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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just learned after 10 years about what my wife did.
OK now
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Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your former best friend described your WW as a 'crazy lady' yet he allowed her to move in with him? The paternity test is now becoming vital as to who gets custody of the children; the family could end up becoming split if only one of the children is yours.

Rather tacky and tasteless of your wife to move in with BF so soon; apparently she seems determined to build a life with him, but is he just as enthusiastic? He has already admitted he was in it for the sex and marriage is a lot lot more than sex. I see a train wreck on the horizon. I hope you don't bail her worthless ass out when BF puts her out on the street.

Your wife has a bipolar condition by diagnosis; unfortunately she has no value or respect for you and that is what is ending your relationship. The bipolar tendency hasn't caused her think so little of you so its time to move on, hopefully with you getting full custody of your children.

Posts: 1822 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stu, If you moved out of the family home into an apartment, who is caring for your kids while WW is off her medication(s)?


Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
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Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stu, I am very concerned for you AND your children.

I suggest you meet with a second attorney to get another opinion...your wife IS NOT stable to be parenting right now. She is completely out of control. Find out if there is ANYTHING you can do to get temporary custody of the kids. NOW!

((((Stu & children))))

Posts: 7628 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
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Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit this is one bizzare story with plethora of somewhat unbelievable twists.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have raised an eyebrow over a few things myself, but then again, you haven't met my wife's side of the family.

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
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Member # 42605
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I arrived at our house and the day care person told me my wife would be out for the evening. My wife knew I was stopping over to have dinner with the kids. Thatís why I called her phone, and found out who she was with. The children have never been unsupervised. My former BF doesnít really give a crap about my wife. He may say he does, and lead her on, but he tolerates her long enough to get what he wants from her. He said, she is crazy, and tolerates her for short durations. Itís not my problem.
Thatís why she is moving into my apartment, so she will have her own space. Otherwise she would probably fall back into an old habit (before she knew me) of sleeping with a guy just to have a place to crash (this is according to BF, when we talked).
Part of my discussion with her doctor was to make sure my children are safe. If I thought my safety and my childrenís were in jeopardy I would get a restraining order.
Adrina, your comment,
ďI have to admit this is one bizarre story with plethora of somewhat unbelievable twists,Ē
is correct. I have read and re-read this entire post a few times just to remind myself of the personal hell Iím living. Most of what I wrote came from her narratives to me which kept changing as we pushed closer to whatever the hell the real truth might be. My BF truths also kept changing. Her account of things at the psychiatristís office also changed. I was living in complete ignorance, with those rose colored glasses on, or blinders, keeping me from seeing the truth. The only thing Iím sure of is she cheated with a number of men. Everything else is pure hearsay as my lawyer has told me. We have records of bills, phone calls, e-mails and diary entries from the computer as evidence. I donít know if her signing a waiver for her doctor to talk to me allows him to communicate her history to others.
If I were to delete the fantasies she told me we might wind up with only a few pages. For example, I took at face value her story about being used in a tug of war in Puerto Rico. As illogical as it sounded, I went with it. I had no reason to doubt her, even if it sounded ridiculous.
My friend from the lab said the DNA results might be ready soon, Iím extremely nervous.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I apologize if you've already stated this, but, what is the point of the paternity test? You raised these kids, they are your children. I don't think finding out paternity should matter. It will only add further complications to an already complicated situation. Can you stick the results in an envelope and read it six months from now?
In the past week your wife has had sexual relations with two men. Not one. TWO.
File for divorce and work on you and your kids. There's no way they aren't being impacted by all of this so you should probably get them into therapy as well.
Uncomplicate your life. Kick her to the curb. Give your kids some stability and if she gets the help she needs and gets better in a year you could consider reconciliation then. But for now I would suggest you take control back and simplify your life.

[This message edited by cliffside at 9:12 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)]

Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Mar 2013
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Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cliffside, your advice and another thread I just read has convinced me, to not look at the results, at least for now. My disgust at my wife and her lovers and possible fathers of one or both of my children terrifies me. That I might reject them as MY children. I love them immensely and they are innocent bystanders in all of this. The idea that they might not be mine biologically scares me. I know what my former BF told me about birth control use with my wife, but he has lied to me so often I can't trust what he says. I don't want to transfer my anger to them; I'm all they have. I knew I could not deal with a negative paternity answer right now. I asked my friend to put the results in his safety deposit box at his bank. When Iím ready Iíll get it, or my children can when theyíre older, and better able to deal with it. I have arranged for counseling for them if needed. The right people at their school have been notified of the coming divorce. If there are other things I need to do, please advise.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I knew the right things to say.

I believe that your current path is a wise one---that of simplification. Remove the erratic circumstances(WW) away from the innocent and betrayed(you and the children).

I have said all along, that I believe that your WW was her screwed up ways...of communicating with you. I still believe that to be true to a certain point. But with all the new evidence, which really shows that your WW NEVER CHANGED HER ABHORRENT WAYS OF THE PAST, it looks like your WW is not looking for help. Just the fact that she went on as quick of a path of marital destruction the second that you left the house, goes to show how bad she is.

If there is ever the analogy of the oxygen masks in the airplane, this is it. You have to put on yours...RIGHT NOW...and put on your kids immediately afterwards. Everything else can wait. And once you and the kids are safe and stable, THEN you could revisit dealing with your WW. But as of this moment, she really is selfish as that may sound.

Good luck. You really have been through the wringer. Hopefully, some good news will soon come your way.

2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D

Posts: 2110 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
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Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So have you talk to her at all since the night she went to the hospital with your BF. Wow Stu you are handling this situation very well. Hold your head up high buddy. Not one of these people (evil people) that are part of the situation couldn't even come close to you as a well functioning father husband bestfriend. All three of them have got to be the most fucked up individuals I have ever heard about. Really your wife your best friend and that Adonis asshole, Are some really sick individuals that anybody could come across. Keep being strong for your kids and yourself. Keep us posted buddy i'm just dying to hear what she's got to say.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
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Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After everything that has happened with my family; this afternoonís incident is going to scare my son for years. My wife had given my children a key to her apartment so they could stop in if needed on the way home from school. When they walk home they pass her apartment. Today he was at the park near her apartment and school playing. He saw her car on the way home and figured he'd stop in for some food and see her. To make this short,he heard her screaming when he unlocked the door and saw Adonis on top of her. He thought she was being hurt and called 911 from his cell phone. The police arrived a few minutes later. I was called took him home and tried to explain what had happened. I also called my wifeís psychiatrist and he told me to bring my son right over to his house. Iím home now with both my children and my son is still shaking. F..k her! I donít think I belong here anymore? This has gone well past, Just Found Out!

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jesus my brother. I am so sorry.

Police report, Dr's report. Lawyer.

These kids may not be yours biologically, but, where else do they have to go? Are you willing?

File a TRO(temporary restraining order) and TPO (temporary protective order). Get her away from the kids.

Are you ok?

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
ďI have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.Ē
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
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Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continuing to post here is fine.

Your WW will not stop having sex with other men.

File for, NOW.

Mental illness/personality disorder notwithstanding, she is NOT doing a darn thing to attempt to become a 'safe' person for you or her children. It is time to take action to protect yourself and your kids.

What is her side of what happened this afternoon? Did you have any contact with the cops that responded to the incident? Has your WW contacted you about it?

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
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Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iíve taken the keys from the kids. Iím simplifying this; my son was told that since we are no longer living together as husband and wife that doesnít mean his mom doesnít love him, she does. Since we are not husband and wife she was sharing her love with her boyfriend. That sometimes when we share our love we make funny sounds of happiness. I told him that when his soccer team wins a game, everybody screams. He seemed to understand. He will be seeing the psychiatrist for a while. He knows about sexual relations and babies, but at his age he didnít have to see it. My wife spoke with him at the psychiatristís office. She told me she was sorry about what happened and there was no excuse; she should have secured her door. I told her I was talking to my lawyer about securing the safety of my children. She pleaded that I shouldnít take the children from her. I told her to have her lawyer call mine.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonnabe, the police told me no crime was committed, no report. That this isnít the first time they were called by kids who found their parents having a physical activity. They thanked my son for protecting his mother and calling them, and gave him a plastic police badge. He felt good after they spoke with him. They told me to seek counseling to make sure he was ok.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So having that convo with your son HAD to have sucked. I'm so sorry that she placed you and him in that position.

No, there was no crime committed. I was just wondering about how the scenario played out after your son called 911. I'm glad to hear that the cops that responded acted in a sensitive manner and handled the situation well.

She pleaded that I shouldnít take the children from her. I told her to have her lawyer call mine

Good answer on your part......

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
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Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbelievable buddy I feel so bad for you, and let me tell you one thing you've got some good karma coming your way. Because for someone that doesn't deserve that shit you have been getting abused in all different forms. And you seem like you're handling this horrible situation better than most would. You're my hero.!

I also would like to ask you. if it's okay with you.? So when you found out she was she went to stay with your BF in the hospital. How did that conversation go.? Mostly what did she say i'm just dying to hear against the complete insanity. That would be her! I just would love to hear what she had to say, Did you guys come to an agreement that it's over with your marriage. I think God damn. Was there any dialogue on her part about salvaging the marriage. Or she came to the conclusion that it's over just on her own so she can get back complete selfish and self-centered lifestyle and sick addiction that it's going to be the end of her. Wow someone's looking at you at least. Just think you never knew this was going on

And then I would just love to know how the conversation went with her calling you or whatever happened. Oh by the way I'm sorry I should have secured the door better. Oh my God what about your wife total behavior. No dialogue about what she's actually doing. She's one sick individual. If you feel like it Stu could you please fill us in any of that. And I apologize if I'm Out of line with these questions. Buddy please keep posting and good luck you and your children

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
OK now
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Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is your chance to gain custody of your children so you don't have to pay child support. Your wife is plainly an unfit mother; former prostitute and town slut. Sue for divorce and with all the crap she has carried out, plus her unstable mental condition, custody should be a breeze. If you don't she will nail your ass to the wall with alimony/CS come divorce time.

Funnily enough, if you do separate/divorce she will have a DNA test done. If the children are not yours she probably feels her chances of full custody are increased if she can prove you are not the biological parent.

Either way you need to stop playing the nice guy and excusing her every transgression. Being bipolar doesn't explain her incredible sexual excesses.

Posts: 1822 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
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Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you gotten pissed off enough to tell Adonis's wife yet??

Shut this shit down.

File. Go for full custody. Even if they aren't biologically yours..they are yours in every single way that matters.

Save yourself.

Save your kids.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trojan007 , I may do that when Iím ready to get my anger out by writing about it.
OK now, my lawyer is working on all of that and papers have already been signed by me and will be submitted tomorrow. I did the DNA testing and the results will be in tomorrow, I believe. I donít want to see the results. My friend is putting the envelope in his safe deposit box for now and my lawyer is getting a copy. I told him not to open it under any circumstance. We are to use all other evidence available to win this custody and divorce. If Iím not the biological father I will fall apart and I canít afford to do that right now.
Confused615, Adonisí wife already knows about all of his affairs, heís had many; including the ones with my wife.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
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