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Newest Member: Heartbreaker1999 (45457)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Advice please
AfterTheStorm
♀ New Member
Member # 42037
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H sent me a text this morning to let me know that a prior manager had called and offered him a job with a substantial salary increase. Problem here is that OW works there! I asked him how he felt about it and I honestly think the $$$ is the only thing he is thinking about and not how this will affect me. The wondering and worrying that they have reconnected and are spending their lunch breaks doing what they used to do. I did voice my concern and feelings about this and he said we would discuss it and make the best decision for us, but I'm afraid he's already seriously considering the move without regard to the fact that OW will be in his presence everyday. I can't go through this a second time!


Me-BS 39
Him-WS 39
EA 2+ years/PA 6 months with COW
Married-16yrs
Kids-2
DD-4/8/13

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be filing for divorce if that happened. Sorry. I don't even think it should be a consideration on his part.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jan 2011
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Rebreather. I wouldn't even discuss it.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
TennisTC
♀ Member
Member # 41330
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no. My WH switched jobs after his A with a coworker, and when he left the old job it was like a boulder was lifted off my chest. There is no amount of money that would make me even consider it. And I truly mean that - I don't care if he was offered a million dollars a year.

Money can't buy peace of mind. Money can't buy a two-parent household for your children. What are those things worth to your WH? Is he really willing to risk those things for $X (amount of raise) each year? Because I think it's almost a given that he would be trading that amount of money for your peace of mind if he accepted the job offer.

[This message edited by TennisTC at 1:08 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW Him: WH (Both early 30's)
Married 11 years with a DD7
DDay: 2-24-13
R'ing

Posts: 167 | Registered: Nov 2013
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would point out that his pay increase won't cover the money he will lose in a divorce. This is a consequence that he will need to face. He can never take a job where OW works, no ifs and or buts...


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 576 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5

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