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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 13
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Especially given that your son is elevating his father and clinging to the image of his father, you shattering that image could paint you as the ultimate enemy.
Also, mine told my children (at least according to what one of them told me) that I would be trying to turn them against him. So if I told them any of the horrible things he did to me, they would have that thought in their head - "oh, yeah, dad told me she would say/do that."

Posts: 1237 | Registered: Aug 2010
littlefoggy
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Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The relocating of stuff ( and denying it!) is a form of gaslighting. All your hard work and he negates it! Sounds about right for the NPD. You do the work and it's never enough, they want control.

I never even thought of that. I just gave up and stopped moving things to places I liked.

My house wasn't mine. Everything was his, you know. Even my stuff.

It took forever before I was able to move some things. I picked it up and moved it and was like "Whoa. This is going to stay here"


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2013
Compartmented
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Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Little Foggy,
Something STBX used to do. I would put things in places I liked and he would move them to the places he liked. No matter what. I would move something and, like magic, it would move back. Wordlessly. And usually stuff he never used, in rooms he rarely utilized. And my stuff. Like MY stuff.
I remember some old threads about this. Many of us had our things moved for no logical reason!! It used to piss me off so bad! (I guess that was his reason, but it made no sense to me at the time.)

Posts: 1237 | Registered: Aug 2010
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew he would do this with the children, so I wouldn’t play the game. I kept calm and quiet. I answered their questions but I didn’t rant and rave. I didn’t let them know about X’s latest attacks. I don’t take the bait. He’s still trying. Even last week, I watched my child drop another “bombshell”, looking up at me and then down and the back at me again…waiting for “mom to go ape”. I didn’t even flinch. I know this game! Too much pillow talk, FT! It totally was a dud, and my child then backed out of that planned event.

My X controls with money. He buys the nice toys for the children. He takes the toys away if he is not happy. He torments with threats of leaving them unable to do the things they need to do. The bribes and threats did have the desired effect, to turn the children away from me, but only for a short time. I was fore-warned and was able to get through it.

X never showed the children much emotion, because….ba-da-ding! He doesn’t have any!! But he learned in therapy that crying gets you sympathy, so he tried that new skill out with the kids. They want so much for him to be real and love them that they were affected by the sudden appearance of emotion. I have no idea what the entirety of lies told about me is, but I have heard some of them. A year and a half out, and the children know they are lies. I stayed calm and my actions showed them who I am. He hung himself. He played his old games which he had told me about, and I changed in therapy. He never really got to know the stronger me, as I filed for divorce and went hard NC on him pretty fast.

^^^^^^^^these are perfect examples of why THE ONLY CONTROL WE HAVE IS DAMAGE CONTROL!

Each one of us knows our particular flavor of narc very well. We know in our hearts just how far they are willing to go. I used to say to myself "he wouldn't go so low and do______". He ALWAYS did. The question was my guts way of saying look out! It was also my mind saying what father does this to his kids?

When I stopped reacting in front of the kids ( I reacted elsewhere ) I was able to help my kids navigate this crap storm and ask " it's interesting Charlie decided to do things that way. How would you do it? How do you think Jenny's dad would do it? ".

It shows actions of other people and them are normal and the narcs actions as manipulation. My kids were 12 and under when he left, I think that makes a huge difference in why I did what I did. They were at that age of comparing themselves to others was happening. I utilized that to highlight how his actions manipulate the situation around him.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5012 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Chrysalis123
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Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My youngest daughter just graduated from high school. FT and psychoGF threw a party for her, which was nice of them. As to be expected, he invited all his friends but no one important to DD...so he had a successful dad of the year moment.

I wonder if his friends knew he made DD pay for her own cake?

Just spoke with DD and she said she and her wonderful boyfriend (this kid is a literal God-send, and has a healthy family with a healthy father) went and did an activity with FT.
I said to her it sounded really fun and she agreed.

I then asked what her boyfriend thought of FT, since it was his first time spending any time with him. She said,
"He said he was a man-boy, and it was really odd being around a grown man that acted like a kid.) Very perceptive of a 17 year old young man.

DD17 talked about it, and she said she agreed. She said she told her boyfriend, "Ya, my dad is a lot of fun until he disagrees with what is going to happen. He always has to get his way."

I am realizing things are going to be OK with DD17.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Jan 2010
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am realizing things are going to be OK with DD17.

Such a wonderful update Chrysalis, be proud of your DD! And be proud of yourself, my friend, she would not be where she is without your support and guidance. Congratulations to you both!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5012 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ChoosingHope
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Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay everyone. I've been reading, but stopped because court is tomorrow. Three days of HELL. I just read the revised trial-statement by STBX. OMG, it's off the charts.

I'm buckling my seatbelt and getting my beta blockers and xanax ready.

Please, please, please prayers and good thoughts - all so gratefully accepted.

I'm terrified.


Posts: 1656 | Registered: Oct 2011
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ChoosingHope,

I'm going to dig out my candles and light one for you. And I'll be praying for strength for you, for the truth to be seen by the court, and the judgement be in yours and the children's best interests.

Do I need to ask for anything more?

Hugs, sweetie your name says it all - choose hope. I'll be there in spirit.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5012 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Choosing Hope:

I'll send up prayers, light a candle and wrap you in the white light. Remember to breathe and know that your grace and your Higher Power will get you through this. You've already done so much!!

{{{{{{ C.H. }}}}}}


Posts: 1237 | Registered: Aug 2010
Chrysalis123
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Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Choosing Hope I will be praying too. Please visualize the entire tribe behind you holding you up throughout the day. Know one of us will be thinking about you all day and sending you peace and light.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Jan 2010
caregiver9000
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Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope,

You've got this!! And we've got your back.

Hang in there sweetie!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5762 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((CH)))

Posts: 11591 | Registered: Mar 2008
TXMommy
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Member # 28857
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nevermind, responded it a SUPER old post.

[This message edited by TXMommy at 8:59 PM, May 26th (Monday)]


ME - BS - 33
WH - 30
Married 9 years, together 11
2 kids: D8, S2
D-Day: June 10th, 2010
Trudging through R.

Posts: 593 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: TX
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending court mojo, CH!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7797 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
GreatRoleModel
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Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((CH))) wishing all the best for you in court and remember you have a whole tribe behind you and holding you up when needed.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 310 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chrysalis's thread in D prompted me to do a Google image search for "narcissist". I thought this was pretty funny - and accurate!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7797 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wb2 love the image so needed that tonight as my DD16 was the recipient of a "word salad" (love that term you coined) email tonight from her dad. Think we could get a wholesale price on the t-shirt for holiday gifts for our XNPD's?

[This message edited by GreatRoleModel at 11:04 PM, May 26th, 2014 (Monday)]


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 310 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

getting my beta blockers and xanax ready.

Oh yeah (((CH)))
These were my friends too.
Ever notice that beta-blockers (like propranolol) end with "lol"?
Eh, something to ponder...

Peace and mojo to you!


Posts: 6516 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my, been trying to catch up on posts... The moron used to re arrange the pantry and cupboards all the time. To what he "thought" worked best. He NEVER cooked. He's a leftie. I'm a rightie. What's useful and "handy" for him was awkward for me. Used to drive me crazy.

Thinking of you choosing hope.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 27th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope....holding you in the *******LIGHT****

SK


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3423 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
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