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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 13
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Both of those crack me up.

I wonder how the judge would feel if I presented the Soulsucka to the ex as a D gift on our last court date.



There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For some of the most beautiful people I know:


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's an art, to repair ourselves.
That's so beautiful w2.
kintsukorfukin aye!

That's Japanese for my nose is runnin now.


Posts: 6589 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ I have read that before. I love the idea that it's our heLed would, our flaws which make us more unique and beautiful


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love that woundedby2. Thanks for sharing.

I've been thinking about my marriage, and all the dysfunction contained within...and the NPD thing....

Something stuck out to me that used to bother me but my WH always denied....

TMI WARNING..


Our sex life was pretty dysfunctional in general, but the thing that has my attention tonight is that when we would be talking about reasons why I wasn't in the mood for sex, a lot off times my chronic hath conditions would come up (fibromyalgia, chronic Lyme disease) and WH would always say, "well we need to FIX that!".

But it always felt like the "fixing" needed to be done so that I could be ready/willing/well to provide him with sex. Yes, he cared about whether or not I felt better, but that always seemed secondary.

Idk.

There were other times where he would initiate a certain sexual activity and I'd say, I don't really want you to do that to me today and he'd say, "but I want to.".

Just little stuff like that.

Anyone else?

Sorry for the TMI.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to remove my property from the martial home today. There has now been an official diagnosis of NPD I found at least 5 tubes of caulk!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 10:52 PM, April 14th (Monday)]


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 285 | Registered: Jul 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 6589 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I just read the lyrics to "Warrior" by Demi Lavato.

Have never heard her sing, don't know the tune, but the words.

I want to be that strong, I am going to be that strong.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1345 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nekorb, yes many of us endured very strange sexual hangups and demands. We once had a discussion on here about how several of our NPDs kept track of sexual activity and our cycles on a calendar. Not kidding.

My therapist once said that sex was my NPD's way of showing "love". And I really think that when I would turn him down, he felt that I was rejecting his love and also that I didn't love him.

Mine was very into exhibitionism. He also desperately wanted me to want group sex. So much so, that he took advantage of my being in a very drunken state (read: nearly passed-out). I sort of came-to in the middle of group sex going on around me (with OW and her H!). This night was the real beginning of the end of our marriage.

There has now been an official diagnosis of NPD I found at least 5 tubes of caulk!!!!!!!!

See? We told you it was there in that garage somewhere...

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 4:25 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I have to chime in re: sex and the NPD. There is so much overlap between sex addiction and NPD. I was so distracted by the SA diagnosis that it took me a long time to realize the NPD.

Turns out, the NPD was the cause of the "sex addiction."

And while I thought my child custody eval would focus on his dangerous sexual behaviors (including exhibititionism and group sex, by the way), it really focused on his NPD and how it caused him to not understand that what he does is wrong and dangerous, that it crosses boundaries, that his children could find out, and that he blames ME for it. All of these things stem from his "higher than normal regard for himself and his wants."

And that is what really made him lose the custody eval, not the SA.

Remarkable. These people are very sick.


Posts: 1697 | Registered: Oct 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our sex life was pretty dysfunctional in general, but the thing that has my attention tonight is that when we would be talking about reasons why I wasn't in the mood for sex, a lot off times my chronic hath conditions would come up (fibromyalgia, chronic Lyme disease) and WH would always say, "well we need to FIX that!".

OH, Stretch would say, "You know what will fix that?" As if he had a magic wand... Because the flu, or a migraine, or exhaustion from being up all night with a baby? He could fix THAT!

Caulk diagnosis still makes me laugh.

CH, I hear exactly what you are saying with the NPD causing the SA stuff. It is entitlement expressed sexually. Entitlement is hallmark NPD. (and naturally, my biggest trigger.)

Feeling particularly melancholy and blessed today in turns so ((((hugs)))) to my favorite tribe.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5824 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everyone. i've not posted for a while and see some new names here, hi and sorry you are here!!!

Question here about READING material or listening material, like books on tape, or whatever.

Have listed to Wizard of Oz and other NPD stuff, but lately it just PISSES me off to no end and I really need something that SOOTHES....helps me to focus on "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." that a biblical phrase although I'm NOT religous so faith based stuff only does so much for me. anyway, if anyone has ideas, please share! will also post in books! THANK YOU.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stretch would say, "You know what will fix that?" As if he had a magic wand...

Oh, lawdy, does that bring back memories that I'd stuffed way down.

Mine used to say that the had a "cure-all" (wink, wink).

TheAgony, I would suggest that you go back to reading the types of things that you enjoyed prior to NPD immersion. Or pick something off the best seller list and give it a go. Grab a few off the new book racks at your library.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stretch would say, "You know what will fix that?" As if he had a magic wand

I swear they read the same book at narc school. XH would say the same thing. And he did have a magic wand- (wink, wink). Sex was the cure-all for whatever ailed me!

I'm unpacking in my new place, I found a couple of tubes of caulk. The movers packed the garage, I guess they found some I missed.

Hugs to all.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear they read the same book at narc school. XH would say the same thing. And he did have a magic wand- (wink, wink). Sex was the cure-all for whatever ailed me!

^^^^^THIS!

And also the issue of me turning down sex was rejecting him, not loving him, etc.

It's just so...bizarre.

TONIGHT - we started packing his things. Why am I helping him with this, you say? Because I actually want it to get DONE, so that when he finds a place there is no DELAY.

But let me tell you what, if I have to tell him one more time that is is NOT getting my Nana's grandfather clock I just might have a come apart. Just in my head, not out loud, because I'm staying on the high road and all....

I mean What. the. Flippity. Flop, people?...

Why does he think that's even an option? He keeps saying, "well, they gave it to US". I said yes but he was only part of the US because he was married to me!

This infuriates me to no end and the it stirs my anxiety. I felt like saying, "oh yeah? Why don't you run that past my DAD and see what he thinks about it?.".

OMG.

Just.....NO.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

woundedby2 those tubes of caulk were in the house. I can't imagine how many were actually in the garage!!!!!


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 285 | Registered: Jul 2012
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I'm having so many ah-ha moments here (hate that cliche, btw). I really had no idea the SA stuff was related to NPD. So many more pieces are falling into place.

The ex acted out sexually in a lot of weird ways. It was a compulsion that he said he couldn't control. I didn't find out until a few months before dday.

The last time I talked to him he was going to some group (not SA meetings, but a similar type of group) to work on his SA issues. He said he felt those were the root of our problems and he wanted to fix it.

The more I learn about NPD, the more he makes sense.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 401 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes! the more i learned about NPD, the more he made sense!

This stuff should be TAUGHT; it's much more important than geometry! omg.

I didn't know there were "almost psychopaths" walking around.

thanks woundedby2 for book ideas! I need something i can listen to in car, and i cannot follow fiction while driving. but it's a great idea for before bed and regular reading thanks!!!!! PS almost pyschopaths (sp) is a book title!
http://www.amazon.com/Almost-Psychopath-Someone-Problem-Manipulation/dp/1616491027


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TheAgony, ah, nonfiction! I missed that on your original post.

Highly recommended on SI has been "Journey from Abandonment to Healing". One that I have in a stack to be read is "How to be an adult in relationships"; it was recommended by my therapist. Have you read the "5 Love Languages"? Quick read and beneficial.

Early on I read "Women who Love too Much" and "Men who hate women, and the women who love them". Still dealing with abuse and codependence, but may be useful for those who don't want to repeat bad choices in the future.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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