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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do you feel like you don't fit in anywhere?
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel sad that so many feel so disconnected. I have nothing more to add in the way of advice or suggestions. I agree that much can be attributed to our mobile society where connections become lost.

Strangely, I feel I fit in more now than ever. Xpos is very hostile, negative, angry, and dislikes being around people. We seldom did things with anyone outside of his family or our children. He would not go to festivals, fairs or the like because,well, people are there! We went out to eat alone or infrequently with one other person or couple.

Now I'm busy all the time doing things with people of all ages from my grandchildren, to friends my children's ages, to friends near 80 and having a great life. And I've been traveling a LOT. I've reconnected with friends from childhood and school and made new friends from all over, like friends from SI and from my travels.

Life is good now! I never realized how much xpos was dragging me down!! I hope you find what you need to fit better.

Edited for typos.

[This message edited by thebighurt at 7:09 AM, March 5th (Wednesday)]


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2180 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to feel this way a lot. Then I kind of woke up and realized that the majority of people feel this way, and if I was unhappy with something in my life, it was up to me to change it. Since then I have gone out of my way to be the one including others, and you know what? That feeling of not belonging has completely faded.

I moved to a new country less than three months ago and already have good friends here, because I intentionally sought out people to connect with, made plans, made calls, reached out and intentionally made a community. I planned events, I invited myself to events others were hosting, I went out of my way to make potential friends feel special and to be a good friend - and people reciprocate.

Community is built, not intrinsic. So if you're unhappy, start building.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right Ama. And I've done that.

But sometimes it would be nice to be on the receiving end of the invites instead of being the one to do the inviting.


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not intrinsically unhappy at all. I like being alone most of the time, but there are times when it's fun to share fun with someone else. I can meet this need by going to targeted events (hiking meetups/bird club outings/knitting groups/etc. My musing is that there has never been anyone with whom I could share everything.

I have a few friends that I can be with who, while we don't share the same interests, we just mesh. I've moved closer to them, but not close enough. We are like a family--somewhat far-flung, but when we get together, it's like we never left.

I know I'm weird; I own it, and I like it.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19772 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
LearningToRun
♀ Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read in a book {rebuilding after your relationship ends, i think)that the feeling of being outside looking in at your life was a sign of depression\mourning the marriage.

I remember feeling like that at the mall. Could all these people look at me and know i was a marital failure? It passed, thank goodness.


Posts: 234 | Registered: Feb 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K9, ask to be included. "I've always wanted to try xyz, would you let me know next time you're going?"

I guess also in my experience if you treat people like they are special, they learn to value you and start inviting you naturally. Maybe that's not normal, but it has yet to fail me.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 46
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