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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Battle within myself -thoughts?
tryingtoholdon
♀ New Member
Member # 36065
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So.... things are going VERY well in our marriage now (about 1 1/2 years past DDay) and while I still rollercoaster, not anywhere like it was. BUT....I struggle with myself over contact with the OW (I call her SLUT). I know soooooo much about her and could easily track her down. I have practiced a speech in my head so many times-I could hurt her deeply with words. Would you "accidently" run into yours and have your say if you could-or does it just bring us down to their level?


Me-BW 49
WH -52
Married 25 years -together 31. DDay-June 15, 2012 EA/PA -Jan 2011-June 2012
Status - Working...working..together

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails." Elizae


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: New York
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd walk away. If she followed, I'd call the police.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 12:57 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryingtoholdon -

Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting in Recon. There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum. Thank you.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:58 PM, February 24th (Monday)]


Posts: 35846 | Registered: Mar 2011
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could hurt her deeply with words

Unless she has done some serious soul-searching and healing, your words won't hurt her.

Concentrate on your healing. The hate and pent-up anger you carry for the OW will eventually show up in places you never expected.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I think of OW she is nothing and deserves nothing.
Talking to her would make her feel worth. She is nothing to me or my fWH so why would either of us talk to her again?

Compared to her I am a saint and such a better woman. This is easy to do because OW is at the bottom of the barrel. I know it, my fWH knows it. I don't care whether she knows it or not. She is nothing and deserves no schooling from me on what she did, what she is etc. OW is not worth any of my emotional energy.

I'm working on taking back things and blocking OW from my thoughts if you can't tell...


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought many things, but I chose to act more wisely.
The first OW: I found out about A 4 years later. I texted her anonymously and told her: "hey stupid cow, look around you, your BF is cheating on you".
She had some slutty friends as far as I knew.
So,if she was with someone at that time, I created a little mess. If she wasn't with someone, she would just go and ask explanations from her dildo.
There would be no need to smash her car or call her names etc. You hurt back at the same spot (heart) they hurt you. End of story.

The second OW: She hasn't a good name when it comes to men. Friends know, stupid H knows now. Anyway, H and I went to a public place where friens and OW were. I said hello to everybody, I didn't show anything. I DISREGARDED her, like she didn't exist, she was NOTHING to me.
My mum has told me that this kind of thing can "kill" such people. It worked.

Bottom line is this: Other People were, are and always will be there. The CHEATER is the key and should take the WHOLE BLAME. Period.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 208 | Registered: Nov 2013
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to be at an event with the AP the other day -- lots of people, so it was easy to avoid her. I had lots of friends there, so I focused on them, and my son who was the reason for us being at the event.

I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see her and her OBS, but my H did. Funny thing, I just pretended she didn't exist. It was nice -- and freeing. It didn't feel like "AAAArgh!!! Terminator-vengance good," but it felt serene. Like I had my life back.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Lethealbegin
♀ Member
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your pain! I knew the OW she was a friend ha ha!! Anyway I think my Ow would want the attention! I could call her all kinds of names or sing the song I made for her but at the end of the day she is a sicko!!! Why waste my time. She will pay for what she did one day. I do think about her at times and get very angry because she blamed me and her husband for all her actions. She really is pitiful.

I have so many things she will never have
I have grace
I am kind
I can hold my head up high
I love myself
I have friends
I have people who care about me
I have dignity
I have class
I have integrity
I am a good person
I am a great friend
I am a great daughter
I am a great wife
I am a great mom
And etc...
See your OW will never have what you have! It is sad that they think the way that they do! Keep your head up high! Kill them with kindness!!! Drives them crazy


BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Two little ones
Married 19 years
Together 26 years

Posts: 147 | Registered: Jul 2011
peoplepleaser
♀ Member
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I've fantasized about it. The most recent AP sent me a mean text after my WS sent a letter explaining stress nothing to her. I got my say in response to that by basically telling her she was nothing more than a symbol of what my partner was capable of doing to hurt me. I added stuff in there about how she should have known better having been a BS in the past. But that was it. She never responded, which I was happy about. The one from years ago was a friend, so I'm more invested in wanting a say, but any say at all would give the APs more power than they deserve. Ultimately the only power they had was what WS have them, so my anger always shifts back to WS.

And the other post was right, it won't affect them anyway.


WS: 39--2 EAs
BS: 39--me, faithful
DS: 6
9 year relationship in R.
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013.
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011.
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 697 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
tryingtoholdon
♀ New Member
Member # 36065
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks....many times over. I greatly appreciate your thoughts, it helps keep things clear. I am struggling, but probably will never have my say-except in my head- and I guess I need to accept that. Karma is doing a number on her -again, I get all the info. So, time to try and push on. Focus on the good and let the dirt stay on the ground.


Me-BW 49
WH -52
Married 25 years -together 31. DDay-June 15, 2012 EA/PA -Jan 2011-June 2012
Status - Working...working..together

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails." Elizae


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 10

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