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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: where we are
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other day DS25 dropped kind of a bombshell on us. One that is typical of his pattern and cycle that his life seems to run on. He called me first to drop the ball and it was literally smack dab in the middle of us moving, in the middle of freezing, snowy, hectic craziness.

I dreaded telling H. The stress level was already sky high. I waited a bit and told him later that day. He reacted calmly, rationally and kindly. He said to me, we'll handle this, we'll figure it out together.

The past few days we have been settling into a new house and dealing with DS. I realized last night that as exhausted as we were, and as up in the air and scary as the DS situation seems to us as parents, we are handling it. I realize that it's going to escalate and this is probably the calm before the inevitable storm, but I was so grateful for that feeling of togetherness with H.

I let him know how that was making me feel, as we were tying up the millionth stack of boxes, unpacking shit in our freezing freakin' (seriously, enough with this cold already!) garage. Numb hands, exhausted minds and bodies....he said nothing, he just gave me a warm, reassuring hug.

This is our Reconciliation.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37563 | Registered: Sep 2007
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's awesome to know someone has your back and that they will truly be there through the bad times. I'm hoping to feel that again.

Best of luck with DS!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AML, a turning point for us in our R was to acknowledge that we are on the same team and that we need to always act that way.


Best of luck with DS!
Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37563 | Registered: Sep 2007
Zengirl
♀ Member
Member # 42195
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this. This is exactly the kind of marriage I'm working towards - I don't need perfection, but I do want a partnership that I know is steadfast. A port in the storm....soft place to fall....all of that. :)

Thanks for reminding me that it's this one (not so) simple aspect that can feel so deep and meaningful.

Best of luck to you.


Me (BW): 40
Married: 15 years
3 kids
D-Day: 10/13

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2014
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing how turning toward one another creates strength and comfort. I love the symbolism of the warm hug, in the midst of all that cold! It seems the tough times reveal our progress.

Sending lots of warm and healing thoughts to all of you. Especially for DS.



BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52120 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish the best to your son and to you & LD as you work through this bombshell.

I hope you're very happy in your new digs.

[This message edited by sisoon at 3:02 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10057 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhhh being a parent, the job you never retire from!

I feel as you do AN.

Prior to our R I felt as though I would handle stuff and hubby would handle stuff. It wasn't a we, and if there was we weren't on the same page.

The tension, bad feelings, resentment all for nothing.

If someone had ever just pointed the way it would have saved years of stress!

I consider you and LD fortunate, to have found the answers, to have that united front and to know that having each others back isn't just a term one throws around.

Continued strength and unity for the two of you and prayers to your DS. They flounder and make choices that we don't always agree with, but if we turn back the pages of time and know we were there once it makes it easier to accept.

One day he will share your wisdom, but it will take time.

Thanks for an uplifting, happy post.

((((AN,LD,DS)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the hugs and encouraging words.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37563 | Registered: Sep 2007
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... we'll handle this, we'll figure it out together



ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14844 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 35099 | Registered: Mar 2011
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5643 | Registered: Aug 2007
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice to read this post. Thanks for sharing AN.

Your DS has solid people he gets to call, mom and dad.

Wish you all well. And warmth!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2281 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 13

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