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User Topic: Do you hate the OW?
♀ New Member
Member # 42202
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the risk of being shot down in flames, I was the OW.

Am I full of regret? Absolutely.

Do I wish I could turn the clock back? Yes.

Am I proud of myself? No.

I knew he was married; I knew he had kids; I overstepped every line going.

Why did I do it? I have no true idea. It was probably like many of you have said, I'm a broken person..

Somewhere within in me I must have deep flaws; somewhere within me, I cared not about crossing boundaries.

These are the reasons that I registered on this forum - to try to understand what I did and why I did it. To try to understand how I thought my actions were acceptable.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..welcome 'FormerOW'..'ve come to the right place for the search..

there is a wealth of information on this site.. and a tremendous cross-section of all the different people affected by infidelity.

..good luck and I hope you find the answers to your personal 'why's..


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
♀ Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm honestly going back and forth with this. At the first 12 months I HATED HER, I FANTASIZED OF A VERY SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FOR HER. Now I sometimes see her for what she is a very disturbed, broken woman. There is something from her past that molded her into the broken woman she is. Her mom divorced her dad and married her boss that she was having an A with. Her mom has had issues with pill addictions so has MOW. The mom tried to commit suicide a few yrs ago. MOW often talked about killing herself if my H left her. So the apple doesn't fall far off the tree. Still she knows the difference of right and wrong, she is a serial cheater. I truly wish she would get IC and would face her demons. I kept her H cell phone number saved in my phone contacts. I just couldn't delete it until like 2-3 weeks ago. I'm closing that chapter of my life any deleting that number was a huge step

Married 24

2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R

Posts: 639 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't hate her. She was not in contract with me. Made no vows - no promises. She thought she was in love.

That being said, I think she is an idiot. My WXH is a con artist. Him I hate!

But should you think I'm highly evolved I must also declare I wish her a lifetime of misery. She was my eldest child's "mentor" the 5 yr duration of the affair. That is what I find unforgivable.

BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe

Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
♀ Member
Member # 38674
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do hate her I want her to get hit by a semi or a bus that would be her karma .. she deserves it.. she knew he was married ... knew he had kids .. but she still didn't care ... she will never have good wishes from me ..

me 33
him 32
6 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R

my give a damn is busted

Posts: 225 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate, no not anymore.
I still despise her, and it's probably not wise for her to show her face in my vicinity.
But she is a coward, and is terrified of me...she should be.
I hope that if I ever see her I will have some measure of self control.
But him, oh, now that's where, on my bad days, my animosity lies!
On good days, I don't give them a moments thought. I'm having more and more good days.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW#2 - Hate her? No. I have true pity for her. Even on her knees, she couldn't keep him. She has since lost the job that gave her the ability to chase him (love karma!). She knew he was married. She was a filthy slut, pure and simple. She also was into drugs and her husband had left her and was trying to take their 2 kids from her completely. I hope she gets her head on right and turns her life around.

OW#1 - Hate a bar slut? Ha. No. I really don't. Again, I feel sorry for her.

[This message edited by AppalachianGal at 4:38 PM, January 27th (Monday)]

BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't because my Ex pretended he was single. Once she knew he wasn't, she didn't want to see him again. I actually respect her for that.

D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I despise her but don't think about the psycho bitch bunny boiler. It is nothing to me and my fWH and it deserves no space in our brain. We never use it's given name either. We ignore any attempts it makes to contact and will call police if it shows in person.

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 9952
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, but mostly for the horrible way she treated my two sons and my step-son throughout their 13 year affair. She did things to hurt my sons that were unspeakable. If you knew some of the details you'd agree, but out of respect for my sons privacy I won't detail the worst of it.
However, I'll cut(from my profile)and paste below how she behaved toward them at Ex-WH's funeral.

"Oct 2011 - ExWH died of kidney failure. My two sons, along with their older half-brother, all drove 1000 mile to Alabama to handle the funeral and get items from his apartment. OW was a WITCH to the very end. She refused to give them the key to their dad's apartment, so they had to get it from the Apt complex manager. And without consulting his sons, she planned the viewing at the funeral home, wrote the obituary which was full of errors and exaggerations about his alleged career, she put together a slide show for the viewing which consisted mostly of photos of her with her dogs. To top it off she spent 30 minutes of the 2 hour viewing verbally attacking my sons and my step-son loudly in front of Ex's casket because she insisted that they leave Ex's ashes with her, and they refused. She was yelling so loud she could be heard out in the parking lot. Finally the funeral director made her leave. (Only two other people besides her and sons showed up anyway.) She behaved like the trailer trash that she is until the bitter end.

The final "screw you" of ExWH to his sons was he left them no money to pay for his funeral. My step-son put the $2800 cost on his credit card and later my sons helped pay it off. Meanwhile, my sons found out ExWH left the only money he had left to his name, $3200 in his retirement account, to OW who's husband is a full Professor at Univ of AL making $105,000 yr."

She is beyond evil.

[This message edited by Ciao_Bella at 5:26 PM, January 27th (Monday)]

Me (BS)Divorced from WS. He was diagnosed NPD by two Psychologists. He continued his affair with married OW for 13 years until he died in Oct 2011.

Two sons; 29 & 27 years old; I'm remarried

Posts: 365 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do believe that she didn't know that he was in a relationship. I am hoping that NC was immediate and swift. I will never know whether or not she wanted to carry on with him after she found out he had lied to her too. She sad they were "just friends" after I e mailed her to confront. Then when I told her that I discovered their "friendship" on an e mail that she had sent to them I didn't hear from her again. Do I have fantasies of getting back in touch with her ? Absolutely !! Will I ? Not a chance!!!!!

Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years

Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013

Posts: 201 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome FormerOW.

No shooting here, just a welcome and congrats on choosing to heal.

Good luck. There are some wonderful people here.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ New Member
Member # 42025
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I hate her but in the end I still blame my WH ultimately. Anyway, she is married too and knows he is married with kids.

DDay - December 2013 and January 2014

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At first I hated her and had very doable plans to totally fuck up her life that I did not implement. But as time went by I came to pity her. I actually think she was as much a victim as I was. She was a drug addicted escort (nicer way to say hooker) who thought she had found her "Pretty Woman" dream come true. He gave her a diamond engagement ring. Played out his fantasy without any thought about the other people he used as props in his game. It was a 7 yr. relationship. She passed away a couple of months after they "broke up" most probably from a drug overdose.

It is strange after all this time to realize we were both played by the psychopath. I am so happy I divorced him. The karma was that her adult son testified in the divorce trial on my behalf about all the ex spent on his mother proving the dissipation of assets.

There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Mar 2004
♀ New Member
Member # 42229
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i did hate her, now i just feel sorry for her. every now and then i get irritated by her but she really is insecure and acting crazy. my thought on her is if she has a problem with her situation being in an OEA with someone who is thousands of miles away then maybe she should re-evaluate her life choices, cause my WH sure isn't giving a damn about her if he's talking to someone else already.

BS: 37
WS: 39
Kids: 3
Together: 19 years
OEA with at least 2 women in other states, now not speaking to one but the other one is lingering past her expiration date
D-Day 12-24-13
talking, working on relationship

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Oklahoma
♀ New Member
Member # 34811
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate? No. I Would like for her BS to know of the affair between my DH and herself. I truly think he has NO idea. She acts as though she's the perfect wife and mother to members of the community where she lives, which is the next town over from mine. Her daughters are honor students. The oldest a Senior this year and will be off to college in the fall. OW is the perfect little housewife & always volunteering. Right before I discovered the affair, she'd run up her BS credit card & maxed it out. AGAIN! He bailed her out twice before but the 3rd time made her get a job to pay off the credit cards. Well he was pissed when he found out abut this latest one! Little did he know about the 25K she'd run up on another card in her name but had that bill sent to her parents house.

This woman pretended to be MY friend! That's what really stung. She'd listen to me as I'd vent about DH...little did I know she was fucking him behind my back. Conniving little bitch. So, yeah I want to get EVEN!!!

EA began 3/10-12/11, PA 6/10-6/11
OW-former high school classmate also 48 at time of affair
Married since 5/15/99
D-day 12/20/11

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Ohio
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize now that I've never really hated anyone in my life, not really. I've changed my life to avoid people, I've rooted for dictators to fall or for bad guys to get convicted but never wanted so badly to see someone suffer like I would like to see OW suffer. A glimpse of WH and MOW burning in hell together would be priceless.

Posts: 623 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 22536
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont hate OW1 anymore and havent in a long time but I did hate OW2. For the longest time.. I hated the woman who helped destroy my life and almost my family. Up until very recently I hated her. I was at church and the pastor was talking about letting go and to forgive in order to break free from a prison of what ever hurt you and has been holding you back from receiving blessings and I decided to forgive and let go of the image that she was a bad person and nothing but a home wrecking bitch.
In reality she's now married and seems very happy and is actually a very good mother to 2 children and I pray nothing but blessings upon her and her family. Now, this does not mean I would go up to her and say hi OW2, how are you? Wanna grab a cup of coffee? Heck no, but if I ever run into her and she doesn't duck off somewhere I'm going to smile, nod and go about my day and not give one ounce of hatred or anything negative.. But that's just me

FBW/FWW me 27yrs old.
FWH/FBH him 31yrs old.
M- 11 years
Together 12 years
3 DS- 9 yrs, 2yrs,1 yr

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: from Texas but living in New Mexico
♀ Member
Member # 42210
Default  Posted: 3:57 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I curse her to be forever alone and burning with regret. I curse her to be unhappy and unfulfilled and that she feels 100x the pain I felt when I found out about the A every time she tries to be with a man or even when she tries to mother her bastard children. I hope it burns her up inside so she is a withered shell, hardly recognizable as human and that she is sick and putrid for the rest of her days. I curse her "relationship" with my stbxh that it die quickly and full of pain and agony and continual feelings of remorse for the pain caused to the innocents who were swept up in the unholy tsunami of their illicit and disgusting affair. I curse her to see only pain whenever she walks in the world, that it overshadows her every waking moment. I curse her sleeping moments to be full of the pain that I wake up with every night tenfold and I curse that she be rejected by everything that has any purity or value in this world and the next. I curse her to be regarded with contempt by her children and family and that they are filled with anger and resentment that she brought this wholly grotesque choice to ruin other peoples' lives and to lie with and indeed play house with a married man into the reality of their existence. May her insides rot and her teeth fall out and may she live for years in this state of agony.

[This message edited by griefandrelief at 4:04 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Love ... dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -Anais Nin
D-day 1/24/14. Divorcing. Moving forward in fits and starts.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: kansas
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With XSO there were so many, I'd have time to do nothing more than hate. I preferred to believe he was at fault more than they. However, there was one OW that I truly didn't care for. That's because she kept calling my house and office for years after things were over between X and me, apparently blaming me for the bust up of their luurve. Psycho bitch. I can feel sorry for her because she's obviously got a screw loose somewhere, but I still don't like her.

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7277 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
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