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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What to do
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I had gotten a protective/restraining order almost a month ago now. It kicked my then stay at home wayward abusive husband out of the house. I essentially mad whim homeless with no job. Most of his family refused to help when they found out what he had been doing to me.
I have not had a whole lot of contact aside from letting the kids call him at night. He would still text me and try to talk on phone. Never threatened, never angry.
Advice neede, I haven't heard anything in three days. He hasn't answered phone calls from kids. No texts to me. Nothing. Nothing from his family either. Supposedly he is in rehab of some sort, I guess for alcoholism.

I'm concerned about his well being. Ridiculous I know. But I am. But part of me wonders if its a ploy on his part. Thoughts?


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone know where he is staying? I would contact them. Just to say, he has not answered the kids calls in 3 days. You are not heartless, he is the father of your children so your concern is warranted.
It could be a game or not but it is your concern since he is still married to you.
I was thinking rehab or jail. If you know for sure he is in rehab then that is why no response. I think they take phones away from you while you detox. If he is in rehab, then you know and wait until he contacts the kids.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home. We are slowly working toward that but are still

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure his mother does. I'm just afraid to open any door of communication to her. She isn't fun and she stresses me out to no end. And if she happens to not know it will turn into defcon 5 till he is found, like she will call and text constantly. He was in rehab at first and was talking and texting then. I don't think they take the phone where he was.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is off getting help - good. If you are worried, say a prayer for him - then let go and let God.

In situations of abuse, physical or emotional, the relationship pattern is incredibly hard to break (on either side). Know that whatever is going on - You are not the one who can help. Your involvement is likely to just be a temptation to slip into those old patterns - not good for any involved! Stay NC! Work on getting you healthy. Even more so if this is just a ploy.

Stay strong Chipped!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks take2, that was my thought too. He isn't my responsibility anymore. He knowingly abused his meal ticket (he called me that one) and the ticket went away. Ok, I think I will maintain radio silence them.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does your restraining order say? Make sure that YOU don't violate it so that it becomes null/void.

Honestly, he's a big boy. I get that you were married and he is the father of your children but I would just stop having them try to contact him - so they don't worry too much - and just wait for him to contact them. IF he's in rehab, he likely cannot contact the outside world for a period of time.

Talk about your worries here instead of with the STBXMIL, keep an eye out in the newspapers or google his name every now and again to see if anything pops. If you really need to know where he is, and if you know where he might be in rehab, you might want to contact them and see if he is there. Make sure that you tell them you don't want to know anything about his status, just whether or not he is there or not.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He finally sent a text that he was leaving gifts for kids behind car. I checked the order I just can't encourage him to violate it and I don't, he only talks to kids. He said someone else left the gifts not him.
And of course I yet again feel like a crazy bitch. He spent so long making my life hell and now acts like the best thing since sliced bread.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did you get a restraining order? I'd keep that in mind next time you're tempted to contact. He may be acting fine now but he can't wear the mask for long


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
Hasn't moved out yet
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 930 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sounds bat shit insane. I'm glad you stayed NC with him.

Had you contacted him, it would have taught him that he can get you all worked up if he goes radio silent for 3 days. I'd document everything in case you ever need it for custody purposes.

Are you in IC?


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sure am and have been for a while. I knew I was being abused and manipulated I just didn't want to admit it. I kept thinking any minute now he will stop.
That's exactly why I didn't want to contact him. I did not want him thinking he could get to me that easily!
He is batshit crazy. Who beats and cheats on the person they are living off! He still acts like he did nothing wrong. Even told me at one point that WE had gotten out of control. I guess me getting out of control was not liking his behavior.,
I hate living in crazy town. I definitely hated being married to the mayor of crazy town.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sure am and have been for a while. I knew I was being abused and manipulated I just didn't want to admit it. I kept thinking any minute now he will stop.
That's exactly why I didn't want to contact him. I did not want him thinking he could get to me that easily!
He is batshit crazy. Who beats and cheats on the person they are living off! He still acts like he did nothing wrong. Even told me at one point that WE had gotten out of control. I guess me getting out of control was not liking his behavior.,
I hate living in crazy town. I definitely hated being married to the mayor of crazy town.


Me BS 32
DDay July 13'
3 young kids

Posts: 290 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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