Question: Is this stuff usable by my lawyer if I got it without her permission?
Is that laptop also yours? If so, communal property.
Now that you're starting to get a little fire of anger brewing, please also consider turning in this adonis a-hole. That quack needs to no longer practice medicine with the kind of "ethics" he operates under. Surely, there are criminal charges ready to be filed. I think some detectives need to talk to your WW on that matter. All at your reasonable pace and capability, of course.
I think your decision for the paternity test was a good one. More so because of the medical history reasons. My thought on this is regardless if they were no your bio-children, I would fight for full custody. You were their father since birth. They only know you as their dad. Your WW is an absolute basket case, and your BF and ado-douche is clearly unfit for the responsibility.
As Jduff also said-Stu regardless of paternity fight for custody of your children. They are yours no matter what. You have been there since birth and you are the only father they have known. Fight for them, you should how zero trouble proving your WW unfit to have custody. You WW is a mess and her mental illness and atrocious behavior is not going to stop and the damage done to your children in her care will be devastating. I cannot imagine the pain for them if they lost you-you are the only stable person they have.
I am usually all for R if it is possible by two committed parties. Your wife isnt even remotely capable of R. She is fully engaged even at this very moment in deviant behavior and doesnt at all appear to be committed to her own mental health. I am so sorry but a life of continuing down this path would be too much to bear. Gather your evidence and start looking to a better, happier future. I am so sorry.
I appreciate your attitude in try to do everything possible, but I going to be blunt. In my opinion, you're trying to fix a pathological liar, serial cheater, and master manipulator. It can't be done.
She's playing you, and probably others including her shrink, and the multitudes of OM, like a concert violinist.
She's telling all exactly what they want to hear, then doing exactly whatever she pleases with no real consequences. It seems everyone is letting her make and chances the rules at will. This will not end well.
IMHO, this cannot be fixed, only endured.
Face the reality that the sooner this is over the better. Good luck.
Stu...I really have no words. The level of betrayal you are dealing with is staggering.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Please inform his wife and yes report him and his malpractice. He SHOULD NOT be a dr.
I've been reading through your thread the past couple days and finally registered just to let you know that I lend my support. I was very suspicious of your WW's first recounts of her tales and I had a bad feeling right away there was going to be so much more to your story. I'm sorry you had to go through this especially since your only fault was loving someone who betrayed you on so many levels. I'm very familiar with what bipolar does to people from both a clinical and personal stand point and though hypersexuality is a part of it, it can be managed with therapy and meds. Your wife was not managing it very well at all and was actively deceitful to you about it and so many other things. Even if her actions are fueled by a mental disorder, it's entirely on her to manage it appropriately so that it does not destroy your trust in her and your marriage like it did. It sounds like she's been justifying her actions for over a decade as "not really her" and blaming her actions on the disorder is causing her to keep repeating the pattern as you can see with further lies and infidelity on top of what has already been done. It's shocking to say the least.
I fully endorse that what you do is up to you. Your capacity to love and forgive would have to be much greater than mine to pursue R with your WW. I only hope you know that no one would blame you from walking away right now and that you absolutely deserve better than the sham of a marriage she has given you. Being a good mother to her children is the bare minimum. It's not something anyone is passing out gold stars for and it doesn't change there was one thing she horribly failed at - being a good wife to you. The road to recovery for her will be very long and hard and seeing as she's with the OM already it smacks of further transgressions and disappointments that you should not have to go through again. Think very carefully about how much more you can handle and weighing the likelihood that she will have relapses resulting in further cheating during R.
As for your children, I truly hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel and both turn out to be yours but given the time line I've pieced together reading your posts, your chances are not stellar when it comes to your first son. Know that if you do go down the path of D, your WW will have a period of darkness before she picks herself back up and moves on from this mess hopefully for good this time. I would be super vigilant if I were you about drug use and who she would be bringing around your children and I can PM you details to look for if you would like. Outing her past and present drug use to your lawyer and pushing for full custody at least for a little while immediately after D has started would be a good idea. That is something to ask your lawyer about.
Stay strong and remember that more people than those posting even are on your side and want to see you survive this tragedy.
Even if you can't use it in court, you very likely can use it for leverage. And since marital assets are community property, my argument would be that it was my computer, too, unless it is a company owned computer.
I think that is her ultimate objective; to divorce you, marry BF and bring up their[?] children. Obviously there would be a extra spice from Adonis lover if your BF wasn't available. I wonder if BF knows what he's getting himself into? She is a true dyed in the wool sl*t.
You really need to divorce no matter what the DNA tests reveal.
Thanks for your support.
I wouldn't ask your ex-friend one damn thing. Your WW may be mentally ill...but him? He's not. He was deliberate in his actions. Nothing he says means jack shit.
It is this calm, along with the facts that do not line up that is beginning to also give me doubts about the validity of this thread.
I mean you have gone from a gut feeling that she may have gone too far with a date, to a story where this same guy has been banging your wife for 10 years, supplying her with drugs, she is doing the fathers of the friends of your kids, doing other guys that the first date guy sets up and has been doing your friend for 10 years too.
She contacts your BF wife before you do, although she already claimed his wife knew earlier. Then immediately upon you spending a night apart, she has arranged to bang you friend again, this time in your own home, but he ends up in hospital. That delay doesn't hold her back, she bangs the Adonis again and you speak with him directly - without stating your reaction to him?
All this coming down, and you are calm. You talk with your BF, not beat the sh_t out him! But you will get back to us with what was said, I mean aren't you seething at that moment?
Nor do you say what your conversation was with the Adonis doctor who answered her phone, or do you do anything at all to this guy. I mean according to you, this guy has done everything possible to make your wife re-visit her supposed past before marrying you - drugs, porn, passing her around for tricks. Yet you do nothing to him, you don't contact his wife, the hospital he works at or your lawyer to seek charges against him.
I mean you are just too damn calm, your wife who hid this for 10 years now flaunts it in your face. Your story has made me think about things that I may not have noticed with my own relationship, but it has become too much for me to actually believe.
If I am wrong, and your story is actually taking place as you claim, then you need to take some serious action to protect yourself and the kids (if you chose them to stay with you). Financially, legally and morally with the A-hole doctor, and your supposed friend who was banging your wife while smiling at you.
If you have little value in her eyes and even less respect, what is there to reconcile with? Even if she promised to be faithful from now on, and the kids are yours [fingers crossed], there is nothing but convenience to justify rebuilding the marriage. Certainly not love.
To paraphrase a line from a Supertramp song, your wife's attitude seems to be 'Not much of a husband, never seem to get a lot"
I'm sure you can do better than the future your WW is offering you, particularly with her mental health issues.