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User Topic: I think he's done this before
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a phrase FWH used to use when he lied to me about something really really big. About something like this.

He has used it four times before. Once was on Dday. Once was when I told him I knew about someone he was friends with who had cheated. The other two times pertained to him but he convinced me they were nothing at the time.

I don't think so anymore. I think this has happened before. He is coming home tomorrow and we will talk about it, but so far he has denied anything. It has been so long that there is no way I could prove it at this point.

But I believe it. He said the same words. It is driving me crazy and keeping me from totally trusting him.

I wake up several times a night thinking about this. I throw everything pre-Dday into the same crazy basket at this point, but I need to know the truth about my life.

I need to know. This is just a vent I guess. Thanks to anyone who listened.

I think he has done this before.
xo

hfm


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hfm)))

I am not sure I understand, but I feel your pain.

You think there is more that he covered up?

If your gut is telling you this, AND it wakes you up...you are probably right.

strength to get through tomorrow. I know calling them out on b/s is difficult.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes it takes a while for things to come together in our mind. If your thinking it means something it prob does. That's been my experience anyway.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I don't know if he did or did not, but when we as BS's really start looking back and think back to other times and things we probably swept under the rug or locked away in our brain we all of a sudden have these lightbulb moments. When I started having those I would write them down, it would make me feel less crazy and I could go back as I remembered things and correct or add to them as I went along.

Writing things down was helpful to me. It made me realize how much I had let go, how much selfish crap he had done in the past, and quite frankly how "I" needed to see for myself how much "I" kept allowing this stuff to happen. And why? Why did I not do something about it back then?

I too felt mine had done it previously, I still do but I am further along then you so I do think it is a process of allowing our brains to accept and heal from all we allowed to happen in our own lives.

But you will have those "ah hah" moments as your heart and head start to come together. It is painful but it is healing as well. Keep digging and keep working on knowing your true beliefs.


Posts: 5611 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A word of caution -- don't reveal his *tell* to him if/when you talk to him.

Odds are, you are right about your suspicion.

One way to deal with this would be to tell him that you know he's said nothing else has happened in the past, but you can't shake the feeling that he's not being honest about that and a solution would be for him to take a polygraph to help you lay it to rest so the two of you can move forward.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wake up several times a night thinking about this. I throw everything pre-Dday into the same crazy basket at this point, but I need to know the truth about my life.

I totally get this. I now suspect The Princess of screwing other guys through our entire marriage. How much of it does she admit to? Absolute fucking zero. Even the stuff I had proof of.

If you're hoping to reconcile, then yes, you need the entire truth - and reconciliation can't start until you have it. But if you're divorcing, you just won't get it. It's shitty, but something you'll probably have to accept. And that sucks.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1695 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you for your responses. This one is hard for me to think about, so honestly I was kinda avoiding my own thread.

We are doing so well and I am scared to death of going back to ground zero.

Still haven't talked about it.....blah.....


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 7

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