My Dr. has me on hormonal cream, but really, it isn't enough and I don't have the money (yet) for anything crazy. I am only 45, don't think it is the change, and my mother can't remember when she went through menopause and there are no other living women in our family (scary thought, that).
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel
I don't have any silver bullet for this complicating factor. My H and I worked on recognizing when I was suffering PMS and trying not to allow my disjointed thoughts and actions to overrule the work we had done. I even kept a calendar in our closet where I charted my periods and moods. Each day I would put a check mark on the calendar representing my mood. A green check mark meant all was good, a yellow meant that I was feeling a little on edge, and red meant that I was full on PMSing. For several months, I used 3 check marks a day for morning, afternoon, and evening. This calendar helped both my H and myself see where I was currently, as well as begin to anticipate when hard times were coming so that we could prepare ourselves. We shared this information with our therapist so she could help in sessions during the rough times.
Obviously it was also helpful for me to own my PMS and tell my H that I was approaching the "danger zone." He would reassure me that he'd support me through it, and we really worked at our communication during that time. We utilized the "time out" often during PMS. If I seemed really off, he'd ask me or look at the calendar to see if we were in a bad time, then he'd ask me if we could table a discussion until the following week or another time. If I felt unable to wait, we'd try to have the discussion, but if it became too heated, either of us would request a time out (we'd respectfully say that things seemed too hot, that we didn't want to do more harm to our relationship, and that we'd like an hour or a day-whatever-to let it alone and then meet again to resume the conversation; we'd decide exactly when and where we'd attempt the conversation again so that it didn't get forgotten or set aside.) This helped, but still wasn't the magic solution.
I also found a wonderful OB/GYN who worked with my hormones, as well as prescribed an anti-anxiety med to use during the worst of my symptoms. The med was critical for me. I was 43-44 when all of this was going on and only realized later that I was perimenopausal during that time. I am now 50, and I can tell you that I am doing much much better as menopause draws closer and closer. All in all, as I reread my post, it seems that I have not been as helpful as I would like, but if nothing else comes of this at least you can know that you are not crazy and that others have stood where you are and made it through. Hang in there, whiteflower, it gets better.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad
after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
I hate this so so much.
This, too, shall pass.