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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: communication
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you may remember, I went back to court earlier this month and had CS increased to reflect the current salaries of myself, ex and what is paid in child care. CS doubled. I knew that ex wouldn't be happy, and I got my first wind of it yesterday when he started forwarding me emails (that I already get) regarding fees for soccer and girl scouts. I responded w thanks, already on the list, did you want to discuss how to split these? Knowing full well that was not his point. In reality, what he contributed outside of CS previously only a tiny fraction of the total amount of extracurricular $$$ for the kids. The amount CS went up each month is more than he contributed all last calendar year, perhaps total since the div. I have never challenged him on it since the very beginning.

Additionally, he is trying to dictate the kids schedule again. He did ask politely a couple of weeks ago about switching the week days for his travel and I met him halfway. Since then he has started telling me when he could and could not take the kids and last week I had to change plans that I have been anticipating for a long time because of kids off school and ex needing to fly out. I get that this is what parents do, but he told me I needed to do this, didn't ask.

I have ALWAYS held my tongue, gone by the "what would a judge say" if he saw my emails. But I am done. He is a shit. I don't want to try any more. It has been 4 fucking years since he left. HE LEFT, not me.

And yes, I have documented everything. I have spreadsheets with all the kids expenses over the years. What I contributed, what he contributes. It is a joke.

I am thinking about laying out my boundaries and explaining what CS covers one last time. If he cannot treat me civilly, then we revert back to what the div decree states as it benefits me anyway. I rarely ask for help w kids' schedule as it is and I really will never have to ask as the kids are getting older and my mom (who is local) will be retiring this spring.

I know these are two issues. Do I let the money go? I was anticipating his dick move anyway. But I do want him to know that I know he is a dick, IYKWIM.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not let the money go, even if you do not need it, it is his responsibility. Put it in an account for the kids, a slush fund.
I would start sending him monthly invoices reflecting his share of the fees. If he does not pay them, the monthly invoices remind him he is a dick.
No notes, just an invoice.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home.
Lies!

Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem with the extracurricular activity expenses is that they were not written into our div decree. MD judges do not have that ability to write that as an order, and our div did go to court. The judge did however forget to put the claiming kids every other year clause, so I did come out ahead with that. But I am still trying to recover from the lawyer fees required to correct the original CS ruling.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get what he owes you. It's for the kids. He needs to learn to budget for it just like anyone else in his position.


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1201 | Registered: Jun 2007
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so how do you propose that I get the money from him? At this point he is refusing to pay for girl scout activities that are on his weekends. So I have to ask his permission if she can go to this activity on her weekend and then fill out the forms and pay for them myself.

And I just went to court. $$$ and 12month process. And once again, MD judges can not order someone to pay for 1/2 of extracurricular activities.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so how do you propose that I get the money from him?

You can't. Since it is not in the court order then there is really nothing you can do except to ask him to pay half and expect him to pay nothing. It sucks and is not fair, but it is reality.

As far as visitation, I do think that you need to revert back to the court order because it looks like he is starting to jerk you around. But on the other hand, you cannot force him to take visitation. Do you have first right of refusal? If so, then take the kids when he has to travel but do not give him any days in return. Tell him that he forfeited his visitation and there is nothing in the court order that says you have to give him "make up" days. Then perhaps tell him that you will be more flexible once he starts paying 1/2 of the extracurricular, but as long as he is being a dick then you reserve the right to be a bitch.

Bitch boots. They cannot compel someone to do something, but they are great at kicking them back when they encroach upon you.

HTH and (((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17679 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not have the first right of refusal, but when he can't have the kids, he informs me I have to have them and just drops them off. He was only interested in make up days this past year because he knew that I would argue for full physical custody if he didn't take all of the days he was awarded (like he did the previous year). His visitation is only 5 days more than the states cut off for full vs share.

And the fact is, I need him to take the kids for my job. I am a salaried position and they are flexible, so I work more hours on the days he has the kids to make up for the hours I miss because because of the kids. So I screw myself if I don't allow him to have make up days.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Topic Posts: 7

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