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User Topic: Almost 3 years later
lilacs40
♀ Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I haven't needed this site for a long time (yay me) but I have a question.

How long should transparency last? I had gotten to a place where I was good and trusted WH as much as I was probably going to until he started playing an on-line game on his phone.

I truly think (at first) it meant nothing. Just a way to fill his down time at work. He started playing it a lot and it seemed to be taking time away from his family. We'd had a couple disagreements about it and the time he was spending. I was suspicious so I checked his email and found that he emailed two separate women pictures of his time in Afghanistan. He was also receiving texts from a number in a different state.

After checking for a couple of weeks I finally confronted him. He was of course angry because I invaded his privacy. He said that he didn't think that I should be worried didn't seem to get why I would question him.

I haven't really found anything else but I'm concerned that he's gotten smarter about his activities.

Am I being unreasonable that I should still be expecting that I should have free access to his phone and game playing/ messaging apps?

I also think that he has been checking my phone but I can't be sure.

Sorry if there's typos I'm on my phone and its hard to edit.


"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go." Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 180 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long should transparency last?

I believe forever. Why need privacy when it comes to your phone, e-mails, facebook, etc.?


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
MairISaoirse
♀ Member
Member # 41497
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO- transparency should be forever. I think waywards lose all right to privacy once they make the choice to R

He said that he didn't think that I should be worried didn't seem to get why I would question him

I dont think he has any right to "THINK" and decide what YOU should and should not be worried about

i dont think you're being unreasonable


Mad Hatter

Me: 21
Him: 21
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad

after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
D-DAY 11/21/13

In Limbo


Posts: 114 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Kentucky
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Concur with forever.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3299 | Registered: Dec 2011
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What "privacy"? Is he pooping in this online game? 'Cause that's the only kind of privacy he needs.

It's been six years for me, and I say forever. We still know all each other's passwords.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8714 | Registered: Jan 2008
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do think WW lose it forever after an A, however it should have never been there in the first place - Wish I knew that years ago.

Overheard a coworker comment about how her H say the web sites she visited and she said "time to find another browser" I so wanted to go up to her and the other listening (one is about to get married ((for the first time )) and tell them that secrets have no place in a marriage.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 667 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're in R, you're in a partnership the likes of which requires, IMO, that you both know where the other is and what he's doing...in other words, transparency is just part of M. It goes on as long as you're in the M.


FBH (me) - 65+, FWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together almost 49 (as of January, 2014)
DDay - 12/2010
Almost Recovered
I share my own experience not because I'm a good model but because it's the only experience I know.

Posts: 8892 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I am thinking of doing something that I want to keep private I probably shouldn't be doing it. Complete transparency creates a good gauge to judge myself by.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better. Reconciled from the A's but still working hard for a better tomorrow.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2415 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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