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User Topic: Dating too soon, maybe just as friends first?
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a bit of a dilemma.

I read the article on dating too soon posted here and it hit home.

Article at http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=518573

I'd like to ask a question of those who have dated right away.

My WW was the first woman I had anything serious with, and she has been the only woman of my life sexually speaking.

Anyway, I met someone after making a profile on match to "window shop" (no picture, just a good description of me and what I'm about). She contacted me saying that she thought I had some pros and cons. She's someone who's looking for a permanent life partner; she's aware that I may not be ready as I clearly listed separated and that I wanted friendship first. She likes everything else. I answered explaining my situation honestly, she even knows I'm in IC (she was as well during her situation, so she "gets" it). Full honesty is the only way I'll deal with anyone. I think it may not bring you a lot of dates, but it brings you the right ones.

Us men (particularly not very attractive men, like me), have it difficult. The default for women is to say "no". What if nobody else comes along? What if nothing this good happens to me ever again? A good, beautiful woman completely out of my league is actually interested in me.

We've been emailing. A lot. We have talked on the phone a couple of times - hour+long conversations. She's was a BS, tried R, had a second D-Day and finally D was final a year ago. She's done everything right, worked on herself and knows what I'm going through.

Bottom line, we like each other. Well, I like her for sure, she's really intrigued by me (she's seen pictures of me too and has flirted since, so that's a very good sign), and is being alternatively flirty and cautious, but open to my advances. She said she'll wait for me to be ready to sweep her off her feet. Her worries are mostly a lack of chemistry once we meet and whether I'm ready.

It's really helping me not be so depressed and have something to look forward to - I feel I got all my old optimism back (I'm a silver lining kind of guy), it's helping me go through the D with my Lawyer and fill papers without remorse or second thoughts (anyone who has read my posts knows D is a certainty in my case, and R was tried and failed miserably twice in a very short period of time due to WW's near-complete lack of remorse), but indeed when alone I am not thinking about myself or my own healing anymore (scheduling that - that has got to change!!).

I've been having a lot of work, so work and emailing back and forth with her has really helped me keep my mind off things but now that it's a bit more quiet, I'm panicking a little bit.

I'm very confident that we can make it work, but of course there's red flags. My worries are:

- What if my first relationship after D is a "transitional person"? This woman is too good to be a transitional person, she doesn't deserve me not being at my best mentally and spiritually before we start a relationship.
- On the other hand, I'm not the type that pursues women "for fun", so I don't know that I fit this "transitional person" mold at all. I'm different than most men (sorry guys) - I don't flirt with someone I don't intend to be serious with. It just doesn't feel right by my moral code.
- We live in the same town. My S just happened, D is still in early stages. If we start going out even as friends, WW could easily lie and say I'm a WS and get away with it. And I don't want to damage her reputation.
- I'm sooo nervous about screwing up the first date, which we don't have and haven't scheduled. I don't want to rush, but I know that it won't be long before she is approached by someone she deserves.
- I have told her it would be my loss and someone else's enormous gain if she found someone before I was ready. I wish her the best even without me and I mean it, but I also fear it.
- I've searched myself, and this is not fear of being alone. If I hadn't found her, I'd be totally ok with being alone (I'm rather enjoying it so far).

I *think* she understands all this (I'm not bringing it up because I don't want to seem needy), and that's why she is taking it slow and being patient. I'm nervous of screwing this up, and I'm nervous of letting go of something wonderful.

Would it be ok to just go out for coffee as friends? Or have we already in our minds crossed a boundary that makes even friendship impossible (nothing beyond very innocent flirting has happened, no sexual innuendo of any kind, etc)?
I'm very sorry if it's too basic of a question, but as I mentioned, I have very little experience with this.


Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love and fate even after what happened. It's just the kind of person I am.

Anyway, I truly respect the SI wisdom, so let me know what you think. If someone has dated someone nice right after (whether you were successful or not), I'd love to hear your input.

(Edited to add the article link)

[This message edited by GotPlayed at 6:35 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 571 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if nobody else comes along? What if nothing this good happens to me ever again?

This is fear talking. You can't go into a relationship because you fear no one else will come along.

She said she'll wait for me to be ready to sweep her off her feet.

This seems a bit over the top to me from someone. Sounds a bit immature.

It's really helping me not be so depressed and have something to look forward to - I feel I got all my old optimism back (I'm a silver lining kind of guy), it's helping me go through the D with my Lawyer and fill papers without remorse or second thoughts

This sounds like you are using this relationship to help you through the D process. Is that really how you want to start out?

but indeed when alone I am not thinking about myself or my own healing anymore (scheduling that - that has got to change!!)

How will this look if you are already in a relationship? You will be balancing your healing with the feelings of another person. Hard to concentrate on yourself when you have someone else in the mix.

I *think* she understands all this (I'm not bringing it up because I don't want to seem needy), and that's why she is taking it slow and being patient. I'm nervous of screwing this up, and I'm nervous of letting go of something wonderful.

You don't want to seem needy, but you are in fact, needy, hurt and in need of some time to recover.

The fact that you live in the same small town would make everything more difficult if the wheels fall off on this relationship.

My advice is to keep it VERY light for now and not push for any kind of face-to-face contact. If she finds someone else, then it was not meant to be.

Sending strength and peace.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7644 | Registered: Aug 2005
cayc
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Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Setting aside the fact that everyone here is going to tell you "noooooo, stop!!!! stand down!!!" and explain why ...

I think you are a bonder and you are naturally inclined to go big, go deep with people (not just dates, you strike me as this way in general, very open, giving and energetic). So from that perspective, talking with this woman and wanting to see her is normal and natural for you and it's why it feels comfortable for you. This is your default value with people.

The caveat is that:

It's really helping me not be so depressed and have something to look forward to

That is all you. You are using her to fill a hole. That's the kind of thing that gets people hurt, both you and her. You may feel like you are S on the way to D and singing happy songs about it and puzzle pieces are falling into place. But sweetheart, there are going to be bumps and detours, even for a positive guy like yourself. Don't make this woman a victim of that. Keep it light, casual, friend-zoned, whatever. But if you let it turn romantic/sexual too soon, you are going to hurt her. Somehow, some way you will. Don't be that guy.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's very hard to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex when one or both of you wants more. I'm 2+ years into a relationship with my D-pending "just a friend." I don't regret not dating around, but it was such a brief window of time where I only had to worry about what made me happy, and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever figure that out now.

If you aren't sure you are ready to date, I would suggest you forego dating websites and new female friendships for a spell.


Posts: 3256 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This: D-Day: 11/5/2013 plus a quick slide into S/D and now a "friendship" tells me you are not allowing yourself to feel any of the pain and growth necessary for true healing.

These emotions tend to come out bigger and stronger if swept under the rug.

Rebound relationships suck. JMO, but I've BTDT.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
BrokenDaisy
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Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

f someone has dated someone nice right after (whether you were successful or not), I'd love to hear your input.

I did. And for a long time I would've told you it was the best thing I ever did. Turns out: not so much, not at all!

I'm also the fiercely loyal type and the type that can't flirt for fun or kiss for fun or do the FWB thing. Nothing religious, I'm just not put together that way. I need to feel a connection with someone and trust someone and know someone. Both men I've been with turned out to be complete *insert choice of insult* though so I've obviously got an extremely bad picker. Very very bad picker.

Before xwh I had a very serious LTR. It started off good but like with all abusive relationships got ugly fast. I broke up with him and very very soon after that started dating my now xwh. I was in heaven. We were lifelong friends, I thought we were the perfect couple. Who better than someone I've literally known my whole life! I felt so safe. Thought we had the perfect foundation of decades of friendship. Fell head over heals and got married 2 years later. And really it seemed perfect up until dday I would've told you I was the luckiest woman on earth I would've probably written something very similar to what you did, just with more positives and good reasons xwh and I were the "perfect" match because he wasn't a stranger. I also thought I went into it open mindedly. I communicated exactly what I needed in a relationship and what I won't tolerate after what I went through. You know what? Xwh was amazing at talking. Nothing ever happened in actions though and because we talked so much I somehow never realized I was the only one doing the work. Because I never sorted out my issues I internalized all his issues and didn't see it for what it was until it was too late. You aren't capable of a healthy relationship when you're still broken from the previous one. I filled a hole and I never worked on myself after my first relationship. Even though I thought I did. Worst mistake of my life. It made me extremely vulnerable to a very broken, very dangerous man.

It's not very easy to see the flaws in your picker or psyche or to heal properly or grow from your experience if you're invested in someone new so soon. You also can't see the other person clearly if you're not healed. If I did do the work I would've seen the million red flags waving in my face and saved me a world of hurt and trauma. It's the biggest regret of my life. I was clever enough to escape an abusive relationship but not clever enough to take the time to heal from it and it came back to bite me in the a$$ in a really bad way.

Please slow down. Don't date. Seriously, it is too soon. Odds are against you. That's the unfortunate truth. I know it feels awesome but there isn't any shortcuts with these types of things. Shortcuts very rarely work out. You're barely out from dday, not even divorced yet. It's too soon imo. Give yourself some more time. Get off match. You're going to either hurt yourself or hurt someone else. The only short cut to happiness is through all this mess. Do the work first. You'll be happy you did. Good luck

[This message edited by BrokenDaisy at 3:12 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 241 | Registered: Oct 2012
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's very frequent that people date too soon, realize it, lick their wounds, and learn their lesson. Many of us have done it. Frequently someone gets hurt in the process (I was on the receiving end of a guy who wasn't ready to date -- he also set his healing back by realizing that he hurt me.) I realize that you're probably going to date this woman no matter what we say here, so I'll try to keep this brief.

Your message is full of red flags -- full of them. You're confident you can make this work when you haven't even met yet? You keep talking about how she's out of your league? It sounds like you think you love her and you see a future together but you haven't even met yet!

If you've been honest with her (I'm confused -- some times it sounds like you did, but then elsewhere it sounds like you don't want to scare her?) and she knows how close your D-Day is, how you've barely scratched the surface of healing, and she's still willing to go out with you, then she's got a lot more work to do on herself, too.

Broken attracts broken, and there's a lot of that going on here.

You will not regret taking the time to heal, which means being single. Working on your self-esteem (I've been out with several guys who voiced that I'm out of their league -- it's not attractive, and if you're feeling that way, you're giving off signals she can sense.)

Believe me, there are tons of people out there. If you take the time to heal, you'll find someone who can be a good match and life partner. If you rush things, you exponentially increase the risk of partnering with someone who is as bad as or worse than the relationship that brought you here.

It's pretty much a guarantee that if you continue, one or both of you will get hurt. But I know that the heart doesn't always listen to the head, so please be careful. Don't build up fantasies in your head (I've been on over 30 first dates where we had a good rapport ahead of time -- or I wouldn't have gone -- and I wanted second dates with maybe four of the guys.)

I know you want to speed things along, but you need time and work to be able to be a good partner and to find true happiness. You have many years left on this earth. Think about how you want them to be. I know this is so tough, but you can do it.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hate to t/j, but where is the article on dating too soon the OP referenced?

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Newlease - Thatís why I love you guys, because you know enough to call me on it.
Iím posting here instead of asking her out outright precisely because thatís not how I want to start out. Her being patient with me is just luck on my part As for her sounding over the top, it was online, so maybe it was meant in jest and I took it literally? Youíre right on the hard to concentrate on myself. Scheduling time alone and with friends from long ago as well. I have few friends, and I work isolated from people most of the day. So I need people contact, I spend enough time alone as it is. Not saying Iím not needy :-) Thanks for the advise. Will try to keep it very light.


@cayc - You know me better than many Iím a bit of an intense person, and I am empathetic and energetic. I love seeing, talking and hanging out with people even though Iím naturally shy at first, and itís something I really need. I donít want to hurt her or hurt myself. Friend-zoned, light, casual is good. I donít want to ever be that guy. Never have been and I donít intend to start. This situation will not change me into a person I don't want to be.

@Crescita - yours is precisely the kind of advise I was seeking. Thank you. I want to find out what makes me happy; my work is fully-absorbing and trying new things to see what makes me is something that I need to do myself. I wonít pursue anybody else. And will keep it light.

@ajsmom - I was a complete mess for a while. After D-Day I spent an entire weekend at a hotel doing nothing but crying - seriously, people came to knock to see what was going on. I am a silver lining kind of person though. However, Iím done with that phase of grief. I know they repeat, but itís settled now. Iím seeing IC every two weeks. Iím not going blind here.

@BrokenDaisy - Iíve always been a good judge of character - of course Iím here, so that obviously has to be reviewed but seriously, I am trusting and verifying a lot more, and I am looking at new people. Iím very sorry you fell with an abusive; and while in a sense I am coming out of an abusive relationship as infidelity is abuse, overall the rest of the relationship was mostly ok (and I have a list of my own shortcomings to work on as I was diligently working on myself since I left). Still, I have a tremendous spidey sense now. I have my IC to help me with red flags, and Iíve been talking to him about this relationship. So far he doesnít see any red flags other than how early it is - he also advises me to go light.

@phmh - She does know my D-Day. Thatís why sheís being patient. Thanks for the out of her league comment. Iím naturally self-deprecating. In a sense the best possible outcome at this time would be for her to decide to not have a second date, which is maybe why itís a great idea to wait. My dad says not to fret or hurry, Iím just entering the ďsophisticated-lookingĒ phase of my appearance and Iíll be looking great for a while (aren't parents awesome?). So self-esteem will be back soon. Youíre indeed fabulous.

@Later - Updated with the article link. Thanks!

Thank you so much everyone. Will keep it light with her and not meet in person, and I already stopped using the dating site for contacting people through it about a week ago. I love having you for support. Will keep you posted.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 571 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, it concerns me that you are both so invested when you haven't met. SHE sounds just as invested as you do. She's only a year out from D herself--and discussed it with you at length on the phone. When people are healed from it, it really doesn't come up in initial phone calls. I understand it might have been in the context of your explaining your situation, but still.

You've got a fantasy going. Just keep that in mind. A lot of experienced daters vote for meeting sooner than later...not all, but a lot.


Two gorgeous boys, 14 and 8.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 43
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 733 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9253 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím very sorry you fell with an abusive; and while in a sense I am coming out of an abusive relationship as infidelity is abuse, overall the rest of the relationship was mostly ok

You asked for stories and I gave you mine. I wasn't trying to say you were abused or compare our stories in that sense. I was trying to relay that I also thought I did the work. I was seeing an IC weekly and I was extremely careful but I wasn't healed because it's impossible to be healed so quickly (and although my timeline was fast it wasn't nearly as fast as yours) That's why I ended up being vulnerable to manipulation and deceit despite being extremely careful.

The point is you experienced trauma. It may not have been from abuse but your marriage is ending. You said it was an ok marriage overall. Give yourself time to mourn it. No matter how much of a silver lining guy you are those are BIG things. You need to process it and heal from it. Rugsweeping with the help of a fantasy woman won't speed up your healing. It'll slow it down. Many experienced SI'ers are seeing many red flags in your story and many have experienced the same confidence you are so we know nothing we can say is likely to sway you but we have to try. You need to properly end one thing before starting a new thing.

I'm glad you're seeing an IC. I sincerely hope we're wrong and you're not causing yourself a world of hurt. I won't say anything else on this. Good luck.

[This message edited by BrokenDaisy at 12:55 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 241 | Registered: Oct 2012
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@BrokenDaisy I'm very sorry, I really shouldn't have taken it as a direct comparison. Thanks for the clarification, which shouldn't have been necessary - my bad. Your story does resonate a bit because this time I do feel abused. But it's the first time, and I do take responsibility for my failures in the marriage (I made a list of them, and I'm working through them; I wish it had been in a recovery scenario but since it has to be by myself, so be it). I also am very aware that the abuse us men could feel at the hands of a WW is nothing compared to what men can and do inflict on women. Even now I'm being fair with WW, not because she deserves it, but because I won't become what her rewriting of marriage history dictates for her blame-shifting benefit (she seems to have passed that phase, although I don't actually know, I'm NC).

This (D-Day to S to D) indeed is happening very fast. My life has been difficult, and although never before this WW had I been a victim of anything remotely resembling abuse, there's been a lot of sudden illness, death and other disasters, true disasters in my family. I think that's why I have always been forced to process suffering more or less quickly.

It doesn't mean I don't feel the pain, it just means that I have a long term view by default, so to speak. Essentially, when I compare what I am going through to other suffering in my life, it just doesn't hold a candle. My IC is aware of my full life story and is helping me through it (he is a grief and loss specialist with a couple of books published on the topic so I feel in good hands there), and a focus for him is making sure I don't skip any stage of grief along the way, and checking up on my state of mind. I keep a daily journal and we talk at length about how I feel, and we go back and forth to my earlier story as he feels we should address items there. Between me being honest and open, my friends and family, my IC and everyone here, I truly feel very well taken care of.

@Oh the Irony - Yeah, she did talk to me about her own situation more or less at length, but was in the context of me explaining mine. We don't talk about it much but it's come up twice, and it's a bit like right here, where I mention something about where I am in the process and she tells me what she was feeling like at roughly the same point, with the needed background information. It doesn't feel forced or that she's pushing this information or giving more than necessary. It's helpful for both of us it seems. Her sounding just as invested may just be that "broken attracting broken" @phmh alluded to, so I'll be on the lookout for that.


Come to think of it, it's possible that I'm following a known family pattern. My father's current marriage is with a BS after he became a BS in his then-relationship (WW was not my mom - important clarification). They've been together 24 years and today it's as solid as day 1. And both him and my stepmom are very happy people, even though the respective WH and WW are still in the picture because of kids on both Ms. Maybe that's why this doesn't seem as far-fetched or impossible to me. I've seen that, although difficult, it's not impossible to be happy like that (to clarify, my new friend knows nothing about my dad's story).

Of course that may just mean that I'm blind to what can go wrong because I see it with the rose-colored glasses of a success close to home. Something else to bring up to the IC (see, you guys are awesome!)


If it's not meant to be, maybe that means we'll just be good friends. And I think I'd be ok with that.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 571 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read your post yesterday and thought of you all evening.

If someone has dated someone nice right after (whether you were successful or not), I'd love to hear your input.

I did.

It was actually someone I knew for over twenty years and thought I could trust my heart to completely.

Not only did the relationship not work - he twisted the knife in my heart a few times in the process.

I was told on SI that first heartbreak after a D feels more painful than the actual D sometimes. It was so true. Even though I did not foresee spending my life with this person, the pain it caused was extreme.

ALL my emotions ran high in that relationship...from the validation of someone actually wanting me to the passion. It all served to a deep need I had from the end of my M and this person was just the first person to stumble in my path.

All ties back to me having to heal me before I should of ever dated or got emotionally involved.

But lessons learned - eh?

Back to you....you are in a similar situation. This is the first person you have connected with that is providing some validation that your esteem is needing.

A good, beautiful woman completely out of my league is actually interested in me.

You need to work on you - believing in your good traits and that you deserve someone that appreciates you and can see what you have to offer.

You are very down on you; you need to address this or it will be conveyed right into any relationship you embark on.

I understand what you are feeling now....BTDT. I thought I was in a position to deal with a relationship that early in the game but in hindsight; I should of listened to the SI folks.

Four years out....I know, understand and believe I would rather be alone than in broken relationships.

You will get there. Your pain is very raw. Give yourself some TLC before you proceed with anyone.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2003 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've heard the term broken attracts broken, right?

I can't help but think how unfair this all is to her and am relieved you're pulling the plug on things a bit.

[This message edited by ajsmom at 10:28 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have to ask, you already know the answer and are looking for someone else to come along and say no, those inhibitions screaming at you don't mean anything.
Nope, you need to finish healing or you will end up in another broken relationship.
She already sounds too good to be true, RED FLAGS others have already expounded on. If she is genuine, though, then she can longer.
Heal, go through the whole process. There is no easy fix to going through the grief....unless you won't to go through this s..t again.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Topic Posts: 16

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