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My boss pulled me in her office today and wanted to talk saying she was worried that I wasn't as focused as normal. I explained to her that I had gone through a lot over the last 2 months and tried my best to not let it spill into my work life. I had a big move. A lot of family-related drama. My daughter has been sick now for a month straight and is on her 2nd stomach bug in 3 weeks...

She said that one of my coworkers....I know which one.... had come to her and had complained. I have been taking on simple tasks from other coworkers as a way to lighten their workload and had made copies of checks and stuffed envelopes for two of them in the same day. This one particular coworker said not to bother stuffing them right now. I was on a roll and was trying to be thoughtful and went ahead and stuffed them so she wouldn't have to do it later not realizing they were internal checks that wouldn't be mailed anyway. It was my mistake and I own it and even told this particular coworker my error and didn't notice it until after I had finished (it was only 5 checks) and apologized to her. She, in turn, complained to my boss that I wasn't focused or paying attention to her.

Then, my boss said that a "few" people have complained about me talking to them too much during work hours. Everyone here talks to everyone and some people even sit down in other people's offices and do that. I have never been told this was a problem but apparently its disrupting some people. I am sure the one coworker is one of them since I tried to tell her one thing about my daughter one day on the fly and she told me she was busy and didn't have time to talk and had to finish what she was doing and told me to leave. So I did.

I told my boss it was never my intention to disrupt anyone's work and that I would make sure to never do that again. She told me that I don't seem as focused and ask too many questions...which is something I KNOW I need to work on. I have always lacked confidence and need reassurance that I'm not making a mistake. I've always been this way and I need to reprogram myself to have more faith in my abilities and try to research things better on my own before bothering others.

This whole thing has me shaken. Part of it...I completely understand. I need more confidence and I can cut out all personal talk and keep things strictly business while at work. No problem. Got it. But, I guess having someone complain about a pitily thing that I did even when I took full responsibility at the time of the incident and STILL throwing me under the bus seems uncalled for; especially when I was doing HER a favor by doing that in the first place.

I just feel very vulnerable right now. I don't feel like I can be myself and now need to internalize myself which is hard for me being such an extrovert. I'm just going to sit in my cubicle....do my job...and contact my coworkers that are 5 feet away for requests via email like they do for me. Period.

Go ahead...I am sure I deserve 2x4's. I guess I deserve what I get.

No 2x4's here. The woman with the 5 checks is definitely gunning for your, for whatever reason.

A "few" people??? I would need specific instances.

What I will say is that your boss appears to be starting to build a case to usher you out the door. Be very careful.

((Shelly))

No 2x4 Shelly. Just some advice.

1) Punch in, do your job, and punch out.

2) Work is not a place you go to make friends, so keep it business only.

3) Email your communications. That way they are in writing. No one can twist words or inject meaning. You're not taking up anyone's time, as they can respond to email when they're ready.

4) if you make work friendships, GREAT!, but keep it business from 9-5. Friend stuff off the clock.

I don't know what to think about "too many questions". I guess...a) Do you know your job description and what it entails? Do you know how to perform those duties and tasks? b) are the questions when OTHER tasks are laid at your door? c) if this is mainly for your confidence level--can you maybe write down your questions or thoughts and try to find the answers on your own? Maybe google...or a continuing education class?

5) All the stuff about your family drama, Piper being ill, all of that stuff means NOTHING to your boss. Your boss wants you to show up, do your job, and leave. You really have to separate your work life and your personal life.

Once you "settle" in at your dad's and Piper becomes accustomed to her new routine, I really think the drama is going to fade, too.

I'm sorry you're feeling beat up right now. It is demoralizing when you are trying your best.

You have to stop taking the shit your coworkers do or say personally. Stop trying to do them favors, too. Just do your own work, and do whatever else your boss asks of you.

You're a sensitive soul, Shelly, so of course this hurts. You have got to thicken up your skin. Be 100% business while you're at work.

And I'm sure some asshole will complain that "Shelly isn't friendly anymore." and that's too fucking bad. Be cordial, be courteous, but realize that YOUR job is more important than your coworkers feelings.

ETA: I agree with Williesmom. Be careful. Be EARLY to work. Do exactly what you're tasked with. And probably dust off your resume and start looking.

[This message edited by itainteasy at 12:16 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

Shelly, I’ll be honest. This has been my fear for a long time now. The following is said with love, but you’re right, you need a little reality here.

Here’s the thing – from an HR perspective, you’ve just been formally warned. Albeit in a verbal matter, the disciplinary train has left the station. After your meeting, I can assure you your boss has placed notes in your file about the meeting and the other coworker’s comments. It’s become a documented problem.

I’m going to be frank here and say you need to be humbled by this. Copping any kind of attitude, like “Fine, I’ll stop talking to people and just do my job” is akin to a kid saying “Fine, I’ll take my ball and go home.” It’s childish and you’re missing the point of the grace that she gave you with this being just a verbal meeting. Any adverse attitude is only going to make matters worse.

You need to start LISTENING to people. When “envelope coworker” told you not to do the task, you should have backed away. Honestly, what is a Senior Accountant doing stuffing envelopes anyway? That is a task way below your pay grade which would irritate any manager. She has a right to be pissed!

Take a step out of the drama here and REALLY think about what just happened. Look within to make the changes. What I would do if I were you is I’d think long and hard about things over the weekend and then commit myself to attacking the things your boss has pointed out to you. In other words, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. Don’t think this is your boss just being a bitch – she’s doing her job as your manager.

ETA: To take your weekend pondering further, sit down and write down the reasons/issues you are having to ask questions. Another thing that will rub your manager the wrong way is if you are asking the same question over and over. Once can be defined as a training issue. Multiple questions on the same thing is someone just not getting it.

Then on Sunday, email your boss (doing it over the weekend shows your boss you have taken her comments seriously) and ask to meet with her to discuss your meeting of today. Just be short and sweet, saying something like “Sally, I have given our meeting on Friday a lot of thought over the weekend and would like some of your time when it’s convenient for you to discuss things.” That’s all you have to say. Then wait patiently for her to respond. Go in with your notes, and MOST importantly, an action plan on how YOU are going to make the improvements. You're at a senior level - she shouldn't have to tell you how to do your job other than directing you to the firms' nuances.

DO NOT bring up the personal issues in the meeting. It's not her problem and even though you've taken steps to fix things, show her by your attendance and attention to detail that those things are taken care of.

You need to be proactive and show her that you mean business about improving. Give her every reason in the world to give you another chance.

You know I care otherwise I'd sugarcoat this.

This is serious stuff, my dear.

You need to get your head back in the game. The last thing you need right now is to lose your job.

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 12:57 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

No 2x4s from me. You really are dealing with a lot at the moment. Chin up and keep moving forward.

I second and third advice already given. There is definitely a motion to build a case against you. All you can do now (and it may be too late to make a difference but will help you in the long run) is practice and train yourself to leave your personal problems at the door. Go to work, do your job, clock out.

Expecting support and friendship from co-workers at the moment needs to be put on hold. Listen to directions given. Try the task requested, when you start to feel panicked or unsure, stop - breath in 5 seconds, breath out 5 seconds (repeat a few times, centre and refocus) - then review the task.

If you are actually unclear about the task seek confirmation of instructions ie repeat back to them what was instructed. Is there a way or means of validating your work as you go that would enable you to self validate you are doing it correctly? As an accountant I assume all transactions etc should balance,so can you set it up to cross check your own work so that you don't need to seek repeated validation from others that you are doing it correctly?

You can do this Shelly, you have already surpassed and thrived monumental traumas. This is just another bridge to cross.

And I'm sure some asshole will complain that "Shelly isn't friendly anymore." and that's too fucking bad. Be cordial, be courteous, but realize that YOUR job is more important than your coworkers feelings.

I agree....that's my job from now on and I do need to toughen up my skin. I know this about myself.... its an ongoing struggle.

Honestly, what is a Senior Accountant doing stuffing envelopes anyway? That is a task way below your pay grade which would irritate any manager. She has a right to be pissed!

I was stuffing envelopes because during my performance review my boss told me that I needed to start taking simple tasks off of those 2 coworkers hands...hence the "pee-on" work. I don't like it but it is what I was told to do. So, I'm not going to argue with the boss. I've always made the copies and stuffed the envelopes...but this one time, she decided she didn't want them in envelopes. I made an error and I even owned it to her.

The odd part is that my boss told me that I SHOULD have come to her and told her I was dealing with personal problems and she said she did care to know about that because otherwise she thinks its just me losing focus. I explained to her that I'm settled at home now and things are quieting down and should go back to normal and apologized for any confusion as to where I stand and said I would work harder on building up my confidence and handling situations more on my own as opposed to needing reassurance or asking too many questions going forward. I also said I would respect my co-workers need for their work time and not bother them with small talk anymore and that it was never my intention to be disruptive.

I'm just frustrated because I have made leaps and bounds to tackle the tasks that I told my boss I would work on during my performance evaluation 6 weeks ago...despite all of the personal crap that I've had to deal with in the process...and I've done really good IMHO. She even said she could see that I was working on those things. And, now this. I just feel highly discouraged right now.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:25 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

I agree with AJsMom.

You need to learn to check your drama at the door. All of us have issues and problems. My ex left and my dad was diagnosed with cancer in the same month. I went to HR and explained I was dealing with a lot (without going into detail). I covered my bases. Then I made damn sure I did everything as well as I could or better.

My boss pulled me aside months later and told me that she knew I had dearth with a lot personally and that she had a lot of admiration for how I handled things.

One thing I have noticed is that you come across as wanting special consideration for your challenges. Stop that right now. You don't get a single mother pass, a sick child pass or a moving pass, any more than anyone else gets any other sort of pass. Handle your issues as much as possible OUT of the office and check the drama at the door when you do get to the office.

I encourage you to take AJM's advice. You are skating on very thi nice and need to step up your game big-time like yesterday.

Cat

Itainteasy and Ajsmom nailed it.

Re-read those posts again.

Not to t/j this topic, but sometimes it can pay to be proactive re: dealing with personal situations as fas as they affect your work life (like your boss saying she would have wanted to know you were dealing with personal problems). The first day after my husband put me out of our home, I went to our Deputy Commander (second only to the Admiral), and explained the situation to him. This was a grizzled old Marine with a "spit" jar on his desk, so needless to say, I was very uncomfortable doing so. He was happy when I reassured him that the situation would NOT change the quality of my work in any way. (I'll be honest, there were a few times I cried in my private office - but I had a closed-door policy due to the sensitive nature of my work, so no-one saw me.) And as a former supervisor, I will say that if you've had only 6 weeks since your last performance evaluation, you need to take your supervisor's talk very seriously. No excuses, no justifications. You need to show up and step up your game every day - concrete and measurable results are what count, particularly during the busy season coming up. I know you can do it!

You need to look for a new job. They have been building a case against you for a while now... You need to be careful they don't strike first and fire you. It seems nothing you do is right... They are annoyed at you for simple things, even when you own up to it. This isn't a good sign.

One thing I have noticed is that you come across as wanting special consideration for your challenges. Stop that right now. You don't get a single mother pass, a sick child pass or a moving pass, any more than anyone else gets any other sort of pass

I don't expect special treatment for any of my issues. In fact, my boss was upset that I never came to her about ANY of my issues. When my child was sick, I ONLY took time off of work when I absolutely had no choice. When she was throwing up on nana and daycare wouldn't take her, I stayed home and took time off without pay. I never expected any kind of special pass. I never told my boss I was moving. It never came up. I didn't think it was relevant to what I did at my job and I didn't think it affected my work. In fact, I think I've done really well. Yes, I ask a lot of questions and my confidence lately has been shaken and that is my fault but I've come a long way since a year ago at that place. My boss has even said so. I just need to focus and do my best. That's all I can do. Apparently, I didn't know that I was bothering certain people and that's an easy fix. I will do what someone else said and do my job and go home. That's easy enough. I can do that.

I actually had a coworker come up to me today wondering if I was even there because she hadn't seen me all afternoon. I just replied that I was engrossed in the work I was doing. Simple. I don't want anyone to treat me differently just because I go through hard times. EVERYONE goes through hard times. I'm no different or special than anyone else. Now I just know I need to watch my back, do my job to my best ability, work on my confidence level, and get it done.

I can do that. I know I can. period.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:41 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

Oh Shelly I think you and I are similar such givers and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Unfortunately in the business world this is seen as weaknesses.

I have a bitch of a boss too, I am fairly certain is NPD. It's frustrating as nothing I am doing seems to please her right now, I am under a lot of stress, my job role has almost doubled, I am fixing a lot of problems that another co-worker is making. I help everyone where I can, I like helping people, I am told not to help. I am told to let the boss know about the co-worker errors, when I do, I get shot down as I'm not a team player blah blah blah. I can't win.

I actually was in trouble for nothing in particular yesterday myself and had a person harassing me on the phone at work, verbally abusive numerous times and no support from the hierarchy above, basically told not to take it personally WTF! I was in tears. I am planning to discuss the issue again with the boss next week.

All I can suggest is let your emotions out at home, get some rest and hopefully Monday brings a new week for us both. Try and put it behind you if you can.

((Shelly))

Hi Shelly,,

that I wasn't as focused as normal.

Your boss thinks you were doing a great job and she wants you back to that place.

Smile. Put a really good attitude on when you walk into work tomorrow. Do your job, and it will make your supervisor think the "tattletale" is the one with the issues. In fact, if you can look long term, plan on outlasting this employee!!! It works for me every time.

You can do this.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 6:19 AM, March 1st (Saturday)]

Honey, you are in the process of being fired. I sent you a link to a work at home accountant position and you didn't even look at it. Maybe you should give it a try before the rug is pulled out.

All of this:

1) Punch in, do your job, and punch out.

2) Work is not a place you go to make friends, so keep it business only.

3) Email your communications. That way they are in writing. No one can twist words or inject meaning. You're not taking up anyone's time, as they can respond to email when they're ready.

4) if you make work friendships, GREAT!, but keep it business from 9-5. Friend stuff off the clock.

I don't know what to think about "too many questions". I guess...a) Do you know your job description and what it entails? Do you know how to perform those duties and tasks? b) are the questions when OTHER tasks are laid at your door? c) if this is mainly for your confidence level--can you maybe write down your questions or thoughts and try to find the answers on your own? Maybe google...or a continuing education class?

5) All the stuff about your family drama, Piper being ill, all of that stuff means NOTHING to your boss. Your boss wants you to show up, do your job, and leave. You really have to separate your work life and your personal life.

For taking on additional tasks I would talk to your boss and tell her that you will send them email requests for assignments or that she needs to tell them to give you a list of assignments either at the beginning of the day, end of the day for the next day, or at the end of the week for the following week. It shows you are taking the initiative but also putting the onus on them to take the time and plan it. That will give you time to review these, ask any questions you may have via email (and ALWAYS cc your boss) so that you are clear on what needs to be done and what they expect. Request that they put due by dates/times on each assignment so that there is clear communication as to what you need to do, when it needs to be done by, and any special requests that may go along with any assignment.

Edited to add that I see nothing in this as they are looking to fire you. As was said earlier, I agree at this point your boss wants you at the performance level you were at. If anything else happens, contact you EAP - employee assistance program - and get help. Set up an appointment with a counselor, etc. If you think your job is at risk, do this. They cannot fire you if you are getting help for your life stresses unless they want a lawsuit. They can eliminate your job and not fill it again but it still wouldn't look very good on their part.

[This message edited by Mousse242 at 5:25 PM, March 2nd (Sunday)]

I agree that I don't think they are YET at the point of firing me.....I've seen them let people go without a blink of an eye and my boss has always seemed to like me. I think she is stuck between a rock and a hard place and is trying to play mitigator as well. I know now that I need to step up more and hold back as well. I'm gonna do my job and keep to myself. That's the best thing I can do right now. I HAVE applied to some other positions just to be on the safe side...but it is hard to find work making what I do and work is a bit scarce in my area...but I have been keeping my eyes open. I'm not naive to the idea of being let go. I was laid off from my last job...but it was a blessing as the whole company went belly up less than a year later.

Like many others have said....this has opened my eyes that the business world is just that. Business. Its a cold callous place and expecting to have friends that you trust there is being a gullible child. I should have known better. I still somewhere deep down inside of me...despite all that I have endured...wanted to believe that people are innately good...and I doubt all of that now. At least now I know to watch my back before I get a Julius Caesar move pulled on me ..... I Hope anyways.. Thanks for all the tips everyone. I will be working very hard to get myself back into a good place with my job ...and my boss.....while still looking around for alternate opportunities. It saddens me because I really did love my job and now I know I can't truly be myself at work but it is what it is. I will go in...punch in...work hard...be cordial....punch out. Period.

I changed careers 18 months ago and I was in fear of losing my job for quite a while. My strategy? Make myself valuable. And I did that by learning my job inside and out, creating strong and positive relationships within my office, and, most importantly, never taking any of it for granted. So, I now have a stronger feeling of stability, but I'm still working at it all the time.

If you make yourself valuable, then when you do have kid sick days, or other unfortunate circumstances, it is viewed very differently than if you haven't built that into how you are seen as an employee and coworker.

You can do it Shelly, and you will get there, just keep swimming.

I will persevere....

I have come a long way at my job...and I just need to take a bigger leap to show that I am willing to go the distance....and I know I can do it! I'm a fighter....and I'm going to prove it. This Southern gal is digging in her heels...

Sometimes certain groups of people simply don't fit in with others. It does not mean you are incompetent or cant do your job. It just means you don't fit in with this group. A person your age and with your accounting background should not be stuffing envelopes for your coworkers. They are not seeking help from you, what they are doing is trying to relegate you into a submissive and discounted role within the department. They are painting you to be the target of their displeasure. And being the supervisor is going along with them I would suggest you either request a transfer or look for another job. Office politics can be a very frustrating and dangerous scenario for your career. Business and the work place is not for making friends. You work to make money and that's how you must view it. I see a pattern with you from reading your other posts that you try and be everybody's friend. You allow people to abuse you and hardly stand up for yourself. I suggest you take proactive steps in being more assertive. I spent 32 years working in Investment Banking. One of the most vicious, back stabbing, lie to your face industries. I cant tell you the number of times people have thrown me under a bus just to save their own asses.

Its in that spirit that you need to grow some thick skin. Stop allowing others to walk all over you. And if you find yourself in a place that does not appreciate your talents, find another. Never allow anyone to threaten your livelihood. If confronted with displeasure of your performance ask for specific instances where you are failing. Don't accept blanket statements like "you don't follow instructions" Request in writing to your supervisor for instances of specific tasks that you have not shown enough concentration. This allows you to defend yourself in these situations. It could be that a coworker did not fully explain the procedure or give you enough training to perform the task. Get into detail about how your accuser does not communicate properly. What is happening to you is that your being set up to fail. If your supervisor does not give you satisfaction, go over his/her head to the next level. Communicate your own displeasure of the level of training your receiving. Explain that you are willing to be a team player but your coworkers insistence of pawning off his lackey work is not why you are in this field. In other words turn the tables in a professional manner on them. If they have complaints request for specific each and every time. Do this all via e-mail so you have a record of what was being said.

I suggested earlier to look for another job and I think that's sound advice. I also agree with the others that they are "managing you out" but that does not mean you have to sit there taking it. Office environments are just like being in the wild, only the strong survive. If you continue being the slow gazelle, the Lions are going to keep pouncing on you. You need to step up your confidence and defensive game my friend. You may not be successful at keeping these folks at bay. But the least you can do is make things a bit uncomfortable for those who want to see you fail. I have managed hundreds perhaps thousands of employees over my career. And I have seen your scenario play out over and over. And the advice I have given you is what I gave those who came to me for guidance. You can lay down and take it and suffer what ever comes from that. Or you can fight for yourself and demand respectful treatment. Just make sure you do things professionally and never make claims you cant back up with documentation. I suggest you try this. At this point you have nothing to lose.

I like Stronger's advice.