseling.
Meanwhile I think you need to 180 and take care of you and your sweet babies.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
stillsad1970
♀ Member
Member # 38977
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im in Toronto. Need me to kick some ass for you?
Ohhhhhh that would feel so good.
I joke of course, but only if there are witnesses.
Who says Canadians are nice? . You need to report her, immediately. She came to your home after and during both affair and her duties? Cuckoo!!

Take care of yourself and your babies.
Summer is around the corner. This winter has been hell.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That fact that she was my mid wife and that I had trusted her with a incredibly personal experiance , and she breached that trust has been eating away at my soul.

littleflower, I think the most important thing here is that you make a decision that gives you some measure of peace regarding that aspect of the betrayal. I'm glad that you have realized that breach of trust is not your fault, and that you have the right to report her without it being an act of revenge. I hope that you can find a friend to support you, and a MC that gives you better advice and support as well.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1684 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
positively4thst
♀ Member
Member # 23998
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with all the others. She needs to be reported and that is NOT being vengeful. Let's separate the two:

1. You hired a medical professional to deliver your baby at home. While in her care, she engaged in unprofessional conduct, broke the code of ethics*, and could have potentially harmed you and your child. In fact, she did much emotional harm. She is not fit for duty. Period.
*"We value mutual trust, honesty and respect"

2. This woman was supposedly your best friend. She used you,took advantage of you at your most vulnerable time, and betrayed you for her own personal gain.

YOU had nothing to do with any of that. We all make choices in life. Each choice has a consequence. Let the chips fall where they may and STAY STRONG. So sorry you had to go through this.

Lastly, I don't think your husband is a functioning alcoholic. Someone who drinks all the time, at work, and seems to drive all the time after drinking is not functioning. He's just an alcoholic. You have no control over that as well. Time for you to step back and focus on yourself and your healing, away from the drama others have brought upon themselves.

Look for a pro bono attorney for some advice.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: May 2009
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


lastly, I don't think your husband is a functioning alcoholic. Someone who drinks all the time, at work, and seems to drive all the time after drinking is not functioning. He's just an alcoholic.

positively4thst

You are so right ! Maybe he used to be a functioning alcoholic

Since DDay be has done everything to try and fix this.
Stopped drinking , has not never said any if it was
My fault ,has answered all my questions , he realized straight away that I wanted to leave and that he is lucky that I am even talking to him.
As far as I know there has been NC with the OW


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take it from an ACOA- adult child of an alcoholic. Your WH needs to be in some recovery program and your should join something like Al-anon too.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11233 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are caught between a rock and a hard place. If you don't report her it will eat away at you and you will take so much longer to move forward and heal. If you do report her it will jar against your nature which is basically a trusting, decent human being.

I don't see it as an act of revenge on your part to report her. I believe it is necessary for your healing. No, it won't be the thing that saves your marriage and it won't erase the damage she has done but it will allow you to make a stand and legitimately so. This woman has violated the most basic foundations of her professional code. I am not even going to touch on how disgusting her betrayal as a friend has been. While she had plenty of help in the form of your husband, she had no regard for you as a friend, patient or human being, nor the welfare of your baby.

She may not be a predator but she is an opportunist with narcissistic tendencies.

As for your H well it is good that he is showing remorse and trying to get help with his drinking. Once you have reported her, let the universe then take care of it and free your mental health up to concentrate on you and your family.

That is just my humble opinion.

Hugs to you

EJ

[This message edited by Ellejay at 12:26 AM, March 10th (Monday)]


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
sidney2718
♂ New Member
Member # 41190
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Littleflower: I'm not going to get into the "report the midwife" debate. You must do what you think is right.

What I'm concerned about is you. You report that your husband is trying very hard to reconcile and if that is what you want, it is a good thing.

I suggest that instead of worrying about midwives, you sit yourself down (lots of luck with three children under four years of age!) and figure out what you need to recover from all of this. Then make sure that your husband agrees to that list and actively works on it.

For example I suspect that he really should give up alcohol. Forever. He seems to have a problem with it and continuing to drink will, I suspect, lead to more problems in your family.

I'm sure there are other issues. No, you are not going to turn him into the world's most perfect husband, but you probably can turn him into one that is far better than the one you've had recently.

And don't forget, we really are rooting for you.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Northeast US
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, March 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey sidney2718
You report that your husband is trying very hard to reconcile and if that is what you want, it is a good thing.

I don't know what I want , after initial MC and reading a book I put a time limit of 4 months on me , a kinda a breathing space so I could get my head round what was happening and make an informed decision on weather to give this relationship another shot or not .


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a little update
I've discovered that I can first go through the Resolutions committee , which is non disciplinary
And if I'm still unhappy THEY will help me with other avenues that I can direct my concerns.

I finally feel like I might be able to move forward ....


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone tell me how to change the typo in the topic title - it's doing my head in
Do I have to wait till 40 or 50 posts ?


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't help with the title typo ... but it's not a big deal imho.

I'm glad you are getting some resolution.

One thing I caught in one of your posts is that the midwife's daughter babysits for you. Please cut all ties to that family, find another babysitter. I think having any avenue open to the OW is dangerous. What if WH has to escort the babysitter home due to weather or other adverse conditions - do you trust him to do that? Why would you put yourself in this position?

NC and 180 are difficult, but you and WH need to institute them towards OW.

Your WH needs treatment for alcoholism .. and AA is one of the best and most effective. I think that you too should attend AA meetings with him, and you might want to join an Al-Anon meeting for yourself. By classifying him as a 'functional' alcoholic you are enabling him to continue along the same path.

Glad you got a different MC, now to find an IC for you and one for WH.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BAB61

I know I have to get rid of the baby sitter -
I feel bad as she shouldn't have to pay for her mums stupid actions , but I know that going down the road of reporting the OW I can't have her daughter babysitting.

FYI , WH would never need to drop her home , only to the bus stop - what's tricky is that the OWH sometimes picks her up !!


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing I have learned by reading the "Wayward Side" on this site is that REALITY is what sometimes begins the change for the OW. Maybe by you turning her in she won't hurt another family.

Reality is her being turned in for what she did to you and your family. It's just like when my children were in elementary school, the counselor told them if anyone did anything inappropriate to them, they were to tell someone in authority, that this was not the time to be "nice" and not the time to think about the consequences to the predator. Please report her, her next "victim" might be spared.

The OW in my case also was a friend who babysat my children. It is sickening, and yes it takes a while to "get your mind around the situation".

You can look on the AA or Alanon website to get meeting times. In the US we have phone alanon meetings that can be accessed so that you can "go to a meeting" on the phone if you can't get out with your children all so young.

(((littleflower))))


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2244 | Registered: Jan 2012
littleflower
♀ Member
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW husband rang this morning to tell me that I should be reporting his wife to the midwife council

WTF

I didn't screen the call - had no idea it was him , I wouldn't have answered

This is turning into the worst trigger week :(


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

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