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User Topic: Do you hate the OW?
AmberDust
♀ Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I hate her. While she knew he was in a relationship she actively tried to get him to leave his family, tried to cause fights between H and me, and didn't care one bit what the effect on the kids would be.

Now that she knows he is trying to R, she is still (a year!) sending social media messages that she still wants him and is waiting for him. He is not interested and doesn't even know she does it- I read it occasionally.

So, yes, while I know H is accountable for his actions, I still hate her for still trying to destroy our family for her own benefit, for not backing out and leaving us alone, and still being completely selfish.


Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. I'm angry, and very disappointed, but I don't hate the OM. Initially I didn't think he was worth my time to hate. I'd much rather focus on my marriage and my future.

Now that the first pain has passed, I actually have some empathy towards him and just how broken he was. I haven't forgiven him, but when necessary we can share social space.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 302 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also a OW hater. She continued trying to reestablish contact for over a year following D-Day. It took hiring a lawyer to send her a warning to make it stop.

My FWH wasn't her first. She's been doing online hookups for years. This whore is toxic.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1052 | Registered: Mar 2012
Katz13
♀ Member
Member # 41886
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amber dust, I totally relate to your post. I so want to go onto her FB page and let her friends and family know what she is truly like. I dream about sending her a message threatening to do it, just to make her squirm. She continues to put pictures of herself on FB and people make nice comments. If they only knew.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think of the OW as often as I did right after Dday, but when I do, the hatred and contempt are still there. I try not to dwell on it because it's unproductive.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have pity for OW and think she is dumb as a post. She's planning a life with a known cheater, liar and thief-a real life con artist.

God bless her, the large thing, she can have him.

Just send the money here and don't be late!!!


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2302 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
StruckNumb
♀ Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I do, then sometimes I think of her and realize how truly pathetic and ugly inside she really brought herself down to. More than just my husband, other husbands too over the years. She has on the outside what looks like a great life but she's such a loser all around in relations with those of her own gender. She has severe mental issues and little insight. Living a desperate inauthentic life trying to plug her holes with whatever she can steal..seeing this I mostly have come to pity her.

I am so eternally grateful not to be like her.


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
totallyconfused1
♀ Member
Member # 42030
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not really. I think because it hadn't gone on long and was a one time thing that wasn't sex(or so they both say) and she seemed genuinely remorseful when I confronted her. Said how selfish she was and wasn't thinking of how her actions would hurt someone else, told me she would never contact my ws again.

She texted me the next day and said again she was sorry and hoped one day I would forgive her. Said my ws was lucky to have a strong woman like me and she knew it would be a long road but hoped we would be able to work it out. Was definitely weird and not what I expected .....

Of course, if I ever find out differently, I will go back to hate. But at this time I don't feel her as a threat, so maybe that's why I don't hate her with a passion.

Subject to change on a daily basis though.


Me - BS
Him - WS
DD Jan 8 2014

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jan 2014
memarybe
♀ New Member
Member # 41687
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate her with all my being. The collateral damage she has left behind will haunt both myself and my family for years too come. Every decision that i will make moving forward will change my family dynamics, because of her bad behavior and choices. She rode off into the sun set and now I am left to dust off and pick up the pieces. I never thought I was capable of such malice towards another human being whom I have never met.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: midwest
Katz13
♀ Member
Member # 41886
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StruckNumb,
Thanks for these words:
Living a desperate inauthentic life trying to plug her holes with whatever she can steal..seeing this I mostly have come to pity her.

It helped me today. I wish I could tell her your words.


Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate is not a strong enough word!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
lost1127
♀ New Member
Member # 41354
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, you betcha I hate the OW. The problem is, all the rage I feel ends up likely hurting me as there are times I am literally shaking with anger. Still, can't help it. I'm only approx 5 months from D-day (depending WHICH D-day, as a victim of trickle truth) and I am hoping in time I feel nothing for her. THAT will be healing, I hope!

Hmmm. Maybe it will help me if I say this here -- I've never written it for ANYONE to see (well, I have, on her FB page, which the attention whore keeps largely public, but I always delete before publishing:)

She is a disgusting, dirty, pill-popping, booze-swilling, pot-smoking, weedy eyebrowed, warty-faced, bloated, unshowered, chubby little troll. Who can "flirt" but, understand, she's "just doing her job?" (Since when is "flirting" a job requirement?!) A nasty slutty, whore.

Can't wait to see this in print when I hit "Submit."

[This message edited by lost1127 at 4:21 AM, February 4th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 4 | Registered: Nov 2013
jstbreathe
♀ Member
Member # 40829
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lost1127)))

That about sums it up!!


The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool.
Stephen King
Me: BW
Him: WH
Married: 18 years
2 sons, 11&15
Trying to R

Posts: 152 | Registered: Sep 2013
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much so that I gave her the best revenge possible, my WH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now they are getting what they deserve, a life of misery


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
ladycody
♀ Member
Member # 41401
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No...I can''''t put the energy into it. While I have ZERO respect for her and will never ''''like'''' her...I can''''t care enough to hate her. I want nothing to do with her...but hate is a big word in my world and requires some effort. My husband was the one who broke a commitment to me...and he has been the one that has sucked the life and breath out of me through anger and hurt and an almost constant overwhelming sadness. I can''''t be bothered with giving that sad excuse of a woman any of my time and energy. Having said that, I will avoid her as much as possible quite simply because I dont want the visual reminder of what transpired between them physically...and the pictures pop into my head pretty easily at this point.

[This message edited by ladycody at 7:02 AM, February 4th, 2014 (Tuesday)]


Me 47
WS 41
M=16 years

Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to hate the MOW, now it has turned to disgust and dislike. Oh and a little disrespect too!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand hating her, and I understand not wanting to hate her. It violates something inside of me to wish harm to another person. I have felt an enormous range of emotions towards her, from hate to compassion to pity to pure contempt. Then one day I just realized I was behaving as though I actually had a relationship with her. I don't even know her, why do I have any feelings at all about her? Why am I investing so much emotion and energy into this 'relationship'? She is nothing to me. Nothing and no one. If she died, I would not care. If she overcomes the desperate, pitiable cycle of her own life, I will be shocked. I've 'cut her loose'. It feels so much better.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 117
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