I am so sorry about everything that is being uncovered in what you believed was your marriage. I am not surprised about her situation with the 'Adonis', her reference name alone tells you her feelings towards him.
The common thread is that she cannot say no to any dude who approaches her. The doctor, fathers of friends of your kids, a drug dealer in Puerto Rico, your BF (after your marriage). The list goes on, you can be certain there is more.
She may blame the drugs, but she probably wasn't stoned when she went to the hospital, or your kids events. She made many clear decisions to perform sexually outside the marriage.
You now know that your wife has disrespected you from the day you proposed and she has never shown remorse for over 10 years. Likely the same during your dating phase too.
Your wife has definitely uncovered some legal issues concerning this Adonis character if he really is a medical practitioner. He has abused the premises of the hospital by having sex with a patient, he has provided your wife with drugs illegally. He has totally dishonored his profession his marriage and you. I would take this opportunity to wipe the smug smile off his face. Seek legal action against him, report him to the medical profession, his wife and seek a paternity test from him.
You will need a sworn statement from your wife. Not likely considering her relationship with him is almost as long as with you. Plus she has probably always suspected he fathered the first child.
What you do with your supposed BF is your call. He has used you and your wife. I would inform his wife of what you know. Your wife may not be telling the truth that his wife knows at all.
It is time to protect yourself, seek legal advise and prepare for the worst. Talk to your family, seek their input as well as the IC.
Take care of yourself.
Someone just posted the (Adonis) Dr. Shit for brains needs to be held accountable for he as he hospital physician was your wife was a patient. First of all you need to bring charges against him. Having sex with her on hospital grounds given her drugs that's fucked up and I'm sure your wife not the only woman he's abused and definitely his wife needs to know ASAP.
Well I guess you found out BF isn't really a friend after all he's a real piece of shit. Would love to hear what he's got to say. I wouldn't even bother giving him the time of day.
After reading this – it brought me to tears. Saying to myself how fucking cruel people can be to each other unbelievable the people that are supposed to love you.
As for your children---I think that it is important to investigate for medical reasons only. Nothing changes between you and them. But the last thing you want to find out, is that they need medical assistance from you...only to find out that you are not compatible. If this could be done without the children knowing(I know...deception), you may keep from disrupting their lives.
If your WW never stopped using pot, then rehab wasn't really successful. She may not be using harder drugs, but with all her lies, I would doubt that she has stayed clean of these. If she was willing to be physical with your childrens' friends' fathers for drugs---then what isn't she willing to do?
It's just a whole new layer to the treachery. Now, those fuckers will have to be dealt with....in time. Like 5454 stated, right now, it is all about Stu.
You are doing great so far. Don't let anyone...particularly yourself...convince you otherwise. I hope your IC goes well. Lean on him and SI as much as you need. Remember, the deeper you fall down the hole, the closer you get to the bottom...so you can start your ascent. Good Luck.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D
However, that really needs to be *set aside* for the time being. Don't lose focus. Focus on you and only you. Obviously part of that is being the best Dad you can, it's part of who you are. Genetic testing may never be an issue. I reiterate my plea for you to implement the 180 and put the focus where it needs to be. There are decisions that you will be making *down the road* that are best made with a clear head. I remember your *I love my wife and would do anything to save my M comments*.
Good luck in IC today.
[This message edited by 5454real at 9:09 AM, March 20th (Thursday)]
I'm reading through this and it suddenly dawns on me that this is ridiculous.
Your best friend allows you to get married to (and continues to have sex with) a woman who is a known, heavy drug user and who, by the way, also has 3 kids? Really?? No concerns about HIV, Hep C, etc.?
A woman with this type of history goes through years of marriage and you never notice anything odd about her behavior - 'cause people with THAT much history aren't totally screwed up, right? All those years and you never said, "Hey, honey? What are all these burns and scars from?"
You never notice in 8 years that your kid has completely different hair/eye color than any other person in your family? Really?
And then - the kicker! Your wife had a preemie at 8 months.... THAT WEIGHED 7 POUNDS???? You do realize that could be a world record, right? Considering that, at 32 weeks or so, the average birth weight is 3.5 - 4 pounds. That's one big f'n preemie!!
Sorry, but I don't buy it.
'cause people with THAT much history aren't totally screwed up, right?
A trusting spouse is going to see what s/he wants to see and believe what s/he wants to believe to be true.
*a person who was also subjected to a long con and had no clue*
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
She described his body in detail and there were a few Polaroid type pictures (17) of him and her in bed (graphic) naked. Her entries described their activities over the weekend, sexual and non-sexual. HE EVEN LEFT ENTRIES in her diary about his time with her. He described in graphic detail language the physical activates he did to her and what she did with him. I’ve been married to her for just over ten years and we haven’t done those things; and she only knew him for a day or two. He wrote that I must be an “…hole.” He wrote that he heard me ask her to marry me and laughed, then had an orgasm; I said earlier they were in the act. He closed his paragraph with, “I’ve left you well lubricated for your boyfriend and if you need a refill just call me. You have my name and number.”
Seriously, dude. I was going to just let it go but if the moderators can't step in then maybe at least I can stop the madness.
Really? Polaroid-type photos? When was this... 1978? When was the last time someone took a "polaroid type photo?" Ten years ago is 2004. You do realize that there were cell phones way back then, right?
And this dude wrote THAT in a diary?? And she kept it, huh? For what, posterity?? Are you freakin' kidding me?
And, oh boy, nothing gets me off faster than hearing another man ask the girl I'm actively having sex with to marry him. Gotcha.
I think you're reading a few too many harlequin romance novels. Do you have any idea who Fabio Lanzoni is??
[Quote]I never knew that she used a birth control diaphragm; I didn't even know what it was until I looked it up.[/Quote]
Hmmm. You never wondered why your wife wasn't still getting pregnant with you? You never wondered why she had to go into the bathroom for a minute before she came to bed???
It makes sense now, most the guys she had sex with had pregnant wives; not all but most.
Well, of COURSE that makes sense.
Moderators, please.... hasn't this gone on long enough???
Man, I'd been rooting for your reconciliation, when I thought, as you did, your wife's transgressions were limited to the earliest days of your engagement.
In seeing the latest updates, I can now only long, sadly, for your release from this cruel train wreck of a wife. She never deserved you, Stu, but once she had you, she should've valued you above every man on earth- because you represented a chance for a clean slate. If ever a woman needed that, it sounds like she did.
But she never really saw your true worth, and took it for granted. Reconciliation, at this point, seems all but doomed by your wife's shocking discounting of your worth.
I hope, in therapy and through the encouragements of others here, you're starting to truly see it and believe it. Because you deserve a wife worthy of you, Stu. And they're out there, wondering where all the great men are.
I hope, one day, you find one, Stu. And that your wife discovers, eventually, just what a priceless gift you were to her. She may not fully get it until she confronts the devastation of losing the best thing she ever had.
“No, Lord,” she said.
And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
No one is asking you to buy his story, so instead of creating doubt in other members mind and at the same time making this member feel completely unwelcomed, we suggest you stay off the thread.
And for the record, just because *you* don't believe this could really have happened doesn't make it any less real.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Still got your back.
The OP, it seems to me, has only one choice. Divorce NOW. He has no wife, the kids aren't his, his "best friend" isn't.
I think he deserves a start-over. But before he does that he has to out his best friend to the guy's wife (after having sex with her, of course). And then he has to notify state authorities about Dr. Adonis and his ethics. Then he needs a divorce followed by a new career. I wonder if he has ever considered writing a novel? Or he could reconcile with his wife and they together could write a marriage manual.
[This message edited by sidney2718 at 8:56 PM, March 20th (Thursday)]
I am not sure I agree with your IC about posting here. The more you can let it out in any sympathetic forum, the better- an IC, a friend, a group, a website with over 40000 people who have suffered what you are suffering.
The added bonus is that here there is real empathy in the support and advice.
Stay strong. BUT- protect you. You need to focus on you so you can be there for the littles (dna yours or not).