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User Topic: Anyone feel really lonely?
Solas
♀ New Member
Member # 40397
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lurk on the boards all the time, don't sign in and never comment, and only posted once. I don't know where I would be without you all!
It is almost one year--we are trying to reconcile, in MC and IC, and I believe we are on an upwards path.
Truth is though, that I feel so lonely sometimes. Utterly and completely alone and I question if I can deal with the pain any longer. My husband has been really supportive, remorseful, and I do believe he has ended the A and that he really wants to be together. He gives me space when I ask, and holds me close when he knows I need it, answers all my questions over and over...etc. but of course, as he's never been betrayed he doesn't get it like a BS would. My family/friends are supportive, but they just don't get it either. I feel if I confide in them I will be judged--why am I staying with him...etc... I feel that sometimes when I need a shoulder there is no one. Anyone else feel this way? What do you do to cope and to bring you back? Just looking for a pep talk I guess....

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you and know what you mean. All my family say, let it go! They do not understand it. If I talk to friends they say,"you wanted him back, no matter what" so forget it. You're right . I can be in a room full of people and feel so all alone. No one understands the magnitude of the devastation. There are things I just can't tell my family and friends. When things get really bad, I come to SI. You people are the only ones who Get It!!! Everything I read encourages us and tells us things will get better. And they are better than a year ago. But, sometimes it's just another kind of pain. I wish I could spurt some incredible words of wisdom to help but all I can tell you is, I understand.

Posts: 924 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt that way when I was attempting to R. It amplified my feelings of loneliness when I was with him.

It finally hit me that I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend one more day with him.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7435 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealing with infidelity and it's aftermath is among the loneliest things in this world.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealing with infidelity and it's aftermath is among the loneliest things in this world.

So true. So very true.

For the longest time I felt people would look at me thinking that I must have done something to deserve this. Sometimes I still feel this, as a few people that were friendly the first year have backed off alot, even when there's no way they could not see I'm by myself so much (neighbors). When I needed their respect the second year, I felt they abandoned me.

I have learned a newfound respect for myself that I've become fiercely protective of. Detached from others lack of understanding or empathy.


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2011
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel lonely constantly, I keep everything to myself. I can be in a house with 10 other people and be the loneliest person around. It's sad, but my 5 year old son comforts me more then anyone else, especially my wh, he just knows when mommy needs extra cuddles.

When I'm feeling all alone, I come here post, read other posts and quickly find out I'm not alone, this site keeps me more company then most the people I have in RL


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...this board is a life saver. I feel lonely too at times...I feel as though the my best friend who I thought would be there for me no matter what (wh)has betrayed me and so how do you feel 100 percent comfortable running to the arms of the man who betrayed and almost killed you for comfort. Sometimes I feel more comforted by my dog because I know his love is unconditional so it comforts me...my children too not to put them last. I know they have unconditional love for me andvmy best interest at heart always. Maybe you can reach out to a fam member who has successfully gone through the same thing? I have and it is so nice to have someone to talk to. Everyone here has helped out beyond words too. You are NOT alone...trust me


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do feel lonely at times. It kind.of reminds me of being a kid and spending the night at friend's house and wanting to go home. Homesick and a lump in my throat...just wanting it to be the way it was.
Sounds like your wa is doing the work, that's a plus..so now its just healing and unfortunately takes time. I hope the loneliness subsides for you. Could you be depressed? I am on AD now and they helped to keep me from sinking so low.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4740 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Flourgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep one of my first posts was about the isolation I felt. You can't understand the pain and strange emotions infedility brings out. Our neighbors were our best friends we did everything together. For 10 years we have been there for each other. They are my youngest sons god parents were in the delivery room with me when I had him. They had a party for NYE and didn't invite us. I stayed in my room and cried the whole night hearing the party. They can't understand why I'm staying and can't stand to see me in pain. It took months for our husbands to even say hello. He was WHs best friend in the world but he can't get over how broken he was and he didn't know. My family is disgusted by me staying. This forum is the only support I have left.


BS me 38
WH him 39
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 175 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I feel that way too. H is there when I need to talk, my mom has been great (a former BS herself ), and I have a few friends who have been supportive too. But I think the loneliness I feel is even deeper than just having someone who understands how it feels. Forgive me if this seems overly dramatic but: It's the realization that when it comes down to it, we really are all we have,. Our spouses have proven that they are capable of inflicting terrible pain on us and had only their own interests at heart, not ours. The A opened my eyes to this. I'm the only one who will ever truly look out for me. I'm the only one whose intentions I can ever truly know.

When I'm feeling strong that's a clarion call for self-love and becoming empowered. When I'm down, it's a short path to despair.

Not sure this is making anyone feel any better, aside from the fact that I do understand those lonely feelings.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 396 | Registered: Jan 2014
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are on an island and no one can understand what it is to be here unless they too have crossed the sea and have stood on these shores.

Funny thing is though. That I felt alone for years and years before Dday. WW disconnected from me when her EA/PA started. I felt alone then and did not understand why.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Sep 2007
obliquestrat
♂ Member
Member # 42165
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, often. Only laser-focused stuff like this site and infidelity books make me feel like anyone gets it. And, as a guy, I feel that there are extra layers of stigma in addition to the standard package. With or without that bit, it's all very isolating. I feel like I'm on my own island, and that I only have people over to visit the parts of it that they can actually see, or that make sense to even try to show them.


ME: BS 36 - HER: WS 33
TOGETHER: 2001 - MARRIED: 2008 - KIDS: 2 (3 and 1)
D-DAY: 1/6/2014 (accidentally discovered 3M EA which had developed into sexting, makeouts, tickets for biz trip to Disneyworld)
R, IC, MC, NC (coworker)

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm the only one who will ever truly look out for me. I'm the only one whose intentions I can ever truly know. When I'm feeling strong that's a clarion call for self-love and becoming empowered. When I'm down, it's a short path to despair.

I totally relate to this. Sometimes I feel so strong and able to take on anything as I head into my future...and sometimes I just feel so defeated to know that I will never really be 100% safe from receiving this type of pain again. I can apply what I've learned on SI and on my own, sure...but other people are scary to me now in a way they never were before.

Ugh sorry to bring it down again.

Solas, make sure you are still doing nice things for yourself. A little pampering won't cure the loneliness but might give you a little comfort.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3785 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've felt the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. My ww wife is so remorseful and want to R so bad. Even with that I feel like the loneliest man on the planet. Glad I'm not on this island alone. No one can understand it unless you've been through it and lived to tell the tale.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 553 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
flayed
♀ Member
Member # 41875
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like the others that have replied, I feel so alone. I haven't told friends or family; they would judge me and WH and criticize my decision to stay. That would be worse. I don't always feel like I can talk to WH because he sometimes gets defensive, sometimes doesn't get it and sometimes it makes him retreat into his own pain. I can talk to our MC/IC, but that is once a week and I feel like I am in a pressure-cooker in between sessions. I feel alone on an island of despair and uncertainty


BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jan 2014
Solas
♀ New Member
Member # 40397
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone! I don't know what I would do without you all. Thankful to at least be able to come here on my journey...xo

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 16

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