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Newest Member: BrokenNoMore (45438)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: shocked
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 3:21 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks moment in time. I have been reading more posts and I believe he is gas lighting.....

I told the 2 older children (11, 13) yesterday. They are gutted. Want to know will we get back together.

That broke my heart.. All I could say, while trying not to burst into tears is that while I love their dad I will never take him back.

Which brings me to a question.... Infidelity is a Deal breaker for me. I feel bad telling my kids that I will never take their father back. I know it's not my fault... He chose his actions, now he lives with the consequences ..... But why do I feel so horrible?


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that this will not define me. I will only ever look back to see how far I've come.
I'm going to have good days and bad days but I've started implementing the 180... Ive joined an online health group, now it's about me (and my gorgeous girls).


I loved reading this. So strong! Yes, focus on you and you will get the life you deserve--one free of this type of treatment. You can feel sad about this being a dealbreaker while still knowing it is a consequence he brought on. And your kids will have an example of not compromising in their mom--that is pretty great. Yes, no one wants to put kids in this situation, but it is better for them than having parents in a marriage with no respect.

(((hugs)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Nora bird.....

I came in to say we finally got somewhere today. He admitted to knowing OW. He admitted to having a "friend" that he didn't meet on a dating site. ( he was so quick to point that out I saw it for the lie it was). He said it wasn't PA (again not believed).

I don't know why it's important for me to get validation on what I suspected....

Now I'll be happy with a heArtfelt apology. (But I won't hold my breath).

Still doesn't change the fact what he did was a deal breaker. I just want an apology.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
BrooklynLove
♀ Member
Member # 41800
Angry  Posted: 11:51 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for you and your girls. Please get a VAR and put it in his car fast. Also put a keylogger on his computer so you can get his passwords. Never, never reveal your sources. Good luck and act fast. Trust me him and the OW have changed there plan. If you want to scare him straight, get a separation agreement and file for child support. Expose this affair to friends and family that will be supportive.


Will never be naive again...

BW - Me (28)
WH - Him my JH sweetheart (33)
Married - 8 years
2 babies - DD (3) and DD (5 months)
OW#1 - PA with classmate for 2 months
OW#2 - Some slut living oversees that needs a green card. EA & PA going on


Posts: 110 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your next step should be to see a good divorce lawyer. Actually, if there are 2-3 really good ones in your area, schedule an appointment with all of them. Once you've seen them, even only for an initial consult, they cannot represent your WH.

I advise all BSs who have WSs who do not instantly become remorseful to see lawyers and, if this is truly a deal breaker for you, better sooner than later. 1) knowledge is power. You should know right from the beginning what, if you end up divorcing, you can expect in child and spousal support, as well as the steps needed to march forward. 2) it sends a clear signal to the WS that you are NOT playing around with them. Actions, meet consequences. This quite often has the effect of pulling them out of Fairy Land and back to earth. And 3), if things go south really fast, if the WS starts to spend all of your retirement, tries to move AP into your house, wants to take the kids out of the state for a "vacation" with AP, then you have already set the groundwork for moving quickly and protecting what is yours.

It's probably also time for you to set up your own bank account and credit cards, and move 1/2 of your assets into them. And do wait until under 24 hours to cancel the reservations! Then report the joint card that the reservations were made under stolen. Let him scramble to find a Lurve Nest for his Ho.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Keepcalm
♀ Member
Member # 36234
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on having the strength to kick him out. My husband too was "angry" at me for ruining his fun. You did the right thing. They need a kick in the pants to wake up.


BS Me 57
WS Him 55
Married 30 yrs
DDay 1/28/2012
I have no idea what is going on

Posts: 181 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Virginia
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again......

I didn't know about seeing the lawyers.... Will get onto that next week.

I have already opened another bank account, in my own name.

I have sought advise re child support., and set the wheels in motion in that regards.

He did say he was truly shocked at how quick I moved on everything....

Had a mixed night last night. We started to talk.... Started off as being about him seeing the kids.... Ended up being more of an evaluation of where things went wrong., and what led to the A. I told him that while I owned 50% of the relationship problems however the A was on him.

He cried and told be he loved me ( long time since I've heard that). I cried then he started talking about he might want to come back . I'm not going to lie, it did stir the thought of hope in me......

But I don't want r.

We committed to each other that we are going to make our new situation work for the kids sake. He is staying with friends (not AP) and looking for his own place.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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