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User Topic: Hun, why no pics of me on your FB?
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few days ago I posted a thread on how much I hated my WWF's iphone because of how I should have known she was cheating based on how she locked it, had it on silent, and never let it out of her sight. Not to mention her fucking face buried in it on facebook. It was a nice vent thread. I HATE her iphone! Sign number 1 of a cheating spouse is their phone etiquette.

Today im posting about FB. The second most thing I hate. My wife stopped posting pictures of me when she started her affair. We had gone to Miami, Georgia, and so on. She would only post pics of her and our son. And her comments would never mention me.

Between her fucking I phone and her FB account, I should have known! I hate myself for not acting on my instinct.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not your fault for trusting. When we get married, a cheating spouse is not something you usually have to think about. We always seem to give the benefit of the doubt. I agree about the phone though. My ws flipped his over at night, had it on silent, and slept with it only inches away from his face. He never left it on a table or anywhere. It went to the bathroom with him even.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4935 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate myself for not acting on my instinct.

Bro - nothing changes if you had. One should never be put in the position of having to rely on instinct and intuition to figure out if their relationship is safe. Trust is a strong blinder.

I eventually had to resort to a GPS tracking device. The moment I had to place that I was well aware my M was in trouble and my life was about to change.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9176 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
RealityStinks
♂ Member
Member # 41457
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PRNDL -
I read the iPhone post too. I agree with you that a WS's phone usage habits seem to be the #1 indicator that something is up. It seems everyone's first post in the JFO thread has something in it about "WS was texting alot" or "WS locked their phone" or "WS never let their phone out of their site". It happened to me too.

I also agree with you on FB. Based on phone records, my WW started talking to the OM on a regular basis at the beginning on February 2013. They were both involved in a leadership development activity at the time and part of that program was a trip to our state's capital to learn the ins and outs of state government. This trip was mid March when the texting/talking had gotten hot and heavy. Well, while on that trip she changed her profile picture to one of just her. That was the first profile picture she had that didn't include me since she started FB just after in came out (you still had to have a .edu email to join when we started). It struck me as odd, but I just let it go. It makes perfect sense now though.

I'm with you that I hate cell phones and Facebook, but then again I don't. I have both, but I'm not unfaithful. They make it easier, but people have been cheating long before cell phones or Facebook.

I enjoy having the ability to call someone whenever I want. I also like seeing what my friends are up to (the 10 or so close ones, not so much the 100's of other "friends") on Facebook.

I guess I've come to the realization that it's not the phone's or Facebook's fault that she cheated. It's also not entirely the OM's fault either. She CHOSE to cheat. It's all on her.

That said, I certainly hear where you're coming from.

Hang in there man!


Posts: 414 | Registered: Nov 2013
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be too hard on yourself. I actually took my H's phone to him... see it was a work phone and he was doing yard work. He was on a big project at work with new labs, etc. so when "chemistry" called that Saturday, I ran his phone to him for that *important* call. Pretty clever having the OW listed as *chemistry*

The OW also used the "You have no pics of your wife in your office..." as reasoning to convince him that his M was really shit... <sigh>


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6264 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't blame yourself for not knowing. I knew something was wrong and my WH even left his phone when he showered and such but I was too stupid to look.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1663 | Registered: Jun 2009
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mate, I feel for you.
WSO first contact with OM was on Facebook. She not only stopped posting pics of me, she posted pics of her with OM having fun whilst she was an vacation without me, which is when the As happened. That's right, not just one OM, but two. Plastered pics of herself with them all over her FB, for all our families and friends to see.

When she came home after her two week vacation, I asked her point blank if she cheated on me. "We only kissed" was her answer. "We're just friends" was another. I believed her. 3 years later I discovered that it was fucking and blow jobs day after day, with multiple guys, no condoms etc. Also, a continued EA throughout that time, with her trying to arrange to meet with him again one day, as he lived on the other side of the world.

So yeah, FUCK FB...


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
Kitty70
♀ Member
Member # 41939
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never had the facebook love from my love. The entire duration of our relationship he never ever once posted a picture of me or the two of us. In the last few years he also changed his profile picture of things other than him. He never wanted to be 'found' on FB.

It was always suspicious to me and always thought that he wanted to hide me or hide from other women. Turns out I was right on both counts. Just tells me he must have been cheating the entire time we've both been on FB since around 2009.

4 days after I broke up with him he finally decided it was the right time to post pics of us together. Go figure. Guilt talking I suppose. So yes, I hate FB. And I hate the phone. It never left his side from the day I met him.

[This message edited by Kitty70 at 9:38 PM, January 19th (Sunday)]


Me: BGF, 43
Him: WBF, 35
Together 9 years, moved in 8/15/2013

Posts: 98 | Registered: Jan 2014
cardnial
♀ Member
Member # 40382
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, January 19th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well what do you do when they have email accounts under fake names and prepaid cell phones they hide in the truck. The level of deception is shocking! I used to just have a weird feeling and check his email and cell but of course never found anything. One day he forgot to log out of the fake name acct. and I thought who is this guy. I thought I had somehow gotten some guys emails by mistake. As I read on I see my name , I had a broken ankle which they discussed. She said she was going to the golf course to give him a BJ. he golfs with really good guys so he had them fooled as well. After I threw him out I then told everyone what a good man he was not. he had so many people fooled into his good husband image. We are in R but it's very uncertain. I have no idea what he does and I don't even know where I would look to find out. He is an old man 68, looks bad and is deaf, Huge glasses, still she was 42. Does it ever STOP???

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jeeez JESU, im sorry about how bad your wife embarrassed you.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Facebook is forbidden in my home and for the exact same reason that you are talking about. If I see a facebook anything on my wife's phone I am done. That is one of my conditions and I'm steadfast.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 589 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ws just got an iphone..already irritating the hell out of me. He can't keep his face out of it but NOW he has,a reason..he plays all of these cool games now. Hey whatever
I agree, phone was a big red flag, still is


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4935 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cheating goes way back. Probably just as long as the institution of M has. So its not FB, cell phones, text, e-mails, letters, photos, paintings etc. etc. etc. Its the people we chose to M. They are morally retarded and have only their own selfish desires in mind. Don't blame inanimate objects or even the POS OP. Put the blame squarely where it belongs. Right on the shoulders of your WS.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5615 | Registered: Nov 2007
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trigger post.

phone was a huge signal. and when a mutual friend said to me days (okay christmas eve- the day) before that we reallyneed to get mr. oai off his phone.... i should have known.

wh carries work and personal smartphones. i now have complete access to them, but they still trigger me.

wh keeps his fb devoid of pix of himself and us. just inanimate objects and the kids. it still triggers me.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
totallyconfused1
♀ Member
Member # 42030
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS doesn't have FB, just I do, but I rarely go on it. I hate it.

I don't think FB makes you cheat (hey, my ws didn't have it), but I think it makes it easier to put yourself out there to everyone. kwim?

I have a friend who is going through some shit with her dh (she had a ONS that he doesn't know about) and I notice her fb posts and her pics she puts up are changing - like she's trying to be sexier, prettier. And the comments from others. Seems like she's doing it to get the attention. I don't know. But I raise my eyebrows almost daily at her shit on there.


Me - BS
Him - WS
DD Jan 8 2014

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jan 2014
Gman1
♂ Member
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the same scenario with my WW. Why I never picked up on the signs when they were right in front of my face I will never know. I guess it was blind trust. She would never allow her phone to be more than an arms reach away at any time and never left it out on the table where I could see it. And her A started as an EA via FB as well and turned into a PA later. Sometimes I hate technology and I often cringe even today when I see her on her phone or hear a new text come to her phone. Ironically, we went to a couples marital retreat about five years ago (Pre-A) and the main speaker opened the weekend program by saying very matter of factly "Facebook is the single most dangerous threat to marriages today!" I wish she had taken that to heart. And I wish I had been more on my toes as the red flags were going off like bottle rockets all around me and yet I still chose to blindly trust her.

Posts: 206 | Registered: Oct 2013
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prndl I hear you.. Same thing was happening with WH.....

Even to the point that we were at a function with one child and I said let me take the puc(him and daughter) and he preferred to load "selfies". I even tagged him in a post in a puc and he deleted it. That was about the tiime I became very very observant of his actions.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Emptyshelldad
♂ Member
Member # 32292
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep same scenario for my cheater. She got back in touch via Facebook and then full blown ea and pa developed very quickly.

No pics of me on. Facebook but she would have me take the same pics of her and everybody I'm same pose again only since I was holding the camera, I wouldn't be in them. These always made it onto Facebook. But none with me,,,,,ever. She was smart enough to always have her sister or someone take the first pic the. Tell me to take the next one so her sister could be in one too.

Wow I was a dumb a$$. Looking back I know exactly how you all feel. I get sooooo enraged when she says "I was stupid, or I am stupid" to explain why she did it. Because I tell her, " no way, don't ever ever say that to me.....because I'm very smart, and for you to fool me as completely as you did, and be stupid, means that I am less than stupid, and that I won't stand for".

She is super super remorseful still but we split as the level of betrayals was just too sociopathic for me to continue being with her.


Me: BH - 28, Her: WW - 31, 10 years, 5 months, 6 days.
2 beautiful daughters. 1 devious, deceitful, serpant-like liar of a wife.
"oh god this has brought a path of destruction and scorching pain leaving in its wake a charred wasteland of a onc

Posts: 149 | Registered: May 2011 | From: emptyshelldad
Topic Posts: 18

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