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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why do they turn communication sexual??
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've posted before about how to handle it when menz post flirty messages to me and take the playful banter a little racy. I wondered how to "play along" a little bit, without it getting "too too". From your feedback I concluded that it isn't easy to keep "it clean" when someone has taking it that way...and that it isn't worth it to try...

So, I got a note this weekend from someone I've only talked with on line on a dating site. We communicated a little bit this fall, no dates were set up, and communication just faded. I haven't written to him and he hasn't written to me for at least two months. And then this weekend, out of the blue, during the snowstorm he wrote "How are you keeping warm today?" I wrote something innocent about using my oven to make cookies. His reply "I was thinking of something involving friction" I write, "Like rubbing two sticks together to make a fire :)" His reply, "that is one way. Can you think of another way involving friction?"

Ugh. I'm thinking about responding: "I'm a classy lady. I like to flirt, I like to tease, I like to have sex, I like to talk about sex WHEN I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP and not before!!! And you, Sir, just blew it with me" but instead I'll just give him crickets....

Why do you people think it is okay to "go there" when texting on a dating site? Anonymity? What our culture says is okay? Ugh. just ugh.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3219 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. That is a bit odd. Nothing for months and right to the innuendo. He should have taken the hint when you replied the way you did.

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to have some sexual flirtation on-line before having a relationship, but you need to read between the lines when the other person is not there with you.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 738 | Registered: Aug 2013
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's just looking for booty and I'm sure there have been times where this method has worked for him.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4212 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
absolut
♀ Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's using the site to hook up. That's all some people even go online for.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you people think it is okay to "go there" when texting on a dating site? Anonymity? What our culture says is okay? Ugh. just ugh.

If all he is looking for is sex, there is no risk, for him, in broaching the subject too soon. It's gross, but it cuts to the chase and weeds out those who want something more substantial.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3478 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ew. Lord have mercy I feel like a dinosaur! I have been trying OLD and it usually lasts a few days before I get skeeved out and take down my profile.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The banter turns sexual right away with people who are only looking for sex. It's how you spot them. People might put in their profiles they are looking for long term, but if they are asking about sex stuff right away, they have revealed their true intentions.

Your best bet is to block those guys. There is no point in aruging with them.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
dontknowwhyme
♂ Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His reply, "that is one way. Can you think of another way involving friction?"

Try....

Would me putting my foot in your ass be enough friction for you?


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

try: Would me putting my foot in your ass be enough friction for you?

bwahahahahah

And this:

The banter turns sexual right away with people who are only looking for sex. It's how you spot them.
Makes perfect sense. Why does it take me so long to see these simple truths? Always looking for the good in people makes me kind of wonderful and kind of naive, I guess...

No worries. I haven't blocked him but I'm not replying either. Ever.

[This message edited by better4me at 12:23 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3219 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 9

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