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User Topic: Do you hate the OW?
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but hating her will only eat me away inside. That whole thing about drinking poison and hoping the other person dies and all that....
I don't feel that way. I have hard time understanding how you feel that way, but if you say that is what it does to you, I will accept that. For me, that isn't how I work, I can "hate" and not have it eat at me because it doesn't consume me. If I happen to think of OW, then I hate, but it isn't like I sit here with a voodoo doll sticking pins in and making up potions and poisons and plans to do OW in. It isn't like I sit here feeding the hate. I am not drinking poison. I do hope OW dies, a horrible, lonely death. Soon. But, if it doesn't, who gives a damn.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose i do.

They both knew he was a married man.

Hate him about as often too.

They all knew they were screwing me over.

I pray I get to indifference someday. Lord, i pray for that.

Maybe when i get there, I can then pray for them.

Posts: 617 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♀ Member
Member # 40382
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I hate the OW, and I think of ways I could hurt her. I know if it wasn't! Her it would of been someone else because I am married to a cheater and a liar. I drove by her house a couple times, I wanted to confront her, send her a nasty letter or something. I bought at T shirt size 5x that I was going to send her. It has a big pig head on it and I want to say here ya go, you earned this! But I have not mailed it. It makes me sick to think about being so mean, I never knew I could feel this kind of rage and hate for another person. I see her picture up on internet she's still out there trolling for another married man. What is wrong with theses women?

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh how I wish I knew how to quote someone's post in my reply!

Sister - I don't do anything lightly or in passing...if I'm going to choose to hate OW, I'm going to do it with every fiber in my being and to the core of my soul. I don't want to waste energy on that.

In fact, I've I been resisting the urge to anonymously send her a gift card to the local grocery, because I'm sure it isn't easy for her right now with her husband gone and those three kids to feed....

Yeah...I don't know what my problem is either....seriously don't....

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is perfectly OK to hate the OW/OM they deserve it. Name calling is also OK too if it feels good to you. The day it doesn't is the day to stop it I guess.

They say the best way of dealing with it is to wish great things for the AP and your ex so that you are creating a positive energy which will manifest itself back to you in the same. Unfortunately I am not yet healed enough or saintly enough to achieve this.

Maybe one day Sir Shagalot and Lady Troll Face will receive my blessings. Meanwhile, they can both fuck off and YES I hate them.


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't stand ow but I can't say I hated her after the A. OW and WH made me thing their lives were in danger by ow's bs, he was abusive and threatening their lives if she left him. Supposedly he beat her up a few times at the end of her A. I felt bad for OW (once wh changed his mind and stayed with me and our family), I reached out to her to help her get away from her bs as long as she stayed away from my wh. I found out within the last 6 months that that all may have not been true, ow's bs was not threatening their lives and she was planning to leave her bs for my wh, and was quite mad when he changed his mind.

So I never really hated her since the A was over, during their A yes. She chose a favorite out of my 3 kids and had wh text her pics of him, it happened to be our bio son who looks just like wh and who my wh told all about my ppd that I had with him. That is what I hated about her and still do.

I honestly have hated my wh more often then ow.

BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
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Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate? I never in my life knew what hate was until my WH's A. It's scary - the depth of hatred one is capable of feeling. I have unbridled hatred for my MIL for aiding and abetting the A and of course the MOW for being a slut. I'd like to wring her chicken neck and knock her teeth down her throat. I don't hate my WH, I hate what he did, and I still have a whole lotta rage over what he did..

BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 91 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do. All of them. I'm working towards indifference. I think that will be a healthier place for me.

Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
― Ernest Hemingway

Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ New Member
Member # 41234
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is something that I've really struggled with. I KNOW that my husband, the man who made promises to me, should have told her to back off, but I still can't help hating her. She very actively pursued him at a very vulnerable spot in his life even after he told her no. I can't for the life of me understand how a woman with any morals or class puts her hand on somebody else's husband. Then again, I think it's just easier to be angry at her rather than someone I love so deeply.

I will say that my anger towards her has worn off. I remind myself of what kind of person she is. She doesn't deserve my thoughts or a second of my time. It doesn't matter if she "got away with it"...choosing to be the better person that I know I am and taking the high road. All that matters is my relationship with my husband.

ME: 30, WH: 30, Married: 12 years, 4 amazing kids
DD: Oct 2, 2013- 2 month EA/PA while deployed.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18

Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't hate her. I despise her. She's despicable and contemptible.

Eh, ok,, I hate her a little! She's hateful!

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 874 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 33617
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously have considered subscribing to an email alert service for obits. I think it would help me heal the way it did when she moved an hour away....thinking of her as dead until she really is. It's really quite the morbid thought though. Not sure I can follow through. But I'd like to.

I rarely think of her with any type of emotion these days. My focus, our focus, is on us and dealing with relationship, identity and truth triggers.

I am sure she is sleeping with someone else's husband by now anyways - that is what she wanted: my husband, my house, my lake house, my dog, and on and on...oh yeah my car. Such calculated cruelty still bewilders me.

So I try to think of her as dead (to me)...she does not deserve any space in my head.

Might edit the first part out if It offends anyone .....

The cruelest lies are often told in silence (RLS).
DD: December 24, 2010, when she called me from a pay phone pretending to be someone else.
Me: BS (53)Him: WS (56) OW: 63 yr old Husband hunting predatory whore

Posts: 372 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ Member
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes, I hate her. HATE HATE HATE. And I don't wish she were dead. That would be too easy. I spend time thinking of all the ways I could make her life miserable, the way she has made mine miserable. Thanks to the internet I have figured out who her family members are and I know many of her friends (because they are mutual friends). I think I could figure out where her house is (different state) and I fantasize about emailing her department list serve a public service announcement ("Hide your husbands") or maybe sneaking in a nasty slide about what a lowlife she is for sleeping with someone's husband into a presentation she is giving. In front of lots of people.

I also wish small karmic acts on her, like flat tires, long lines, bad hair days, dark undereye circles, weight gain, and acne. I hope she trips over her stupid dog on her next run and they BOTH break a leg (sorry dog). I hope this kind of shit keeps happening.

Thank goodness I haven't done any of these things. I'm waaay above that. But, not above thinking about it.

"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
♀ Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate the OW the very core of my soul and I don't feel bad about it. Well obviously she didn't respect boundaries when she made a move on my WH and she knew he was married with 2 kids ( my son and my stepdaughter from WH's previous relationship). The most fucked up thing she did to me was the collage of their pics including MY son and dogs( I mentioned this before in my previous posts). Who does that shit? She sent clothes for my son, calls my son "MY (my son's name) on one of her FB posts. WTF... I will punch her right in the throat when I see her. What a delusional, crazy bitch.

Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
♀ Member
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I hate her deeply and permanently. She knew what she was doing and thought it through. I will never forgive her. I hope she is in agony with shame and regret.

Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a time where I was thinking "how can I hate her and love my fWS?" so I tried my hardest to feel sympathy for her and not hatred.

But I'm back to hate. I hate her soon-to-be-former spouse too. They were swingers then had an open marriage. So her spouse knew about fWS the minute she started up with him and was ok with it because he was doing the exact thing. She lied to fWS. Made herself into something she wasn't to attract him. And her spouse knew fWS was married and didn't give two iotas about me and my kids either. NONE of them did! It just boggles my mind that fWS was just a number on a list of men the OW was screwing in her marriage. And told my fWS that she had never done anything like *this* before and he was special and she couldn't help herself....she was drawn to him...blah blah blah. Made him feel special, invincible, unique. Who wouldn't feel something for someone that made them feel that way?

Don't get me wrong, I know what my fWS is responsible for and I know what he has shown me to make me feel safe again and how much frustration and hatred he has of himself because of what he did and what he did to me and his family. But I hate her for the game she played within her marriage and how she just non-chalantly made fWS a part of it.

[This message edited by niaveone at 12:39 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 256 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not really...intend to spend my time healing.I hate to waste my efforts on some sleazy bitch whore who has major problems with sex. Thank you dear god for helping me say that!!!

" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
♀ Member
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I do hate the prostitutes. I hate that they exist. I hate that men go to them. The whole situation is so pathetic.

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40710
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes.....I absolutely hate her. I had her in my home....we invited her to bbq's....she came to thanksgiving. She knew I loved my husband, and yet that did not stop her. I hope she misses my husband everyday and cries her eyes out for him....and then I hope she gets married one day and trusts her man and then he proceeds to fuck everything that moves.....that would be awesome!


two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore's going well (so far)

Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I hate her deeply and permanently. She knew what she was doing and thought it through. I will never forgive her. I hope she is in agony with shame and regret.

Exactly and if I could get away it, I would gut her ass like a fish.

There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 560 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ bad medicine...Ditto!!!!
I thought I wrote your post..... I feel exactly like you...

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
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