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User Topic: Telling kids Grandma is dying
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife's mom was terminally ill for about 8 months before she passed away. Our son was four years old at the time. We were gently honest with him. We let him know that we weren't sure how long Grandma was going to be with us, but that we would visit her and try to make her as comfortable as possible in the meantime. I think it helped that he was part of the process. On bad days, I'd take him to the park and let him talk. In my experience, gentle honesty, and letting him have his own voice and his own feelings helped a lot.

You'll figure out what to do, and what is right for your kids.

I will have you all in my thoughts.

(((WH5, BR, Grandma, and Kiddos)))

Posts: 7559 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, February 13th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BR, WH5, kids, Grandma))

We haven't had to have this talk with the kids yet... I know you'll handle it with love and caring, and stick together as a family through this.

From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the feedback everyone. WE all went to visit her last night. She's doing pretty well, and in good spirits all things considered

FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live

Posts: 37412 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My father passed away from colon cancer 16 months ago. He was 81. We knew it was terminal, but the end came a lot quicker than we expected. He had been seeking treatment for some months before we were told he wasn’t responding well enough and that he might have 4-6 months left. Three weeks later he passed away.

He told me that death wasn’t the worst outcome of life, but rather an inevitability. It’s what you have to show for your life and how you leave that counts. He felt content that he was the first to go – he left behind a well taken care of wife (my mother) and five happy and successful children. I guess your mom has similar thoughts.

Regarding the kids… I think Meta more or less nailed it. One thing I do suggest is to use direct and clear words. I once had to tell a 13 year old niece her mother only had a few hours left before her cancer would kill her (Yep – all the shitty jobs in this extended family are delegated to Bigger…). Turns out the deacon and the family counselor at the hospital had talked to her but always used phrases like “the long journey”, “the inevitable darkness”, “the deep sleep” and so on. Never the words “death”. So this 13 year old girl – in her sadness and shock – had masked out the finality of the situation and only had a few hours to make her goodbyes to her mother. She has since repeatedly thanked me for how direct I was.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending prayers.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wife - I know that this was all about how to tell the grand kids, but...

I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry that you are also facing this loss.

(((Wifehad5 and family)))

Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Wifehad5, BrokenRoad, and Kids)))))

Saying prayers and sending good thoughts your way.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5282 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, February 14th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((WH5 BR and Kids))))

Iknow you have seen my pm, but wanted to tell you that you can be honest with the kids, and if you gloss over it, like the stupid Deacon, and Counselor at Bigger's hospital did the kids will be pissed that you didn't lay it out for them.

Bigger - Your a good man. Your experience was one of the things that used to make me nuts about the Pastoral care people when I worked ICU. I'm sorry but the "Long Journey" doesn't cut it when someone is actively dying. Someone has to have the balls to tell the truth, and all too often if falls to the nurse at the bedside.

((((and strength WH5, BR, and Family))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8718 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 28
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