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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just finished "I don't want to talk about it" by Terrence Real
Prayingforhope
♂ Member
Member # 41801
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This book is amazing and has been, for the past 2 months, the cornerstone of me starting the process to understand the "reason why".

I was in an LTA for 6 years to a woman I didn't care about, lying to and betraying on a regular basis the woman I love, the woman I swore my life to. Needless to say, I have some issues. My A was not, as my BS likes to say, a "whoops, I had a ONS" situation.

After hearing my story in MC and IC BOTH therapists asked me to read the book and I'm glad I did. My problems are real, they're no longer a mystery and I'm not alone in trying to get mental health.

And the most hopeful part? Men with much worse stories than mine have faced down their "why" and come our stronger and saner on the other side.

I can do this....


WH 41
BS 40
D-Day Oct 28th, 2013
Together 18 years
Three amazing boys 12, 9 & 6
Praying for hope daily

Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2013
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never heard of that book. Would you mind giving a little detail on it? Who is it geared towards, etc?

Thanks, and I'm really happy to read that you really learned a lot from this book. That's really a great feeling, isn't it?


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Prayingforhope
♂ Member
Member # 41801
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi painfulpast, the book us about undiagnosed male depression and the trauma it causes in men and the people that care about them.

The book is primarily focused on men, like me, trying to understand if underlying emotional trauma was a component of why they had an A (or drink, or work themselves to death, or do drugs, etc).

The MC said as many wives read it as well for the insight it provides into the very same question "why did he do this to me?".

Hope this helps.


WH 41
BS 40
D-Day Oct 28th, 2013
Together 18 years
Three amazing boys 12, 9 & 6
Praying for hope daily

Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2013
HormonalWoman
♀ Member
Member # 29265
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds an interesting book. My wh said afterward his A he feels he was depressed for a long time but just didn't realise. I may have to suggest it, although he finds those kinds of books hard going and takes aggeees to read them.


Together 13 yrs
BW - Me
WH - Him
3 Children
DD 20th June 2010 actual affair was early 2008 for roughly 10 wks.

Posts: 244 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just ordered both books by Terrence Real for WH and myself. "I don't want to talk about it" and How Can I Get Through to You?.

I think he was depressed before and during his A. I'm hoping this will help us both.

Thank you for the recommendation.

3k30y


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
8/14 - I may be done, we will see
9/14 - getting better. Damn!


Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Prayingforhope - that helps a lot. I'm going to get that book. I think it might give me the insight your IC mentioned.

Thanks again!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 6

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