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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss - Part 2
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, February 15th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently I caused them to cry and told them that their new sibling will be horrible like its father.

I just thought that would be an odd statement to accuse someone of doing, considering she thinks her Gru is a KISA.

Hang in there, AAS. I'm another big supporter of yours and have been staying glued to your story. You are an inspiration to us soon to be single dads. I doubt Gru would have the strength, courage, and perseverance to do what you have been able to do were the situation reversed. You're way more a man than he is, and I think your CSTBXWW knows this. She's pissed cause your manliness is warping her fantasy bubble.

Stay on course!


Me- BS (44)
WW (41)
DS - 9, 12
M - 16yrs

Divorced - 5/23/14


Posts: 399 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea,

Oh, how I wish for you that you didn't have to wait until May! Thank God the judge had some sense. The next judge will read what she wrote, and what your CSTBXWW has done since the last hearing. Hopefully that judge will also have sense, and your b*tch XW will finally have a wake-up call!

Your nerves have been of steel! You have been just amazing! Keep your head, post here to those who know the ropes, and to vent. We are all hoping that justice and decency prevail in your case.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS,

I've been following your story and need to chime in. Why would her lawyer not force her to comply with the additional time with the kids given the judge's remarks? And if it didn't work why did he not fire her as a client? I'm confused. Do you think she was clueless due to legal lingo of what she was hearing and her lawyer didn't explain?

If that's not the case, and she isn't complying, I'm worrying she plans on running with the kids. Do you think she's capable?


Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriouslylostit,

Thank for your concern. Everyone I speak to is confused as to why she is ignoring the strong words of the judge. Her legal rep was in the court room too and he will have understood the severity of the bitch slapping she received.

She continues to act in a bubble. Deluded. EVERYONE is wrong except for her and Gru. That's the only theory I can come up with. Any other ideas, anyone?

I don't worry at all that she will run off with them. She might be mad but she isn't that mad. People can't just run off and hide in this country. It's too small. They both have well paid jobs and close family ties. She's 6 months pregnant. And let's not forget that she is completely in the right, if only we were to all see it.(sarcasm)

[This message edited by allatsea at 1:54 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She continues to act in a bubble. Deluded. EVERYONE is wrong except for her and Gru. That's the only theory I can come up with. Any other ideas, anyone?

IMO, you've nailed it: delusion. She is so firmly encased in her bubble of self-righteousness and entitlement (both of which are fueled by anger toward you, and urged on by POS) that objective reality or anyone else's opinion simply will not penetrate it. These people are carrying around a textbook of abnormal psychology 101, unconsciously employing every defense mechanism that exists. To try and understand is futile. I believe that if we were able to exist in the WW's mind for one day we would be stunned at how the world is experienced through their prism of mental gymnastics.

Try not to spend too much time trying to "get her." (I know, easier said than done.)

Edited: By "get her" I mean understand/penetrate her :-)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:35 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
wonderpets
♂ Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think he (or you, AD) need to worry about"getting them", because they will do a perfectly nice implosion on their own.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She continues to act in a bubble. Deluded. EVERYONE is wrong except for her and Gru. That's the only theory I can come up with. Any other ideas, anyone?
Nope. None. As Abbondad said, I think you nailed it. Come May I think she's going to be in for a rude awakening.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No she won't! This should have been the awakening but it didn't work ... If she doesn't understand the authority of the judge then she will just keep failing to comply until the kids reach the age of majority...no matter what the court says or how many times she ends up there.

Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She does at least seem to abide by court rulings....for now. In fact she's choosing to live by them whilst the interim order keeps my contact to a minimum.

Ironically, the boys report that they are being shipped all over the place during the holidays so that CSTBXWW can work.

And there I am, offering to take them as much as possible but she refuses.

I had the boys last night as per the current order and normally I would take them to school. She sent a letter yesterday stating that I must return them to her by 8am and that I couldn't have them all day or even the morning.

I've asked the court for an earlier hearing


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
cantbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopefully, with each of these antics she is digging her grave a little deeper. Please document all the days the boys are peddled off so she can work. If she would just realize that her life would be so much easier by sharing the kids. This woman just needs to be Bitch slapped. Hopefully, the judge will do just that!

Hoping that in due time, you will be rewarded for all this pain and agony she is putting you through.


Me: BS (57)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(20)
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1053 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. She really loves to flex her muscles and exert her control doesn't she. I do think there is also an element of her trying to goad you into reacting in it too aas. Hopefully it won't last too much longer, and your documentation of it will also serve to show her complete lack of co-operation to the next judge. I hope you get an earlier hearing.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, February 20th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aas-

She doesn't need to be just bitch slapped.

She needs to be bitch stomped by a whole lot of us SIer's wearing our bitch boots!!

You are still on course, keep it up.

Sending strength to you (((aas and boys)))


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1263 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 4:13 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What baffles me the most is that she must now realise that the outcome is pretty much determined. Her legal counsel should have made that abundantly clear.

Why procrastinate and delay the inevitable?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Throughout the last year my father has been an immense support. More so than I ever imagined possible by a man who is a former WS.

The day after D-day I phoned him and asked if I could stay with him a while. He immediately asked "have you been a naughty boy?" to which my response was no, she has been the naughty one. He was stunned. He loved my wife like a daughter. They got on great and they were very fond of each other.

Since that day my dad, who has never been one to show emotion, has cried many times for the death of what he thought to be a perfect family and marriage.

My dad has now experienced the other side of the coin:
He's seen the damage she has caused and has therefore realised the damage he caused when I was a child. He feels immense guilt about his behaviour in the past. He can't change what he's done but he takes all of the responsibility. Fortunately he actually acted reasonably decently when he left my mum. He gave her everything in the split and never blamed her for his behaviour. He took it on the chin like a man but I can see that his entitled behaviour came from having a mum who worshipped him and told him he could do no wrong.

He struggles with how my CSTBXWW is behaving.

My mother is 27 years out from being betrayed by my father and I know she still has a connection to him and wishes that her life had been different. She's remarried and seemingly happy but I know she still loves my dad despite what he did. Scars are deep. My dad knows he was a self entitled prick and he isn't proud. His eyes have been opened to the devastation he caused by seeing what I've gone through. All of the family was hurt by this behaviour and he sees it first hand.

I have a new found respect for my mum. When I was a child I didn't comprehend why she was so hurt and tearful. I didn't understand the effects of betrayal and probably couldn't until it happened to me. It took her years to recover.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why procrastinate and delay the inevitable?
Well she either is that deluded, or she's just so full of bile that she'll do what she can to goad/get to you until the bitter end. I don't know that she'll ever be 'easy' aas - this selfish entitlement seems ingrained, I just see everything always being your fault now - even if her relationship with Gru fails it'd probably be your fault somehow. She is one bitter bunny and I think her pride will always mean that whatever bad ever happens to her will always be someone elses' fault.

...and I feel for you about your Mum and Dad. My Dad cheated too and I can say from experience that I agree with you that the effects of infidelity run bone deep. I'm glad that you seem to have a good relationship with both parents. I also very much understand the complexity of feelings that the whole of your nuclear family must be feeling since your own suffering from infidelity this past year. Did you Dad stay with his AP?


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
strangeasfiction
♂ Member
Member # 42160
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 24th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea -

I just finished reading your entire story. All 50 pages of the other thread plus this newer thread. I have so much sympathy for you and your children. No two nightmares are exactly alike but you know I'm going through hell right now. This means I totally understand that your CSTBXWW has made your life a living hell, too. My heart breaks for you and I'm crying in my office while I'm writing this.

Dude - you're my fucking hero. I mean that. I don't know how you kept it together for more than a year and managed to handle yourself with such patience and class. Your devotion to your children is inspirational. You kept your eye on the prize and didn't fall for the numerous traps and pitfalls that would have been emotionally gratifying in the short term but legally damaging in the long term. Your sons are truly blessed to have you as a father. They'll always be blessed. You've done everything you can to insulate them from all the ugliness going on around them and provide them with sanctuary and love.

It must be indescribably difficult to see another man try to fill your shoes in that role. Trust me - he never will. It's impossible. The OM is nothing more than a hollow shell compared to you. It helps that your kids are a bit older. They have memories of both households, of the before and after. They've already figured it out.

Keep it up and hang in there. You've come so far but the journey never ends.


Me - BS 39
Her - WW 34
Kids - 3 & 1
Married - 9 years
Status - FUBAR

Posts: 211 | Registered: Jan 2014
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, February 25th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Strange,

I just hope that you can see the similarities in the behaviour of my CSTBXWW and yours?

You should also be able to see how I was desperate for my CSTBXWW to wake up and nap out of the bubble she was in. She blameshifted to avoid any guilt and it worked on me at first. I believed her. When she realised that I wasn't going toaccept that anymore she turned nasty and her true colours shone through.

She got/ gets very angry that I make her face the consequences of her actions. Her life is not great. She will tell everyone it is but it's not. She knows by now that she made a crap choice and I'm making her pay for it.

She probably hates me for finding out about the affair and wishes that I had towed her line.

Stupid cow



Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 27th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey AAS,
Now that you have left JFO, I can post on your threads again.

Just wondering......WAY back when I was still with my WXH, he had major drinking issues & had gotten DUI's, etc. His attorney was so tired of dealing with his crap, repeatedly having to go back to court due to him not following through on classes he was supposed to take, his not listening to the judges or making any changes, that he just carried on for awhile making the money. The attorney was vocal about what went down in court & with giving his opinion on what should be done, but my XWH, just blew it all off & did what he wanted. Finally, his attorney got so sick of it all, he "fired" my XWH & refused to represent him any longer.

I am thinking this may be the same case with your CSTBXWW???? Her attorney is probably already so used to her delusions, that he feels he will still give guidance (even though he knows it won't be taken or even listened to) & sit back & collect her money, knowing she is hanging herself by her stupidity.

JMO & I am known to be wrong. But it reminded me of the same sitch with my XWH.

So happy for you & the outcome. I figured the judge would give her a set-down & cannot wait to hear the final outcome & what is said to her about her still not complying even this soon after court. Just totally crazy on your CSTBXWW's side.

Hang in there!!! You have a whole group cheering you on!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
2 sons together-28 & 23
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
WW with H#2 =BH-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 199 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been shown an image of CSTBXWW's unborn child. Gru must be very excited.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, February 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

....Just sent this to her solicitor

"On the night of the 26th February I was informed, after the fact, by a concerned school parent, that I had not attended a parents meeting at the junior school earlier in the evening. The meeting was for all parents whose child was partaking in an imminent week long residential school trip to Wales to enjoy many physical and team building activities.

Not only was I not made aware of the meeting by the mother, she had chosen not to inform me that the trip was taking place at all. Whilst I positively encourage and endorse this visit and would never prevent him taking part, I should have been involved in the decision.

It is also my responsibility to pay toward the visit as I understand trips such as these are not included in the monthly child support allowance and due to this fact I am fully prepared to reimburse your client for half of the cost.

The educational visit commences on the 17th March and will result in me not having contact with DS on Wednesday 19th March, for which I was not made aware.

Your client continues to demonstrate that she is deliberately excluding me from my children’s lives wherever possible by acting unilaterally and by substituting her affair partner as role of the father. Furthermore, I have obtained copies of the consent form from the school whereby your client has listed her affair partner as next of kin for the allocation of medication in the event that she is not contactable.

I am very disturbed that your client shows yet another example of acting unilaterally and assuming the position of ‘owner’ and ‘gate keeper’ of the children and continues to isolate the father from the lives of their children in preference of her partner.

I consider that I have every right to continue to be a major part of my children’s lives. Your client is fully aware that it is also my wish and also my children’s wish for that to happen"


My solicitor can't believe she is being so foolhardy.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 287
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