Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: evdawg (44606)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Have I given up on love
survivor6
Member
Member # 29916
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been single since our divorce (almost 3 yrs). Not even really the slightest possibility of a date. I'm attractive, but I have weight to lose, I guess that's the deal breaker. I get hit on from time to time, but never asked out. The thing is I'm not even really trying to lose the weight any more. And I kind of think if nobody wants me for who I am right now it's not worth it. So I guess I just picture myself as always being single at 37. Does anyone else feel this way? Like love is just not in the cards for them?

Posts: 421 | Registered: Oct 2010
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 2:51 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way, I am almost 38. I feel like my situation stops me from even pursuing any future relationship as well.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only 29 and feel the same. I'm mostly fine with it. I'm much better off on my own and taking care of my son. The risks of a relationship are too big for me. I know it sounds bitter and defeated but I'm not bitter.Most certainly jaded though. I'm just exhausted and don't think I'll ever want to risk so much again for someone else. I'll find other things to fill my life with and I have my son. I'll be happy without a SO. The risk of bringing someone in my son's life who may only destroy us is also too much for me. I'd rather find other things to fill my life with.

I think it's very rare to find someone to spent a lifetime with without heartache. Not worth it for me. Just isn't. Then again I had a particularly psychopathic ex and before him I was in an abusive relationship (which seems rosy compared to xwh) so I've had particular bad experiences and it's scarred me for life. I'm making peace with it. One day at a time. Learning to enjoy life for what I already have and can build for myself and my son.

Besides I'm a single mom to a toddler. Sole custody. No time for dating. No interest. Much rather spent my free time on things with better odds of a good outcome.

The only thing I miss is sex. lol


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 242 | Registered: Oct 2012
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ehh…I think it is a stage of healing somehow. I get asked out a lot, via OLD, and go on a lot of dates…but nothing has really worked, or no one turns MY head. I kinda have to force myself to date.

Something about putting yourself out there is scary. Protecting ourselves from the possibility of future pain is waaaay easier than investing in a relationship.

I'm 43, S for 3 years, d-day was when I was 39. I used to think I'd be married and happy now (close to 4 years post d-day), but I think I've kinda given up on ever being in a relationship again. If someone takes me by surprise, then so be it.

Im not really looking any more. I'm accepting dates, but Im kinda going in with "Well, I wonder what the hell his 'problem' is…". I don't want to have to deal with someone else's "problems".

Maybe I"m just rambling, but a lot of us hit the "plain of lethal flatness" at one point or another, many of us multiple times over. I think it is normal, I just don't know what it means.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4107 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen.

I'll be 56 soon. I'm wrapping my head around the fact I'll be on my own for the rest of my life.

I live out in the boonies where there are more deer than eligible males. Yes...there are single guys, but I've got standards.


(sigh)


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6490 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K9, I'm your neighbor!

I live in a remote area also. I am 45, slightly overweight and never get hit on - even online.

On the plus side, I have all my teeth, am gainfully employed, own my house, can carry a conversation, travel, and am well read.

It's their loss, but it does get lonely sometimes. I haven't given up, but I'm not really looking extremely hard either.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7509 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
survivor6
Member
Member # 29916
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice to know others are in the same place I am I guess! Agree with what so many of you said about not wanting to be that emotionally involved again. And I think on some level I use my weight as a buffer. I understand that being physically attracted to someone is important, but there are sooo many people who you can be physically attracted to. And so many ways you can find something on someone else unphysically attractive. So if weight is a deal breaker with a guy then what happens if someone skinnier comes by, or with better curves, legs, hair, etc. I saw in the past how quickly this supposedly unbreakable bond can be dissolved. And between commercials and social media we are constantly having something "better" flaunted in front of us testing a bond that wasn't that string to begin with if it was only based in physical attraction. I think my ex married me bc he was physically attracted to me. And when I gained weight and he wasn't anymore it was very easy to turn his eye. I don't want that again.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Oct 2010
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I kind of think if nobody wants me for who I am right now it's not worth it

I am 4 yrs out and feel more and more comfortable with me.

I will not lose weight in hopes of attracting someone. Like you, they need to want me for me.

When (if) I lose weight; it will be for me. It goes both ways - I want to meet someone for who they really are too.

Sidestory - about a year ago I was feeling down. I remember thinking I wished someone would show interest just to give me a boost.

Welp, they did......he was so interested that he would marry me if I wanted. I am not interested in him like that....just as friends.

I had to laugh because I asked for validation and I get this guy that shows up with a HUGE cross tattooed on his forehead with lightning bolts on each side. He looks like he could scare the bejeebies out of anyone in a dark alley. He wouldn't hurt a soul but I had to chuckle at how you have to be careful what you wish for because I sure was not envisioning this as my esteem boost

Disclaimer - nothing against tattoos. I sport a rockin' Tweety Bird.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2050 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.