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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just saw xAP
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Driving through town. First sighting in 4-5 months. Three seconds, then gone. Poof!

A beautiful winter sunset is painting the sky. My sweet wife just got a text from a man who loves her, a man she didn't give up on. And now I'm picking up our darling daughter, who always twinkles when she sees me. And in a few minutes we'll pull into our driveway where big brother awaits.

A bit later, a car will appear in our driveway. And a tall sexy drink of cool cool water who loves me will get out. She lights up our doorway when she arrives, all heart and sweetness and light. Like a piece of tonight's sunset broke off and followed her in. She's like that. My soulmate.

The tears at the edges of my eyes, they're for those I love. And those who love me. They're for those I betrayed. And those I'm so very lucky to have in my life.

Those tears are for what is real...and true...and beautiful in my life. Becoming authentic feels so very good. Not easy. Not painless. It's a kind of good I've never known.

I'm off to love and hug my family. They deserve my very best. I hope you'll do the same with yours if given a chance.

JD

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 4:33 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JD -

I have tears in my eyes reading this. I just wish my WH was at this stage. Not sure he is.

Best to you and your "cool cool drink of water" on this journey.


BS (me) - early 50's
WH (him)- mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling. Still waiting for a timeline.

Married 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day


Posts: 197 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was beautiful, JD. I am so happy for you, your wife and your littles.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful. It made me cry! I thought I was all out of tears.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
nevergiveup10
♂ Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get a taste of that sometimes now and it reminds me what I'm fighting for. Beautiful


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may not want to answer this, JD, and I hope I am not out of line, but what did you think or feel when you saw xAP?


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
lost_in_toronto
♀ Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Thanks for sharing, that was really amazing.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks JD. I read some of your stuff.

My H has been learning, Sirens by Pearl Jam where he (presumably Eddie Vedder) is singing about his wife and kids and how fragile life is.

Your post reminded me of that.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the replies. On top of it all my cool drink of water strolled through the door with some great Chinese take out. What a night!

@SisterMilkshake:
The sighting wasn't the 220v electric jolt of the past (before my NC break which brought me to SI). And it didn't trigger anger and resentment that has accompanied my xAP inner conflict in the past, as any of you who remember my first post can attest to.

It was more like "Oh, there's that car. And xAP inside. Green light, turn, and gone. It was about a three second "incident".

The car disappeared. And my mind went to my BW as I looked at the sky and noticed how pretty it was. I hopped into my car (I had been outside a coffee shop), and my daughter's day care was in the opposite direction. Perfect. I drove off, figuratively and I guess metaphorically, away from my poor choices and toward the life I'm lucky enough to still have. I can thank the forgiveness and belief of one girl who wouldn't give up on me for that.

I posted this thread in my daughter's day care parking lot before strolling in to a big hug. Her hand in mine felt awesome as we headed out the door.

I'm thinking indifference is somewhere on that horizon, and it's getting closer every day. Thanks to this place, and the people of this place, for much of that guidance and help.

JD


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have come a long way JD, its good to see

I totally understand the warmth you feel when you see your BS pull in the driveway, it is a wonderful, amazing and greatful feeling every single time.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 431 | Registered: Dec 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 11

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