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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: habits, routines
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've had this clock on our wall in our house and I took it down yesterday because we're moving and packing stuff up. From the minute I took it down I can't count the number of times I've looked at that spot on the wall to check the time. Literally probably 100 times yesterday and already about 5 times since I woke up half an hour ago.

It occurred to me how we get conditioned to do certain things, how habits develop and how we become creatures of routine.

I thought about how, as waywards, we get into habits and thought processes and by the time we realize we need to stop, they become part of us and the stopping becomes very difficult. Whether our intentions are truly to stop it, or we're wishy washy about it, breaking that routine is not easy.

My EA began on an online support site (not this one). My routine was to get home from my morning job and call OM most afternoons. When we decided to stop it, those afternoons became very difficult for me. All my routines became very tough because OM was cut from them. That was the beginning of my journey and it got worse after that (it's in my profile), but I think at that point if I knew what I know now I would have realized what I should have done differently.

I was in IC but that didn't work because I didn't listen to her. I still had my own internal agenda (reckless, 'happiness' at all costs, selfishness). I wish I had SI at that point.

So, if you're struggling and you can't seem to shake it (I remember that feeling of hopelessness), think about how conditioned you have become to do certain things, think a certain way, and explore what you can do to change it, to fix you. Try to think outside the box and make yourself believe that you really aren't stuck in concrete the way it is now. You have the power to move forward in positive ways.

(Now, if I could only stop looking at that damn empty spot on the wall!)


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow how spot on you are. Its so true, I think that's where I am at, I am fighting, to break my habit of downing myself and the helpless hopeless feeling, and not standing up or growing.

All these years of thinking and feeling and acting, to change in 14 months, who is a person fooling. I revert to old feelings and thoughts, the good thing is I am aware now, and I want different.

What I am finding though is the winter is long and, I have choosen to put my family first, so the long days by myself , are the hardest. Both kids in school now. To take on more projects to fill my day or a job or volunteer would add more stress to our family. My BH works away from home , so a lot of days its me and the kids.

I know when looking at my affairs, my stress level was extremely high, and when I get stress or anxiety, I add more projects. hmmm So I know I am feeling a lot of anxiety and stress and want to do something different or change something so I can redirect my focus, the problem is, its my way of escaping. And it also adds to the stress and anxiety and takes even more time and energy from my H , children and me. Its such a balancing act.

The good part I see it. The bad part, I find my self searching for new ideas to entertain myself.

I have a hard time living in the now and being content.
Bad habit.

Anyways, this post is something that just came in line with my own thoughts this morning.

Thanks AN


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, January 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad the post helped you see something helpful. I agree that being aware, and wanting to change for the better, are huge. Keep at it, Joan. You're getting there .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 4:09 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Such a wonderful post, and so true! It's all about building healthier habits.

Sometimes the trouble can be identifying the healthy habit you want to build, as well as the struggle itself to learn it and practice it until it sticks. That can be the hard thing with breaking unhealthy habits - not having a clear picture of the healthy one that will be replacing it.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3911 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
watersofavalon
♀ Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 4:36 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting topic.

I have read so many things on here that WS say about themselves and i can't but help thinking 'there but for the grace of God...'. I have many things to fix too.

When I was at university I would be beavering away writing an essay and listening to music. My music of choice tended to be classical symphonies or similar long pieced with lots of changes in pace and mood. When I reached a certain point i would reach for a cigarette, every time. Cooking a meal I tend to pour a glass of wine. So easy to establish, without thinking, so hard to break.


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, January 17th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes the trouble can be identifying the healthy habit you want to build, as well as the struggle itself to learn it and practice it until it sticks. That can be the hard thing with breaking unhealthy habits - not having a clear picture of the healthy one that will be replacing it.
That was exactly the part of the lesson that I missed at the time! You can change your habit but you have to do the proper work to figure out the healthy replacement!

I'm still looking at the empty place on the wall, btw, and it's been 3 days since the clock came down.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38203 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 6

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