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User Topic: Unicorns and Rainbows
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep seeing all these mentions about the
"lost spark"
"not in love feeling"
"boring sexlife"

From the WS POV.

But, who said it would always be like that? Feelings are fleeting, and the heart can be quite indecisive. At some point, you make an intentional decision to:
"reignite the spark"
"stay in love"
"differentiate your sex life"

My WS hit me wiht the boring sexlife part...and I have to laugh at him.....You arent swinging from the ceiling fan for me either brotha...He tried to say I rejected him, and I told him that was a flat out lie. He already had it in his mind that I didnt do those things, and held it against me without even askin me was I down.

My thing is...when the sparks die down and the sex gets boring with the AP, are they gonna run on to another? The only common denominator in all that is them...

[This message edited by NikkiD at 1:31 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
LiedtoLucy
♀ Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH started out saying the same garbage. His words, " I thought that you didn't want sex to be a part of our relationship any more."

Well wtf? I was 6 months pregnant when he started f$&@ing OW. so we definitely had some sex mixed in there somewhere. The idiot.
I will have to admit being huge, swollen, hormonal, and responsible for most of the household duties, the 4 year old with Aspergers who was about to get kicked out of Pre-K due to behavior, AND bills..( yes I was supporting his wayward ass since he was in school full time) didnt make make me eager to jump his bones when he walked in the door every evening.

Nikki-D. it is all just an excuse so they don't have to feel like the assholes they truly are.

btw--> love your tag line. LOL.


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 176 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was the lost the spark bullshit. I just wasn't fun and carefree like the AP.

Well duh...I was stranded 2hrs away from friends and family. Left my career, volunteer work, home and etc...to follow him here to support his job and be a stay-at-home mother with at the time a 7mo old son and 2yr old girl. Hard to be carefree when I am exhausted all the time and he is busy giving his free time to an easy co-worker. But, Hell...I can be fun and carefree if I walked all over people and acted like her. Apparently that is what he wanted. Gee...maybe I should become a mad hatter? I will show you a spark. I will become fun and carefree while I leave you at home with our children so I can flirt with other men...just like her.

BTW, I was happy and comfortable. I was with him for 13 yrs, I didn't need the spark. That is for romantic new love. I transitioned to a new phase. Family. He was still wanting the honeymoon.

Oh, and since he started the A and the attention drug sank in...he gave me a few days of not sure I am in love with you. That really changed when I said I really don't want you anymore. You are disgusting.

Things change after 7 months. That was all fog bullshit.

16months and still kicking it together. Now it is all about if this is what I want as a H? Someone that could be that selfish and weak.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RIGHT!! They swear they were King Ding-a-lings or something.

Uh, sorry sir, you weren't hitting it out the park either. I just DECIDED not to cheat on you because of it....


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone's situation is different but I personally think using complaints about sex are nothing but an excuse.

We were having sex almost every night, right up until dday. It wasn't infrequent, it wasn't boring or "vanilla". If anything we were being kinkier than ever, though in hindsight I think maybe OW was teaching him some new moves. Or maybe he was just turned on by the fact that he was sleeping with both of us, sometimes even on the same day.

If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. JMO but I think they offer up whatever "excuse" they think they can get away with. If your sex life was on the downturn, that makes a convenient excuse, because its hard for you to argue with. But that's all it is, an excuse. For me, his excuse had to do with issues with his kids, because that was a part of our reality and therefore he thought it would fly as a "reason" to be unfaithful.

There is only one "reason" someone is unfaithful: they are broken. Period. And yes, he took that brokenness with him into his new relationship with OW. It will eventually rear its ugly head. Just like you weren't the problem, OW wasn't the solution.

((NikkiD))


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He already had it in his mind that I didnt do those things, and held it against me without even askin me was I down.

Absofuckinglutely.

Uh, sorry sir, you weren't hitting it out the park either. I just DECIDED not to cheat on you because of it....

True. Story.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bleehhhh. Reading all the similarities in excuses is disgusting.
They are pathetic POS liars is all. The worst part is they are lying to themselves, cuz we aren't stupid enough to buy it.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, the famous "spark".

"Romance"

WH is addicted to it. Well, I couldn't provide a bottomless supply of it. So...he went and found it elsewhere.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RIGHT!! They swear they were King Ding-a-lings or something.

Uh, sorry sir, you weren't hitting it out the park either. I just DECIDED not to cheat on you because of it....

Thank you!!!!!! ^^^^^^^^


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5125 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I swear there really is a Cheater's Handbook of Flimsy Excuses and Implausible Lies! Pathetic sad little people ....


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ironic that all the crap my XH used to justify his poor behaviour was exactly what he was doing.

I remember saying to my BFF that he had two modes of how he was treating me: his mommy or like a piece of furniture.

Apparently my sheer inability to give him 200% made him have to cheat on me.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
ImEnoughForMe
♀ Member
Member # 41869
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too got the, "Your not fun anymore." Kind of hard to compete with being fun and irresponsible when you are the responsible one. Someone has to be their for the kids.

I believe when these cheaters don't work on themselves and they carry it into the "secret realtionship" their problems will eventually surface.

And yes, the cheater will resurface.



Do the best you can do until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. - Maya Angelou

Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 12

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