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User Topic: 180 is solo hard.
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so tempted to call or text. I have not spoken to him since Wednesday. He sent me one text saying he missed me, blah blah blah, but he won't do any of the work. Just wants me to put it behind and move on. This is my last resort, after this I will file for either LS or D. I know I shouldn't cave in if it stands a chance at getting his head out of his a$$, but this is very hard.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was only married half the time you were and I had a hard time staying away I would sleep with my phone if he's willing to put effort in he will come around just don't cave in too fast...you are worth it...some men don't know the value of solid gold...you want someone that does...hang in there


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jstbreathe)))

Don't call, don't text. Stay detached for your own health... and post here instead :)


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! His plane takes off in 20 minutes. He is leaving for 6 days out of the country. Once he's gone it's not so tempting, but I will wonder the whole time what he is doing. Will he be looking for a new "friend" to distract him?


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take deep breaths, only 20 minutes to go then and you don't have to think about sending him anything. Do you really want him to spend his flight smiling that you're missing him and thinking of him?

You can do it! If he's going to look for a new friend to distract him he'll do that whether you send him a msge or not


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will wonder the whole time what he is doing.

Let him wonder what you're doing for a change by not being in touch.... at the same time as detaching for your own sake...

It's hard, I know, I'm in the same situation!


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toodevoted, sadly you are so right!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your right of course. I'm always here just waiting for him to call! I' m really busy with the kids activities, but I answer every text, email, and phone call. I know I just need to stop! So hard when this has been your way of life for 20 years!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read a few of your posts, your DD isn't long ago, you're doing well!

Mine was 4 years ago, 4 years of rugsweeping (which I allowed to avoid any argument DUH what an idiot!!)

Don't make the mistake I made, you deserve the truth or he doesn't deserve you. It won't go away, you'll have a miserable life whilst he just happily gets on with his if you stay together... unless you get the full truth

[This message edited by Toodevoted at 9:06 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well 10:00 has come and gone. I made it and didn't contact him, but I still feel so sad. I guess I had hoped he would at least send me a text to say goodbye before he left. I know, his actions are telling me how he really feels. I'm worth no effort, nada, zilch, 0!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard for sure, the one thing that gave me the kick I needed to try and change things was something I've read so many times on here... you've got to be prepared to lose your marriage to save it..

And that's so true.


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well 10:00 has come and gone. I made it and didn't contact him, but I still feel so sad. I guess I had hoped he would at least send me a text to say goodbye before he left. I know, his actions are telling me how he really feels. I'm worth no effort, nada, zilch, 0!

Look at it a different way!

He probably expected you to send something (because you probably always do) so now he's sat there thinking "what is up with jstbreathe, how come all of a sudden I'm worth no effort, nada, zilch, 0!"

Well done for not sending anything anyay

[This message edited by Toodevoted at 9:10 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much Toodevoted, you are so very wise. You even made me smile!
I know fear has been driving me so much this past year, you're right I need to let go. Amazingly you've reminded me of what I have always told my sons, "If you've done all that you can do, then you give it to God." I guess I need to follow my own advise.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great advice Somehow the most difficult thing in the world seems to be to follow our own advice though! A friend said to me..

If you always do what you always did... you'll always get what you always got.

I kinda liked that, of course I'll get the same if I behave the same!

By not sending a text when his plane took off... you've not done what you always do... so now you'll get something different, even if that's only a small feeling of empowerment!


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like that! Let's hope what I get is at least positive. If not for me , but for my boys.
I have been doing just what you have done as far as not rocking the boat. It only works for a while and then I explode. You just can't live that way, no matter how hard you try.


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2013
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give him more time that's alot of years...they don't know just how lucky they are until they are left attentionless and lonely...it will drive him crazy...when I finally said screw it I'm not sitting by the phone anymore that is when he started coming around. Sometimes I would turn off my phone and to stop the temptation of looking. Focus on yourself because you may have to do that if he doesn't come around.Go out and do something you want to do. It was so hard and still is for me to do that because my whole world revolved around him...I didn't nearly give myself half the attention I gave him. I have codependency issues. One of the first things I did and never did before was go to the salon and get a sexy cut and dye...then I bought myself a new dress and heels...I started to see my old sexy self again and realized how much of myself I had lost giving and giving to my home, mom, wife life...it felt good and I figured if he ever saw me again he would be sorry because I'm looking hot...screw him for a change go out and do something for yourself...you deserve it break the cycle just once and put yourself first! Find the you that he fell in love with so if he comes back say...maybe baby!


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Topic Posts: 16

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