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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I think its working
barelygettingby
♀ New Member
Member # 42246
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Ive been taking your advice and doing the 180 for the past few days. Only responding to texts about the animals, and only sending them about finances.

She texted me today and said she had invited another couple (our best couple friends) over for take out, and she'd "love" me to come over too if I wanted. I told her I had plans tonight (I didn't, but 180 so there ya go).

Later she texted me that she was too scared to go to MC tomorrow. She is worried about my anger and her "lack of support." I responded that I was going, and that I would not yell, but that we need to figure out how to communicate our anger in a safe environment.

She responded that she agreed completely, and that she knew it was important to hear what I had to say, but that she wasn't up to it yet. I said okay, that I would be there, and if she didn't feel up to talking tomorrow, we could do it another time.

This has to be progress, right? She is maybe starting to realize that I have something to say, and maybe life isn't all rainbows and butterflies...


Me (BS): 44
Her (WS): 45
Together 17+ years, legally married for 4 years
25 animals (no kids)
dday#1: 2005
dday#2: 11/8/13
dday#3: 1/17/14
Formal separation: 7/10/14

Posts: 14 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NoVA
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180 is for you to get stronger, not to bring her around. Good that you stood your ground and feel good about your responses.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2986 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
RealityStinks
♂ Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later she texted me that she was too scared to go to MC tomorrow. She is worried about my anger and her "lack of support."

In other words, "I'm embarassed." And she's blame shifting talking about your anger.

Buddy, the 180 is about you getting on with your life. It's not about playing mind games with her. You move on, and she either gets with the program and joins you, or you keep going. It's about getting you to a better place now rather than later.

Hang in there man.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
barelygettingby
♀ New Member
Member # 42246
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the reminders that 180 is about me. I will try to keep remembering.


Me (BS): 44
Her (WS): 45
Together 17+ years, legally married for 4 years
25 animals (no kids)
dday#1: 2005
dday#2: 11/8/13
dday#3: 1/17/14
Formal separation: 7/10/14

Posts: 14 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NoVA
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember the 180 is for you.

(((hugs)))


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 5

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