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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Oh, it's difficult
Lost1000
♀ New Member
Member # 42675
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone,

I am obviously new here... this is the second time I am on this forum, which I consider very interesting and helpful... It's terrible really that the Wayward side "suits" me most, but this is how it is... I don't want to be too long in my first post... it has been 7 months for me since the Dday... it's hard... a lot of blame, pain... I am seeing a therapist, trying to anaylise why I did what i did... so stupid of me... i feel as this has been the first time in my life that my mind completely abandonded me... The A has been a psycho disaster and I am glad it is over now - although the AP still makes some "threats" and won't leave me alone... Now I am reading books on R... my BS rightfully says I should have been reading them before I did what I did... now I am trying to do all that is in my power to make things better... sometimes I feel so hopeless... I feel if it would make something better I would even kill myself... but I believe my husband loves me and needs me and my kids as well. So we live day by day, with good and not so good moments... I am just hoping all this will have the least negative effects on my kids as possible... I am so sorry for my decisions... But when thinking back about these 7 months I can think of soooo many great moments, so much closeness between me and my husband, true intimacy as we never had before... he became much more romantic and attentive towards me... I can only wonder why, I don't deserve it... and it is astonishing... to feel this gift of love in the form of giving me the second chance, of still wanting to be with me despite it all... on the other hand there is still constant thinking about the A, anger, fear, distrust etc. We are on the roller coster... I constantly fear of my BS anger attacks and try to prevent them... I fear of all possible flashbacks and triggers that could make our day worse... Past days have been good and I only hope we will survive this. My husband says we were winners in the past seven months and we need to keep going... I hope we will make it. I am reading all possible, experiences of other people... and I hope all can be well again. Before my A I thought affairs are something to joke about... now I see how awful they are, the worst thing one can do. If only I knew a year ago, what I know now :(

I hope I can join you again, especially when bad days come again... :(


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2014
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Lost1000

Keep working working with your therapist and supporting your husband. The rollercoaster is very common and as your husband works through the issues this rollercoaster effect will fade.

Is your H on the site? Does he have a support structure to help him work through his feelings? If he doesn't have an outlet to work through this it may take him longer to process.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 1:18 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)]


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lost1000

although the AP still makes some "threats" and won't leave me alone...

What is he doing? Have you sent him a NC letter? Is he married?

Is your BH aware of these 'threats'?

Your right it is difficult. And it just may get worse before you can even see a glimpse of light.

Hang in there~


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
mrs7
♀ New Member
Member # 42505
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Lost1000 -
You are right - this is a very difficult situation to be in. This site has SO much good info though, to help you. The healing library has wonderful articles for waywards. There are lots of people here with excellent words of wisdom as well. Know you are not alone.


Me -WW - 49
Him -BH -45
DD - 1-21-14
no children together
M - 3 1/2 years, together 7

Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: CO
Lost1000
♀ New Member
Member # 42675
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everybody for your support.

MovingUpward, no, my H is not on the site... unfortunatelly he wants to deal with the problem alone, he doesn't attend therapies or talk to anyone else about it, he doesn't have any close friends etc., just me... I needed to talk to someone else besides him, this is why I started with counselling. In general we now have a very close marriage, a lot of talking, making love every day, even twice a day, all this time after DDay... we go dancing etc what we have never done before the A... but on the other hand, he gets angry and I have no defence... and now I mostly live in this fear of new anger attacks...

AP is married, but he always acted as if he wasn't. Perhaps he and his wife have an open relationship, I don't know... he keeps contacting me, telling me I am responsible for him, but I don't make any replies... I tell my H about it, he is happy that I do, but eventually this contacts bring more problems into our marriage. I blame AP a lot for making huge pressure on me after my H found out about the A to keep the A... once (after D day) he said I need to be available for him all the time... how on earth... Even before I had difficulties getting out of the A, as the AP blamed me for hurting him and I felt guilty... I f.cked up big time by getting involved with him. I can only hope all will be fine one day. My H is who I belong to. We need to provide good life for our kids.

When writing here I must admit I fear the AP might read it... :(


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lost1000
♀ New Member
Member # 42675
Default  Posted: 4:57 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, SandAway, I forgot to mention - I did send him a NC letter, yes... begging for weeks to let me save my M and my family... then he called me and I asked for NC again and he said me and my H would never be happy together...

Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2014
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you contacted the AP's BW? If not, you need to. Then the AP should quit contacting you.

Also, change your number or simply block him. If he keeps harassing you, file a complaint.

And as far as the AP finding you here ~ screw him! Don't let him control your life.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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