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User Topic: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have compassion for just about every addict of anything. We have/had substance abusers and gambling addicts in our family, know first hand what it is like.

It takes a long time to be able to separate compassion from co-dependency and enabling. Especially when it is someone you love personally. You can have all the compassion in the world for an addict, but that isn't going to stop them from sticking that needle in their arm or hit that pipe again.

I don't feel anyone deserves to die from their addictions. It distresses me that PSH died. He sounds like he was a good person. The families of addicts don't deserve all the pain that the addicts 'cause, either.

It’s not unusual to have these mini-AA meetings — people like us are the only ones to whom tales of insanity don’t sound insane. “Yeah, I used to do that.” I told him I felt lucky because I’m squeamish and can’t handle needles. He told me to stay squeamish. And he said this: “If one of us dies of an overdose, probably 10 people who were about to won’t.” He meant that our deaths would make news and maybe scare someone clean.

So it’s in that spirit that I’d like to say this: Phil Hoffman, this kind, decent, magnificent, thunderous actor, who was never outwardly “right” for any role but who completely dominated the real estate upon which every one of his characters walked, did not die from an overdose of heroin — he died from heroin. We should stop implying that if he’d just taken the proper amount then everything would have been fine.

He didn’t die because he was partying too hard or because he was depressed — he died because he was an addict on a day of the week with a y in it. He’ll have his well-earned legacy — his Willy Loman that belongs on the same shelf with Lee J. Cobb’s and Dustin Hoffman’s, his Jamie Tyrone, his Truman Capote and his Academy Award. Let’s add to that 10 people who were about to die who won’t now.

Read more: Aaron Sorkin: Philip Seymour Hoffman and Drug Addiction | TIME.com http://entertainment.time.com/2014/02/05/aaron-sorkin-philip-seymour-hoffmans-death-saved-10-lives/#ixzz2sewjwyGc

I don't know if I agree that PSH's death will scare anyone clean. I don't know that his death can change anything. To me, it is just a sad reminder that every addict who is in recovery has to have, as Chicho posted,
Vigilance. Vigilance. Vigilance.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:58 AM, February 7th (Friday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a Type 1 diabetic I do not agree that my disease and addiction are comparable. I did nothing to contribute to my diagnosis. My body started attacking itself at the age of 12. I consider myself lucky that my disease is in check - there are many that do the best that they can yet their bodies still cannot maintain normal blood glucose levels.

A better comparison would have been to Type 2 Diabetes, which is HUGELY affected by diet and lifestyle choices. Or lung cancer, which is almost always related to smoking. (Yes, I am aware that there are Type DM cases that are not so much lifestyle related, and lung cancers not related to smoking)

There are any number of medical conditions and diseases which are either a direct result of choices made or are attributable to risk factors which are within one's control. Heart disease, COPD, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, certain cancers can all be attributed to lifestyle choices at times.

Should we blame all of those people? Refuse to feel empathy or sympathy or even pity because they made their choices?

I think it's wonderful that there are people who have never tried any sort of "addictive" substance. I pray that both of my boys will make this decision because they are SLAMMED genetically with addicts on both sides of the family. It's wonderful that there are people who have made consistently healthy choices. I think it sucks that there are people who make healthy choices may still end up with chronic illnesses, such as type 1 DM, congenital heart disease, etc.

But it doesn't make them better people. And it doesn't make the people who weren't fortunate (or "strong" or "smart") enough to avoid the pitfalls bad people. Or weak.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2656 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the biggest misconseption is that the drugs cause the addiction. The drugs are the result of the addiction.

I remember spinning in my back yard as a little kid for hours until I fell down and get up and do it again.

I remember as a preteen having a friend squeeze the sides of my neck as I took deep breaths until I passed out. Then I came to and did it again. Addiction was present in my life way before I ever even knew what drugs were.

Addiction is not a choice. It is a disease. It is treatable just like any other disease through therapy.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the biggest misconseption is that the drugs cause the addiction. The drugs are the result of the addiction

I dont think I ever thought of it this way.

hmmmm, some food for thought. Thanks Chicho.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3772 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the biggest misconseption is that the drugs cause the addiction. The drugs are the result of the addiction.
BINGO. The disease of addiction manifests itself in different ways. Addiction is soooo misunderstood. I wish people had more compassion and at least tried to understand instead of being judgmental.

"We all have destructive habits. If we're lucky, it's watching too much TV when it's inhibiting our productivity, or looking at porn when we think it's a sin, or lying, cheating, overeating. If we're lucky, our addictions won't kill us. The majority of us can go through a partying phase and then grow up, settle down, and put down the sauce. But for an unfortunate group, the need to keep going becomes as pervasive as the need to eat or sleep. And we call them selfish, as if they would prefer to be a slave to the thing that's ruining everything good in their lives."

From: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/corrigan-vaughan/philip-seymour-hoffman_b_4721590.html

RIP, PSH.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he was clean for 23 year then, yes he may have still "had the disease" but he did not have the extreme cravings of an active addict.

Not true. Just like any psychological triggers, cravings can be felt dramatically and unexpectedly at any time, for the rest of your life.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2152 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not true. Just like any psychological triggers, cravings can be felt dramatically and unexpectedly at any time, for the rest of your life.
Thank you, Want2Help.


FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5767 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
JustAShadow
♀ Member
Member # 38370
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a sad situation.

I certainly will be revisiting his films...and looking to watch those few that I had missed somehow. This week I've focused on "Along Came Polly" - not because it was anything resembling a great film but, per usual, PSH was great in it and, important for this week, it makes me laugh out loud.

"White Chocolate!" "Rain Dance!"

^^^From one of the basketball scenes in Along Came Polly.


It may be awhile before I can revisit Love Liza. That was a heart-wrenching performance.

Was there even a film, over all of the years, that he didn't put in a first-rate performance? If it exists, it seems hard to find.

RIP PSH.


[This message edited by JustAShadow at 4:32 PM, February 7th (Friday)]


ME: 41 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 1997, 2003
Him: 35 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 2004, 3/2012 - 3/2014
Status: Living Apart

Posts: 194 | Registered: Feb 2013
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate last year and it really helped me understand addition, how your brain if forever altered by it and you will always be vulnerable to cravings. I smoked in high school and I still get thoughts that a cigarette would solve all my problems. Then I push the thought away because I can, I have it mild. An addiction to heroin? or alcohol? You can go back in a flash. It's scarey stuff. That's why it is considered a disease and a health issue, and not a moral issue or anything to do with will power.

PSH was a really unusual actor and I will miss him. The loss is shocking.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5726 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sad about PSH's death. He was an amazing talent. Such a tremendous loss.

While on the surface, addiction may look like a choice, but I think it goes much deeper than that. Nobody deserves that. I am so sad for his family. He appeared to be such a genuine man.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1560 | Registered: Aug 2010
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the biggest misconseption is that the drugs cause the addiction. The drugs are the result of the addiction.

I remember spinning in my back yard as a little kid for hours until I fell down and get up and do it again.

I remember as a preteen having a friend squeeze the sides of my neck as I took deep breaths until I passed out. Then I came to and did it again. Addiction was present in my life way before I ever even knew what drugs were.

Addiction is not a choice. It is a disease. It is treatable just like any other disease through therapy.

This is pure poetry! It is the best analogy I have ever read. My brother struggled with addictions - and no addict chooses or wants to be an addict - Just as no one wants to be dx'd any myriad of diseases. Addiction is probably the most misunderstood of diseases.

I agree the drug/alcohol isn't the cause of addiction or everyone who ever took a drink or smoked a joint would become addicted and that just isn't the case.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, February 8th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm surprised by how sad I feel about his death. I mean really, I don't know him. I can't imagine what his family is going through right now.

Another great one, gone way way way too soon, so tragic, and he must've been in so much pain and felt so alone.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, February 9th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am about 70% done "In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts". It had been recommended to me before and when InnerLight mentioned it again in this thread I decided it was time to read it. I started it yesterday.
Fabulous, eye opening, fascinating and transformative. I recommend it to anyone with a passion or interest in this topic.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43945 | Registered: Sep 2006
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