She's held so many secrets for so long, what are a couple extra days worth after the "truth" has come out gonna matter? She has already broken promises she made before I learned the whole truth. What is gonna stop her now? I need to take my mind off this and nothing I am trying is working.
What you are feeling is normal, IMO most of us lost the ability to concentrate...our mind is absorbed with the pain and heartbreak. What I suggest is you try to get some exercise, anything to keep you moving and remove your focus from this nightmare.
Do something for you, even for an hour or so. I used to go to a coffee shop with my laptop (not really doing much) and just breathe and get away from tne daily routine and my environment. I also used to take a drive screaming and crying to let the pain out...whatever works for you.
Leaning on a TRUSTED friend or family member also helps or even member of the clergy if you are a person of faith.
Have you met with your doctor for some temporary anti-anxiety medications? Many of us here have taken them to help us cope, they will not take away the pain, but they will allow you to relax a bit, and you might even get some sleep.
The only things that have been helping me cope with this are talking on here and talking to her. Then after I am done talking to her I wonder why I believe anything she is saying right now.
As far as sleep goes, luckily my daughter has been on a Tom and Jerry kick the past few days so while she cuddles with me and watches it (kinda helps), I pop in and out of naps.
I know this is a normal feeling, but with nobody around I can't just totally clock out for the day.
Kids are finally in bed. No more craziness from that department for a few hours. For an hour earlier they were holding a dance contest between themselves with no music. I don't think any of them won.
Then I think of the airport. It's already gonna be late when we pick her up. I'm debating on keeping kids from school the next day. There are gonna be other families there. All happy to see each other, and while somewhere I might have a bit of that left, I don't think I can embrace her. The tears will be there, but not for the reason I will want. Maybe she'll get lucky and everyone will think I'm just some guy. Some poor schmuck bringing this awesome volunteer of our country her family.
I was a crappy husband, I get that. No matter how far into the darkness I fell though, no matter the amount of opportunities I could of had just for being one of the few and proud, she was never in this kind of pain. She may have been angry and disappointed, but never had a reason to doubt me.
Time to go choke down some more food and make shadow puppets under the covers. It's gonna be a long night.
*Finding my strength*
I feel for you hf. This is going to be a long weekend for you. You were right to tell her that she hurt the kids in your other posts. This situation is bigger than the two of you even if the kids don't know about it. Their home environment is forever changed. I grew up in a toxic environment. Not that you are going to let a toxic environment happen, but even the change between you and your wife is forever changed. Which has an impact on that environment. Let her know that when you get to talk to her next.
Glad to see you mentioned legal counsel. You don't have to do anything, but you need to know your options up front not just for yourself, but for those kids as well. That will help yuo make decisions as you go.
Hang in there hf! I'll be following you.