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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He wants what?
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Shocked  Posted: 5:41 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Offical DDay was 2 days ago. OW was told we were in process of D. He no longer lived with me and basically I was crazy. I believed we were in R. So we both were taken back. OW and I confronted him separately and that's when he decided to CONTINUE his lies. He would tell me one thing and then go to her an tell another. Little did he know we were in communication.
Day after DDay, he comes home and begs, pleads for R. Quits his job, makes an apt with a counselor and cries his eyes out.
2 days of DDay, he tells me he is ending it with her, when in reality he went to her, cried his eyes out, asked her what he could do to make it right and definitely didn't end it.
Has anyone elses husband tried to keep you and OW around? I made him leave and started NC & 180. I am so mentally stressed and physically sick. This has been going on 8 months. He has lied so much it was like he has had two separate lives.

It hurts to breathe, eat, stand, think. Im in so much pain. He sounds like a crazy person.


Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
lostintally5581
♀ Member
Member # 37908
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I am sorry you find yourself here but we are all here for the same reason. Your ws sounds crazy to you because he is crazy. He is in the fog of the A. You did the right thing asking him to leave and starting the 180. If you yourself want to R you need to watch his actions don't believe anything he says. Ws's are known liars. More than a year into R and I still take everything wh says to me with a grain of salt.

As for the pain I wish I could tell you it will all be over soon but the fact is it won't. You have to eat drink plenty of water and get enough rest to function.

I would cut contact with Ow as well. She is not a friend of the M and I personally would not confide in her anymore.


There better not be a "next time"

Posts: 88 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: a mere speck in a much bigger picture
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. My Wxh did this. You can't believe a word that he says.

I agree that you need to cut ties with OW also. Her goals are not the same as yours.

Cut ties with both of them and go dark for a while. Take care of yourself only.

Welcome.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7615 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. It's such selfishness--he gets to lead people on however he likes, you suffer the fallout. You did the right thing to kick him out. Stay out of touch with him and focus on you. Gather your support system around you. Try to find the silver lining in things you can now do for yourself. The pain will persist but it will be so much worse for you if you let him get close to you again.

Watch his actions and put him on mute. Quite frankly he IS a crazy person right now. Look at him as someone you need to protect yourself from.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, the overwhelming majority of these cheaters try to keep both sources of cake coming from both bakeries after D-Day.

Very rare is a newly betrayed that doesn't eventually find out that their cheating spouse was still in touch with their affair partner and had not cut contact as they'd claimed. Your husband is really not that different than most of them - except he sounds like a lunatic.

I think you made an excellent choice. If he wants to continue disrespecting you, let him do it from somewhere else. Good for you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1746 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think what hurts the most is that he told OW that he loved her. He hasn't told me that in months. I feel so used up, that he is only keeping me around for financial support and so he doesn't have to pay child support. I have been working my butt off trying to make positive changes in myself and our marriage.
I feel like my time has been wasted and he has ultimately chosen her... and I hate that.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
IsthereEVERanend
♂ Member
Member # 42216
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He very well might be crazy. Many mental illnesses manifest in this kind of behavior. Sounds like you are doing the right things.
Keep in contact with the people on SI. We have your back. Just remember that this is not going away soon. Stay strong.
I'm wishing you the best.


Me: Older than dirt
FWW 63
DD 8/1990 She confessed to a 2 month ea/pa
Asked forgiveness but volunteered to leave. No way was I going to give her the boot

The eight most feared words used together in the English language: We need to talk. Th


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Utah
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well.. It looks as if he has chosen her. After just a few months he wants to end our marriage and be with her. Hes fighting for her cuz she wanted out cuz of his lies. Hes not fighting for me. Letting is going to be so hard. I tried so hard to save our marriage and life together. The OW lives at home with her mom. Has a baby. He just quit his full time job. Only works part time. I cover him on health and car insurance. He's going to lose some much but apparently she is worth it. That's what kills me the most. That I am not worth it to him anymore.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please get the advice of a GOOD family law specialist..

Your WH works part time... You cover him on medical and car insurance..

Is there any reason your WH can't work full time and pay his own medical and car ins..? Support himself?

Your WH may put a claim in for spousal support during a D if that is the route you two take.. The above questions are some that the courts will look at..

Time to get your ducks in a row to protect yourself..Hard enough to suffer emotionally, but it is worse when these people turn our livelihoods upside down too

[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:44 AM, March 6th (Thursday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe this was all part of his plan. The day after DDay, he came to me pleading to take him back and let him fix things. He quit his full time job that day because he worked nights and said it was easier for him to continue the A that way, and he wanted to be able to be home with kids, cuz for last 8 months hes barely been around, and to work on our M.
Then of course the following day he tells her he doesnt want me, loves her and wants to make it work.
This is all such a game and he seems like I am just nothing to him.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is the one who is nothing!

Let him figure out what a stupid decision he's made when he's stuck with this woman, her child, and no insurance.

Get a lawyer and show him what consequences look like.

You deserve SO MUCH MORE than this POS loser. You are going to get the best revenge--a life well-lived. I doubt he will ever be able to say the same!

Be strong and know that his actions have nothing to do with you. Zip, zero, nada, zilch. You have incredible worth and it is not dependent on whether he can see that, so long as you are able to recognize it in yourself.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
SurelyNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart goes out to you. We all know exactly what you mean when you say "It hurts to breathe, eat, stand, think. I'm in so much pain". Please take care of yourself - he is so NOT worth it. Get busy rebuilding your life, but be prepared it is an emotional roller coaster.
His lies are the foundations for his new life, you are better off without him and his perpetual lies.
nora bird is so right ... ... "Be strong and know that his actions have nothing to do with you" This is worth remembering, don't lose sight of the fact that he is the loser in this sad and sorry mess he has created.
((( HUGS ))) to you.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This guy just has ZERO sense of responsibility for his family. So he just expects YOU to do all the heavy lifting - supporting him, providing everything financially for the family while he sits home on his dead ass and plays Mr. Mom which affords him more time for his OW?

The LAST thing I'd be doing is thinking I wasn't enough for HIM. No, I'd be thinking more along the lines of, "why am I carrying this worthless, lazy cheater?"

Seriously. Really stop and THINK about who's not good enough for whom.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1746 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
CantLoseHope
♀ Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FaithnMe, I can't help but ask the question... can you really trust what the OW is telling you he is saying to her?

I have not read any of your other posts, which may have your reasoning behind trusting what the OW is saying.

Just thought I would throw that question out there.

I am sorry you are going through this.


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CLH- I do not necessarly believe the OW, I just know my H, and when confronted about the OW he didnt deny. I can see his phone records and know he is calling and texting her non stop. We have barely spoke in two days.

I know i need to be done. My head tells me I can do so much better. I am still young, only 26. I am succesful in my job and have bascially the only one to really take care of our family. He has fiancially stopped helping me a little over a month ago. I just recently got a 2nd job so i know financially will be ok. Just the lose of our relationship and what used to be is what hurts. And then the confusion of constantly going back and forth. He wants me, then he doesnt, then he wants me again. Its such a mind game.
He told me yesterday that i didnt want him to be happy. To me, that was him saying that i wont give him my blessing to be with her. He knows that if he chooses her then CS will be filed, he will have to get on his own insurances and Ive told him i do not want the OW around my 3 year old DD for a while.

Today i told him that we were done. That i am filing and to go be with her. It hurts badly, but this man has broken my family, hurt me, and hurt our children. I cannot allow it anymore. I had to take a stand. I let the OW know exactly what I said, just in case he tried to twist it around.

I cant clean up his mess anymore. But i just have to deal with the pain daily. Im gonna try my best to pick myself up, go out and create a life for me and my DD.


Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im gonna try my best to pick myself up, go out and create a life for me and my DD.

This is the best thing you can do for yourself and it shows so much integrity and confidence. You are right, there will be a lot of pain and it's a very tough situation to deal with it...but you are capable of taking this with grace and dignity and will come out with your head up high and a whole new future free of his BS and with a lot of happiness ahead. It's hard to believe but true! Just keep working toward the light at the end of the tunnel and it will get stronger day by day, though there will be dark times of loss and mourning too. It's all part of the process and will make you proud of everything you've come through at the end.

Just keep doing you.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While you are still M you have to keep him on you health insurance. However, you don't have to keep him on the car insurance. Cancel him off your policy, see how he like consequences.

You need to concentrate on you. Eat and drink lots of water. Focus on what you need and can provide for yourself to feel safe. You are special, even if he can't see it. You are worth so much, so don't diss yourself because of his bad choices. Stay strong. Watch his actions and don't listen to his words. Let him beg you to put him back on the car ins....don't do it. He needs to be a big boy and pay his own way. Don't do for him.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2961 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
FaithnMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been 2 days and we've barely spoke. He hasn't even checked in about our DD. He's been running around and calling her constantly. Its like he has just completely wiped his old life away. Hes picked up a new life with her and her child.
I don't understand. I hate this pain and I refuse to contact him, but now its not just the hurt hes caused me, its the hurt that he just doesn't care or try any effort with our child. Makes me so sad for our DD and my stepDs.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 18

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