Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Lovelost26 (45077)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I think my ex is losing it. :/
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During the holidays ex texted me saying he was going to have CS modified because he can't make ends meet. (He's been scrambling since he lost his career job last winter and I think it is finally catching up with him.) I texted him today and told him that his payment was almost a week late and he went off on me..complete with screen shots of his low bank account balance and how he is going to take me back to court and, "What would you like me to do? I can't give you what I don't have!" Like a full-fledged rant of frustration and anger because I dared to ask him where the payment was. I know better than to fuel the fire when he gets like that. (Because I really wanted to tell him that I don't give a crap about his money problems.)

I have a meeting with my attorney in the morning.

I am so completely sick of this.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breathe ruined. You know his money issues aren't your problem. If he's going to file, he's going to file. The courts will solve it. I'm glad you are seeing a lawyer though to cover yourself. :)


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5513 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
scarednbroken
♀ Member
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear about this. His issues are not your probs. he needs to cut his spending elsewhere. IMHO

I have an old story.... (33 yrs ago...)

My dad on my 10th birthday (he was picking my bro and I up for his weekend visit) brought his new son (named JR.) to meet us. He was about 8 mo old. He looked at me and said "you know I now have a new family to support. It's hard work and expensive. Do you think you can ask your mom to accept a lower cs payment for you guys? It would really help me and NW out."

I looked at him and said "I'm sorry. Did having a new kid erase us? Are you less responsible for us as a father? No I WILL NOT ask mom that. If you want her to you ask her. " We had been struggling too. Mom worked two jobs on top of his piddle cs just to make ends meet. Why would we take less?

He was a class a WH jerk. My mom was no saint but she always made sure my bro and I were a priority.

[This message edited by scarednbroken at 8:54 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]


BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((scarednbroken))

That is a terrible story. :(


I'm not struggling financially. I mean, I am not rolling in dough and things are tight, but I'm able to pay the bills, buy the kids clothes, and do fun things with them ocassionally. My income has increased quite a bit since CS was set and I know his has decreased. Before I changed jobs though things were really, really tight. I was using credit cards to buy groceries. And if he reduced CS dramatically, I'd probably be close to that again.

The thing that pisses me off is that he was asked to resign due to his bad behavior on the job. And I don't see him cutting any other expenses. He still rents a condo a block from the beach which in turn creates an 80 mile daily commute to his job in his SUV. I can't imagine what his gas must cost him. And in his text tone he was practically screaming at me. WTF have I done to this man and why the fuck won't he just leave me alone!!!! Pay me your CS and get the fuck of of my life!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((r&b)))) What a whiny entitled jerk.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25532 | Registered: Aug 2011
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In our state, all payments are garnished and done through the state. I asked what would happen if STBXH loses his job or goes to jail and my lawyer said, "Oh he's still responsible unless and until he goes to court to get it adjusted." It is HIS responsibility to get it adjusted, NOT yours. I think your XH needs to be reminded of that.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1803 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gemini71, I had the option of doing it through the state and I could smack myself for not doing it that way. I knew he was not the type that would not pay if he had the money. Problem is, I never anticipated that he would lose his job, but I guess I should have known by how he was behaving before all this crap went down.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well fuck that guy.
What an entitled, selfish asshole.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4658 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you are going thru this.

He can modify the divorce decree to have child support revised. It is based upon your income & his. In the state I live, and since I was a paralegal, you just input the #'s and you have your child support figure.

Do you think he would actually take the steps to modify the decree? Go see an attorney or contact the child support recovery unit in your state to do so?

Gemini71 is correct in that it is HIS responsiblity not yours to revise the support order. You can have your attorney run the figures if you know what his income is so you could have an idea and brace yourself knowing what it might be should he take action.

I'm sorry. It just sucks.


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I think he will modify. I'm just scared about how much it will be modified. I'm finally not feeling strangled financially for once in my life. And I don't want the kids to suffer from this.

And I don't understand why I am always the target of his frustrations. *He* wanted all of this. NOT me. I haven't done anything to him. So what is with all the anger toward me?

Fuck. That. Guy!


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He can certainly try to modify. However, where I'm from, loss of employment due to "bad behavior" is much different from losing employment because of downsizing or another issue out of the employee's control when it comes to cs calculation and modification. In cases where the loss of the job was due to that person's own fault, the court can choose to impute that same amount of income. The court can also really put the screws to him regarding finding another job with the same or very similar income and can ask him for proof of what he's done to find another job. If he's doing nothing but sitting on his ass and complaining, the court will have zero sympathy for him.

Your L will obviously know best but these are not simple issues and it's likely not something that he will easily modify. It's his fault that he lost a good paying job that allowed him to support his children. Chances are, he will be expected to find another comparable job or else modify his own lifestyle to accomodate the kids' support.

ETA: He's angry because things are not turning out as he wished. He wanted out, but he wanted to leave with all of his money and his reputation in tact. He was living in a fantasy world and instead of blaming the guy who created that ridiculous fantasy, he wants to turn it around on you and the kids. In his twisted mind, you are the obstacle to his happiness. He will never see that he's his own worst enemy and his idea of happiness is a farce. Don't take it personally. Take it as another sign that it's good you are no longer married to a selfish, entitled, nasty man-baby.

[This message edited by suckstobeme at 2:49 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2811 | Registered: Jan 2011
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((R&B))

I'm sorry you are going thru this. However, this was his doing, so you are totally right w/FTG!!!

Not your problem.

(((more hugs)))


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 756 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
allyk2014
♀ New Member
Member # 41688
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xwh, left for his best friend's wife, who was also a friend of mine. In the beginning, I could tell he felt bad, told a family member of mine he would always love me and support me, was excellent about child support. Then the two of them got married and he started asking to have child support reduced every time I talked to him, even got an attorney and took me to mediation. I didn't agree. Then I found out his new W was pregnant. Well, no wonder!! When he asked for the final time to reduce it in December, telling me he is broke, can't pay his bills, and went off on me calling me a "B" for not giving in, I text him....

"It's not my problem you knocked up your best friends wife and have to support all of her kids. My kids will not suffer due to your stupid choices."

[This message edited by allyk2014 at 9:50 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


Me: 38
WH: 43 Narcissist
Currently separated

Posts: 32 | Registered: Dec 2013
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's angry because things are not turning out as he wished. He wanted out, but he wanted to leave with all of his money and his reputation in tact. He was living in a fantasy world and instead of blaming the guy who created that ridiculous fantasy, he wants to turn it around on you and the kids. In his twisted mind, you are the obstacle to his happiness. He will never see that he's his own worst enemy and his idea of happiness is a farce. Don't take it personally. Take it as another sign that it's good you are no longer married to a selfish, entitled, nasty man-baby.

That pretty much sums it up. As I said before, taking you back for CS modification may backfire on him. He could be opening a whole new can of worms for himself and be forced to get another second bartending job and/or be forced to move from his beach digs to be closer to work. Also there is still the fact that he hardly ever has the kids over night as outlined in the decree. Twice a month is a joke. If he has time NOT to have the kids, your lawyer can argue he has ample time to work. Not go out on Friday nights at the beaches.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sure is losing it if he thinks his money problems are because of you.

Did you make those kids on your own? Did you cheat on your family, end up divorcing, and lose your job because you cannot keep your hands to yourself?

NO.

(See what I did there? I wrote a complete sentence - No.)

That's what you tell him when he tries to get you to agree to his pity party. What a Dooosh.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 5:18 PM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3605 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I've comprised this text if/when he contacts me again. What do you think? Should I send it or just give him crickets to whatever he says?


"Child support reduction due to loss of income is not an automatic given. Different factors would be considered, including the reason you resigned from your job in the first place. Any court will tell you that child support is supposed to be paid before any other expense, not last. They aren't going to care about your low bank balances. The court cares about the kids and keeping them in the lifestyle they are used to. They aren't going to concerned about much else and may not have much sympathy for a loss of income that was due to your behavior on the job. Child support is for supporting DS1 and DS2 and it is used 100% for them. It is not for me.

You are wanting me to have sympathy for your situation and agree to a reduction but you text me in threatening, offensive, and condescending tones; the same way you've been treating me for over three years since you walked out and even before that. You haven't shown the smallest amount of concern for anything I've gone through, even though you were the cause of it. The truth is, you turned your back on me completely. So I'm confused as to why you think I would be motivated to make your life easier when you talk to me like trash and you've disregarded my life completely.

A series of your own choices put you where you are right now. I had nothing to do with it. And DS1&DS2 should not have to feel the effects of it either."



“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A series of your own choices put you where you are right now. I had nothing to do with it. And DS1&DS2 should not have to feel the effects of it either."


I'd just send this. Too much information about you in the rest of it. He doesn't care.

or else:

Your circumstances & choices have nothing to do with me. Please contact my lawyer with any further communication on this matter.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1024 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good point Softcentre.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^this.

Don't give him a target, r&b. Don't pet the drama llama. He won't believe anything you say about it anyway, and/or will want to prove you wrong.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He won't believe anything you say about it anyway

That is absolutely true. Let him figure it out on his own.

Glad I put it here instead of texting it to him. I tend to get all wordy and then regret it later. If he wants to spend his money to open up the case then let him. He'll find out that it is not as cut and dry as he seems to think it is.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.