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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: wedding anniversary tomorrow
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

Well, we are still together and working on R and honesty. Things have been going well.

Til this afternoon that is. I thought I was doing so well with our approaching anniversary, the first since A, but it's started hitting me hard out of the blue.

I didn't even ask him to take the day off work. I felt fine and thought I would be fine and that if I wasn't I would probably be better carrying on like a normal day and being on my own, so I could have a little cry of I needed to, distract myself with my favourite things etc.

I just keep getting hit by thoughts this past few hours. 14 years ago I was 21 and in my parents home all excited to be marrying the man of my dreams and if there was one thing I felt, it was safe! I knew he would never intentionally hurt me, I knew I was all he wanted.

Oh God I am grieving that innocence lost. I would give anything to go back to that day and know I had to make my marriage a priority and protect that love.

We used to laugh and say our marriage didn't need work, it just worked! We were both so happy. Then life and her got in the way.

I wish I could go back. I would still marry him but I would never let him doubt I loved him.

Sorry for such a downer.


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Olwen :)

Be easy on you tomorrow. You can do whatever you feel like with the day. Let it roll on by or go to dinner and celebrate the changes you are both making.

Whatever makes you comfortable.

The first year is tough, first anniversary, first holidays, first, first , first....

You will get through it together because you are stronger than you ever thought you would have to be.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you completely. The only way I got thru it was to ignore it completely. And that's my plan from this point on.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Olwen))


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 472 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone,

I actually feel a bit better today. I think the thought of the day was worse than the reality.
We did exchange cards and gifts mostly for our son's sake but H was determined to get me something.

I did love my present, it was a willow tree figurine. A man standing behind a woman and hugging her. It's how we often hug and it was a very sweet gift.

I didn't actually get him anything so personal. He is getting into wood carving since the affair. He said he wanted a hobby to help his depression. It was one of the things he decided to change after the affair. Something to stop him getting bored and feeling down so I got him a whittling book and knife.

It was actually h who broke down crying this morning.


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the thought of the day was worse than the reality

If we could just shut off our brains...

Glad it's not as tough as you expected.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even imagine that yet. WH went out to lunch with OW last year the day before our anniversary and then 6 weeks later ON my birthday. I'm thinking of you today. {{Olwen}}

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 5:19 AM, January 29th (Wednesday)]


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, it's pretty much the start of A season too but not quite. That's next month after my birthday and pretty much runs thru to mid june when I finally got the truth.

I guess I am going to have to get used to days like this. There are a lot of them coming up....


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh bless, he has put an announcement in the local paper saying how much he loves me. Such a lovely thing to do. He would never have done that pre A.

Is it wrong to hope she reads it.....


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it wrong to hope she reads it.....

Send her a framed copy

I kid....I kid....


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh bless, he has put an announcement in the local paper saying how much he loves me

I love it!

All the best Olwen.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2122 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL
Thanks all


Together 18yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 12

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