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User Topic: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know someone who got cancer at a very young age. Her family had a lot of money, and the resources to get her all the medical help she needed. They traveled all over the country to try all these new treatments. She died anyway.

Just because these stars have all the resources, it doesn't mean their addiction is any easier to cure.

I agree that his life is no more important than the kids and adults who are dying from this every day.

I wish there was something, some treatment, that could help people with addiction with more success.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
scaredyKat
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Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seconding what AN said. I know that heroin use is a choice at first. Addiction is not. He was clean for 23 years. 23 YEARS. As the mother of a recovering alcoholic, the sister of a 15 year recovering heroin addict and wife of a SA in recovery this is very frightening. Resources are available, but sure answers aren't.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3651 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The "one more time" scares me to death.

I was at a Super Bowl party when the news came across. A friend of my MIL's said, in a really nasty tone, "He deserved it."

I was shocked, taken aback, and speechless. I guarantee if I had told him my story he wouldn't believe it. I don't "look like an addict." I'm 47, fluffy (refuse to call myself fat) and pretty healthy today. I am happy and contented. I am a nurse. I couldn't possibly be one of those sorry drug addicts that drains society and deserves to die with a needle in my arm.

I cried Sunday night because I thought of all the times THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. My kids could have found me with that needle in my arm. My husband. My mom or dad.

And the fact that the Hollywood stars and musicians have so many resources works against them far more than it works for them, in my opinion. Drugs of all sort are so readily available and becoming more socially acceptable. I am convinced that there is nothing that someone with enough money cannot buy. (except happiness and love) And let's face it, rehab is HARD. Sobriety is HARD. You work your ass off. And you are paying (through the nose, usually) for the "pleasure" of working your ass off to get and stay sober. Drugs are easy, in the short run. Instant gratification.

All it takes is one unguarded moment. One "one more time."


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2779 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Addiction is an equal opportunity exploiter and destroyer.

I'm the addict and alcoholic next door, and I have every resource (minus the fame) that Mr. Hoffman had. He's now just another vivid reminder that an addict's relapse and death after many years clean is a very real possibility. He's not the first, and he won't be the last.

As powerful as his art was, perhaps this last message, inadvertently, is the most profound one he'll ever make. A PSH public service announcement: "Drugs kill".

He knew the risks. And he knew that help was there for the asking. The minute he stopped admitting he was powerless was the same moment his addiction, which was waiting patiently for him for 23 years, snuck back in and wrapped its clever noose around his neck.

I'm under no illusions my addictions aren't also waiting patiently for me. I know I can't beat them for the rest of my life. But I can beat them TODAY.

RIP, PSH.

P.S. My favorite PSH character was as rock critic Lester Bangs in "Almost Famous". Just...brilliant.


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This subject just pisses me off.

The ONLY way to make sure you don't become an addict:

Don't EVER have a drink
Don't EVER smoke a cigarette
Doubt EVER use an illegal drug in fact don't use any prescriptions either
Don't EVER put a quarter in a slot machine
Don't EVER have sex
Dont EVER think about sex
Don't EVER eat anything not 100% healthy
Don't EVER play a video game
Don't EVER spend money on frivolous things.

In fact go but on your Puritan attire and go pray or something.

My exaggerated point is "you without sin cast the first stone" at addicts. There but the grace of God go I.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hfssc)))


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198274 | Registered: May 2002
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, DS.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2779 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure that wasn't easy for you to type out...but very brave of you


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198274 | Registered: May 2002
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Addiction is an ugly nasty horrible thing, but these stars who have every resource at their fingertips, and yet don't overcome it.

Meetings are free and everywhere. Everyone has the resources at their fingertips. 23 years and fell off the wagon. That was a choice to not to use the resources.

Vigilance. Vigilance. Vigilance.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Along came Polly - never laughed so hard in my life. Can't even remember who was in it but him. And he was the best thing about Twister.

I sometimes hated to see him in the wildly commercial films like Catching Fire..

RIP - and he must have fought the addiction battle every day.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5261 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
DixieD
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Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've been watching some of his movies again like Pirate Radio and trying to catch some others we missed the first time around.

I've been looking at some of his interviews differently now too. He always seemed so down to earth, but he had a sensitivity and insecurity about him. And of course it's sad to hear him make reference to his kids and how important they were to him.

I didn't realize how much he worked either. 2 movies a year, sometimes more, plus working in theatre.

I watch his interviews and wonder what happened now after 23 years.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
whensitover
♀ Member
Member # 31207
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nobody "deserves it" and I think the only thing worse than being plagued with addiction is being the kind of no soul, no heart kind of person stupid enough to think ANYBODY "deserves it" Those kinds of people make me sick to my stomach. I had someone respond in this way to me about this, she has two sons. I told her you better hope and pray that your two boys never fall prey to this, she had the nerve to say "her boys would NEVER do anything like this" Of course they won't...right now, they are 4 and 6 yrs old. Idiot.

Posts: 452 | Registered: Feb 2011
purplejacket4
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Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What whenitsover said.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, PJ and whensitover.

I think for the most part, people just have no idea what is going on or has gone in someone else's life. And it's SO easy to feel superior and immune to "that kind of thing". I try really hard not to take comments like that personally but it is hard, especially when I have worked so hard to not be that person any more.

Bottom line... I know I didn't deserve to die like that then and I sure don't now. Nobody does. And I pray for the people who have been so fortunate that no one in their immediate circle of loved ones has suffered from an addiction, that they won't ever have to find out what it's like.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2779 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As pj says,
There but the grace of God go I.
And pretty much everybody else, too, IMO.

I remember the joy of seeing our son born, and I imagine his parents felt about the same. I shed a tear for PSH, his family, his friends, and especially for his parents.

Coincidence: IIRC, PSH was born the day W2B and I told our parents we were engaged. In fact, that day was significant for lots of people.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:52 AM, February 6th (Thursday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10351 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with what Tushnurse said. I'm not saying he or any other person who dies from drug overdose "deserves it." However, it is not a comparable disease to something like cancer. I will never be convinced of that.

I'm watching this doctors show right now and I believe what they are saying. If he was clean for 23 year then, yes he may have still "had the disease" but he did not have the extreme cravings of an active addict. He was managing it all that time and could have chosen to continue to manage it with the tools he had learned to use in life for those 23 years. He made a choice to use again and was not a victim in the sense a person who gets cancer is. Sorry for those who don't agree with me.


Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
metamorphisis
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Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, it is not a comparable disease to something like cancer. I will never be convinced of that.

And why would you or anyone need to compare the two? What does that achieve or provide in terms of prevention or cure? Nothing. Until we take the value judgements out it, and stop placating ourselves with notions that it's all controlled by choice and a stronger or better person wouldn't do that type of thing, we aren't going to get any closer to solving it.
Luckily science and the medical community are targeting addiction with a disease model. It's multifaceted indeed and the social and environmental factors have to figure into recovery. But there is a strong neurobiological component that can't be ignored.
23 years and the man relapsed. Choice? In part. But who knows what very simple thing triggered his brain with an urge to use that he obviously couldn't control. What occurred in his brain at that time? What long established neuropathways were awakened? How can we prevent THAT?



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44953 | Registered: Sep 2006
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A more realistic comparison would be with diabetes. There is no cure for either but a vigilant change of life style can usually keep it in check.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a Type 1 diabetic I do not agree that my disease and addiction are comparable. I did nothing to contribute to my diagnosis. My body started attacking itself at the age of 12. I consider myself lucky that my disease is in check - there are many that do the best that they can yet their bodies still cannot maintain normal blood glucose levels.

I don't consider myself a Puritan or a saint. But no - I have never smoked or used illegal drugs. I have never tried to treat mental/emotional issues or fill a void in my life with alcohol, drugs, sex, material things, food, or gambling.

I do recognize that addiction is a horrible disease and destroys everything it touches. I sympathize with those struggling with the disease and am astounded at the strength it takes to overcome addiction.

But as someone who deals with a chronic disease and had/has no choice, I have a hard time relating to someone who chose such a terrible fate for themselves.


Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO just got diagnosed with borderline Type 2 diabetes. They are giving him 3 months to get his diet under control. And eating and sugar are also addictions that are difficult to curb. More so because they are socially acceptable and even celebrated in the Midwest. You are actually seen as a weirdo if you don't eat lots of red meat (preferably fried) and copious amounts of starch and desserts.

I don't think anyone who has not struggled with addiction can truly understand how difficult it is. Much the same as none of us really understood infidelity until we experienced it first hand. Kind of like "walk a mile in my shoes."

I am stigmatized because I take ADs to treat my depression. People who have never had clinical depression say to just "get over it" and "think happy thoughts" and "you have nothing to be depressed about" - well that's just it. There is NOTHING to be depressed about and you still feel that way and that makes you feel worse.

And depression can many times lead to other addictions because for a brief time you feel better, even though the lows after you come down are so much lower, you still seek that relief.

No - it's not cancer. But we understand it about as much as we understand cancer. And when someone dies, it is just as hard - no matter what the cause.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7739 | Registered: Aug 2005
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