Don't apologize for having feelings and having to express them. Venting can be a valid form of communication at times. Bottling up or stuffing our feelings is not supportive of self-healing. Too many of us men were never encouraged to share our feelings as children and so, as adults, we struggle to open up. Don't carry that habit into the future.
That said, there is a pattern to your behavior. You say you will do this or that and then, poof, you fail to deliver them. A pattern of wrong moves, wrong things said or not said etc.
The secret to successful R is consistent and continued healthy and supportive behaviors. Not words but actions. Consistently done over time. You need to stop promising and start delivering. Every time, each time. If you see today as being a new start, then its not enough to promise a new you to your BS, its time to deliver.
I can only imagine how devastating it was to hear your BW tell you that she doesn't love you or ever want to make love to you again. Those words would be hard to hear at any time or place but you may be more sensitive to them now because you are well aware that her words were spoken in direct response to the utter devastation that you inflicted on her. Accept that they were said in anger. Have some hope and faith that things can get better with time and consistent actions on your part.
Stilllovinghim - You have got to work every single day on yourself and on your M if you want this to survive. This is the most important thing in your life. This is the air in your lungs. Don't squander it.