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Newest Member: nadines13 (44587)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need advice
BrokenPiecesofMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42282
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no clue where to start. He finally agreed to come to MC/IC with me. That's a good first step right? Im scared of what the counselor will say to him & I wonder if he will be responsive & fully commited to the process.
I am not sure he wants to be with me & frankly I cant be with him right now. But I love him so much & I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
How do we go about doing this all correctly?
We tried a couple of months ago, he told me I was the only thing that mattered to him & that he was threw with OW. We were not doing IC/MC at the time, had a great trip to Vegas for Christmas together, after the New Year I found out that he was still talking to OW, whom he works with. We aren't living together right now. He still communicates with both me & this O OLDER W. I can see our phone bill.
Is there hope? Am I ever going to be enough for him? I've sacrified alot over the last 14 years, & I just want him to realize im worth it also.MC is a good first step?


Not Married-felt like we were married-high school sweethearts.
Me: 29 BS
Him: 30 WS
DDay: April 2013 - EA with COW-she is so insignificant & not worth MY precious time; I can't even go there.
Been together 14 years, I hope we can recover now

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: San Diego, CA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he won't end his affair, do not even bother trying. Honestly. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Unacceptable. Don't put up with it. Will he look for a new job?


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
BrokenPiecesofMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42282
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im not sure if he would look for a new job. He really likes his boss (he's always saying that there are not many cool bosses out there in his line of business).

She works in a different office but yes I would feel better if he did look for a new job.

I knew he was talking to someone when we first broke up in April. He denied it until she posted pictures of them on Facebook back in October. Once he got caught, he fessed up. Thats when I heared all the things I needed to hear. That I was the only thing that mattered to him & that he couldn't live without me. So I decided to give it a chance then. & I cant just give up on him & our relationship. I get that he might want his cake & ice cream too.But its like why won't he leave me alone if this is not where he wants to be?


Not Married-felt like we were married-high school sweethearts.
Me: 29 BS
Him: 30 WS
DDay: April 2013 - EA with COW-she is so insignificant & not worth MY precious time; I can't even go there.
Been together 14 years, I hope we can recover now

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: San Diego, CA
RealityStinks
♂ Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats when I heared all the things I needed to hear.

And there in lies the problem. You need to SEE ACTIONS for an EXTENDED period of time. Talk's cheap. Obviously you know now that he can lie to you.

Look, you are my age. You have plenty to time to start over. You are not married to him. You are not legally tied to him. Gently, MOVE ON. I'm 99% sure that's what I'm about to do, but I've got to go through all the legal crap and asset division. Based on what you described, you'll be there to if you stay with him and marry him one day. Run while you still can. Gently, IMO, you should have stayed broken up in April.

No, MC is not a good first step until you see remorse. Been there, done that. My WW went straight from our first MC session to the OM's house. She didn't leave until 1:00AM. I didn't know about the OM at that point. But, once I found out, we continued MC with two different C, and she continued her A and lied to everyone.

He has shown you who her, believe him.


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't want to give up....but you can. And with how he is treating you, you should.

Someone pointed me to the website www.baggagereclaim.co.uk when I started here--check it out. You're accepting crumbs when you deserve the whole thing. Learn how to change your mentality.

It will still hurt to be without him, but it will fade and you will move on. He has proven he doesn't have what it takes and you're ignoring the proof.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC is a good first step?

Cutting him off right at the KNEES is a good first step.

As long as you're still actively engaged with him and he's getting the emotional fulfillment of hearth and home from you, you're giving him what he wants while he continues living the single life and schmoozing his OW.

Cut him off.

Seriously. He doesn't know the consequences of his actions becuase you're still AVAILABLE to him.

Cut him off.

COMPLETELY.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am one of the poster children making a case of you moving on before there is any legal tie to this man..

Read my back story and you will see what I mean..

It is okay to be married and in relationships but always have the alternative of being able to live and thrive on your own if you see the need..For some of us to be able to live and thrive on our own is gonna take some mental and the physical work of saving money..

IMHO, any and every adult who is physically and mentally capable needs to be prepared to live on his/her own when a situation calls for it and be able thrive while doing this..

(((( Hugs ))))


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1165 | Registered: Nov 2011
StruckNumb
♀ Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His actions don't match his words. His actions state that you're not enough. He lied when he said he was done with the OW. You're in a place where you are not married to this man who has without a doubt proven he lies to you. Seriously, take a moment and really look objectively at these facts before you pledge any more of your youth to him. 10 years from now you'll remember this choice you are making. This is your crossroad. Please don't short yourself or settle. You are worth far, far more than who he shows himself to be.


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
BrokenPiecesofMe
♀ New Member
Member # 42282
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As painful as it is, I think some of you are right. His actions aren't speaking. I'm trying 180 out. Hoping to feel better soon. Keeping busy.


Not Married-felt like we were married-high school sweethearts.
Me: 29 BS
Him: 30 WS
DDay: April 2013 - EA with COW-she is so insignificant & not worth MY precious time; I can't even go there.
Been together 14 years, I hope we can recover now

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: San Diego, CA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, February 1st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck to you. Sending you strength!!!! If you struggle with 180 (and you probably will, you're human!) just come right back here for help and support


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 10

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