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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ptsd....stuck?
RipsInMyChest
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was diagnosed as having PTSD by my therapist. I didn't get a lot out of the therapy sessions though. Everything I have read and everything she told me are things that I already know LOGICALLY. It's not about changing my perspective or getting some new viewpoint. I am into Eastern thought, I meditate, and do martial arts. I'm doing everything I possibly can to be healthy, happy, joyful, and wholehearted.

But, at over a year now, I still find that I have a lot of fear and a sense of danger at all times which is a classic sign of PTSD. It conflicts with my logic....I know I'm safe. I know my husband is remorseful and I know he's not going to do this again… Logically. But emotionally I just don't believe that I'm safe. He tells me the sweetest most wonderful things… That he would rather die than to ever hurt me again. But I just can't believe him. It's like it just won't sink into my heart.

Has anyone else seemed to become stuck in this kind of rut? Is it just that I need to give myself more time? My husband and I talk about this several times a week so it's not rug sweeping. Maybe the opposite? I feel like maybe we should talk less about it, but when I talk less about it I get more and more and more anxious until it kind of explodes. Not in a big violent way, just a lot of emotion comes pouring out of me.

I just wish I could relax, trust what my husband is telling me now, and have confidence that I am and safe and in control of my life. Advice? Is it simply the T-word?

[This message edited by RipsInMyChest at 10:03 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.


Posts: 244 | Registered: Oct 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have PTSD too - I tried EMDR therapy. Have you tried that? It helped a lot. But I still have flight/fight responses to certain triggers. I know I'm safe too but nothing I can do helps.
I'm not sure if others have dealt with this??

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Dec 2010
Offhispedestal
♀ Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What you're feeling makes a lot of sense. I know WS can say the absolute sweetest things. If you have multiple ddays , even with same AP. It makes it tough or impossible to believe. I've been there and sometimes I feel those feelings creeping in. It may take you longer. Everyone has different things that have helped tremendously. For me it was talking to other people we know from church. Betrayal is everywhere, church included.
We started saying a little prayer every night before we went to sleep. Just simple words said as we hold hands has changed the entire vibe in our home.My H prays for me silently by himself he says. I have felt stuck so many times I've lost count. The main thing I felt was that the feelings were out of my hands and I didn't have a choice. I would get angry when I would hear " if you are stuck and miserable, it's a choice you made" I am SLOWLY gaining control over those terrifying, PTSD feelings. I tell myself "I'm not doing this today! I'm choosing positives!👍 everything is going well, H feels my pain, there isn't a single day that he forgets the hurt he caused" I used to feel that he forgot...not true. He told me that just because I don't see his feeling of being down in the dumps. He forces himself everyday to choose to be happy because I gave him a second chance. He feels forgiveness from God after almost 2 yrs..
If you were to tell me all this a few months ago, I would feel like saying Fyou! You don't understand just how horrible my betrayal was. I can tell you that I caught him in PLENTY of lies. I found videos he recorded of her. I caught them physically together during "R" this was after him crying, wanting to end his life and telling me he would do whatever it takes to help me heal. After reading tons of their texts, emails.
I truly understand and many SI members have been in your shoes. You can do this. You can be ok, you can be happy again. Talking with your H when things get tough, taking some time alone to relax and meditate, counseling , therapy, doing things together and united. Most importantly I took H off his very high pedestal where I had him. I have been a very good wife, friend and lover. But NOT a Single person on this planet including myself is perfect. I know I have never been capable to betray my H like this. I'm not comparing stealing a pencil to betrayal. I'm telling you that there is only one perfect, God.
That's when I changed the way I thought. My H used to feel insulted that I said I took him off his pedestal. Now he understands and agrees. I'm sorry for veering off into other areas. People always reply as to what worked for them but some get criticized for saying God is what worked for them.
I'm sending a (((big hug))) your way.


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 629 | Registered: Jun 2011
RipsInMyChest
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both for your support. Sometimes I'm so ashamed that I have PTSD..... Like I should be stronger than this.

I haven't tried the EMDR therapy. I may go back and talk to my therapist about it if I dont see some changes in the near future.

OHP- I am glad to know that with time this will get better. Your story is so much more horrific than mine. My husband just had a ONS and was instantly regretful. But because of our relationship and how close we were it was just so shocking to me ....and I have some FOO issues. I am working on those and working on me but I just can't shake the unsafe feeling.


Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.


Posts: 244 | Registered: Oct 2013
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RipsInMyChest, no one can predict how the brain works and who will experience PTSD or who will not. It's not about being strong or not. Go easy on yourself.

I agree with Rachel. EMDR was a life-saver for me with PTSD. Talk therapy was not going to help me with PTSD symptoms. I don't know where I would be without EMDR.

((((RipsInMyChest))))


Growing forward

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a book on Amazon called Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder that could help, too. It's worth looking at, I think.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9757 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
RipsInMyChest
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks! I called my therapist. I made an appointment to talk to her about EMDR therapy. I guess I'd better grab the bull by the horns…


Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.


Posts: 244 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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